JGR - Reflections for 2016

Let's see..

2016

#1
Travels summed up in hashtags:
#ZouSanKitties
#buddingyeastinJP (First trip to Japan!!)
#ngfamilyjapan2016

Yup I'm still intending to go back to Japan LOLOL.
Not in 2017 la, but omg I love it there so damn much.
Food. People. Places. Weather. All so perfect!
(Except when I got my shoes wet and the wind was blowing omg colddddd)

Definitely want to experience it with pok the next time!

#2
Performed my first ever contemporary dance piece in 9 years!
Actually if I don't count my cca concerts in school, it'll be my first dance concert ever hahahah.

It wasn't an easy journey for me to get back into the swing of things, amidst my busy schedule.
Burnt up a lot of Tuesdays (5 months of training), going for 3 hours of consecutive classes + rehearsals.
And it's not like I'm a fast learner - I had to practice at home and after rehearsals to try and rmb moves.

My fellow dancers also made the entire experience enjoyable too, cause they were all really friendly and encouraging.
I definitely appreciated those who were there to help me spot my mistakes and improve.

People might think its a matter of talent, but other than that, it's a lot of blood, sweat and tears too.
You definitely need stamina to be able to move across a large stage.
So other than Tues, I went for 2 hour sessions on whichever days I was free.

Plus, I had to maintain my figure to squeeze into the costume HAHAHAH.

Really gotta thank my loved ones for supporting me and being so understanding.
Especially pok hahahah, cause I neglected him a lot, particularly so nearer to concert day.

The exhilaration and sense of achievement after completing my 3 min onstage perfectly is priceless.
Definitely would do it again!

#3
Went thru my old reflections and rants before starting this,
and oh man, sometimes I think I sibei emotional hahahah!

I guess it's the way I manage my feelings
I tend to keep it all inside until some trigger point blows me up.
And people who don't know me think I'm overreacting.
Kind of unhealthy in a sense.. but I think it also makes my tolerance better?

Sorry you passerbys :B

i've realised that my efforts are not always appreciated.but i also do know that i will keep trying when i should.because i want to do what i feel like, and what i think is right.

This still rings true, because no matter how hard I try to not care,
there are times where I feel no one gives a shit to my efforts or my feelings, be it family or friends.

Just because I'm easygoing, does not equate to stepping over me, capisce?

Because I don't think its easy to make me angry - mostly I find it easy to ignore people whom I don't give a shit to.
It is more hurtful when it comes from those whom I had expected to know me better. I think.

Don't think it's double standard to expect understanding from people whom I understand right?

Despite this, I still find myself forgiving them easily - especially if they are super important to me.
Provided that they don't keep doing it again la, hahahaha.

#4
I won't say I made progress with pok's family, but at least I tried.
His mom is still super against me, but at least his dad and younger sis are supportive.
Still.. I thought it was pretty fucked up and rude to have her behave like that at pok's graduation :x

#5
But who cares, because BTO liao hahahahahah.

We haven't even gotten our queue number yet, just applied!
Yet it still seems kind of surreal to me that pok would even agree when I asked.

It's like.. And at last I see the light~

Yes obviously I'm the one asking cause I wear the pants HAHAHA.

But omg it was actually my dad who kept pestering us to apply for the Bedok project, LOL.
Didn't know he wanted us out of the house so badly hiakhiak.

So exhilarated that we are finally taking concrete steps.. and I can finally dare to dream about the future.

So for 2017, here's what I hope for..

#1
My loved ones to be happy and healthy.
All the material enjoyments really won't matter unless you're healthy.

#2
Great performance appraisal! #sponsorshipcometomama

Actually as of now I've progressed on to Blood Bank liao, which is another small step in my career.
Excited to learn new stuff heheheh!

#3
Good news for the BTO exercise.
And for Jh and Bowei too!!

Everyday check email and mailbox hahahahhah.

#4
More awesome experiences with my bffs!
So glad that I have my small yet fulfilling social circle - because I really don't have time for too many people hahahahaha.

It's already so hard to arrange meetups with my #bitchstand!
I'm more than happy to just have a meal, though bwahahah we will ambitious and try for dessert also LOLOL
Eh.. Is this considered legit Happy Meal? :B

Also, looking forward to Korea with my kats!
Bowei Pok and CJ will be tagging along too, teehee I can't wait!!

#5
More time to do manicures.. omg I miss squinting and painting all those tiny details hahahaha.
Even Bimb also bo bian have to sign up for manicure package outside liao, cause I'm never free anymore.

#6
Perform again!
Contemplating to try ballet or jazz this time, but I love Contemp.. #decisionsdecisions
Don't tell me do both la, where got time :x

#7
Better emotional management?
I need to expect lesser of people to not get disappointed.

How to end a pointless friendship - Just be rude and ununderstanding

FYI: Ununderstanding is an actual word hor.

I'm not someone with many friends, and I lost another two yesterday.
Honestly, I would be lying if I said I wasn't affected.
However, I'm not angry, or sad.

Its more like some kind of liberation and the feeling of being proven right.

The last time I decided to cut off contact with a group of friends was early last year.

I was out of contact with my sec sch mates after graduation, simply because we couldnt connect.
For goodness' sake, the first time we hung out after graduation,
they actually took out their JC textbooks and started comparing chapters.. -.-
So thanks for asking me out, but no thanks.

Then after our 21st celebrations, somehow we started more infrequent meet-ups, usually to sing k.
It was fun, and of course, sometimes they would talk about their uni stuff,
but it's okay cause what's a catch-up for then?
At least no one took out their notes. HAHAH.

So what happened?
I was very pissed when they dismissed my valid reason not to hang out with them.
What's the valid reason? Exams.
They actually were like, aiya nvm what, we also having exams soon, YOLO la!

YOLO your head.
You're studying full time; all your free time after school is still free for revisions.
I'm WORKING full time and studying part-time,
with barely enough sleep and you tell me NEVER MIND, YOLO.

Obviously, these people in the end didn't understand me and my differences.
That's actually how I usually feel about my sec school;
A school which only promoted JC education and anyone out of that is inconsequential.
I thought my friends would be different, but I guess not.
So what for would I still bother saving my precious time for them?

Oh so back to yesterday's.

For a long time I already felt disconnected from them.

Initially it was due to our efforts to plan an outing;
wth every time also need to beg for everyone to reply.
FYI: Did you know that we can tell if you've seen the message? (thank you whatsapp info, HAHAH)
See message liao but skip replying. wtf how rude.

EVERYONE is leading their own lives,
but we bother to make some precious time available because we treasure the friendship.
All I asked for was a reply if they were free.

And what the fuck, sometimes say okay liao can still forget. -.-

Okay never mind, because later on me and bimb decided that we'd just jio them and go ahead even if they're not free.

Then comes the point when I realized that it was a soulless conversation.
We meet up, have dinner, and talk, but it's mostly just me, bimb and von talking to each other.
We'd ask about them, there would be a reply but that's it.

We are all at different stages of life.
The girls are working, the guys are still studying.
Even though we might not be relevant to each other any more, we're still friends, isn't it?

Wait, I guess not. Hahah.

Okay maybe it's just me, (cause I'm the bitch in the group, HAHAH),
but no one would care about what's going on in my life.

I genuinely cared about how they were doing, worried about their issues.
But not once did I feel like I mattered to them.
I felt that I was giving too much, and not getting any.

All this I'm saying goes to Sok and Cliff.
Wayne only partially, cause I've never been especially close with him.

And then you'd probably realize that yeah, these are the people who are attached.
Aiya they have their own other half to care for, why bother with you?

Excuse me, but I can confidently say I balance my friends and bf very well lor.
It's all about if you want to balance your priorities or not.

So yup, till this point I already felt like it was totally pointless hanging out.
It's just a mummer's farce.

Even pok was like, why you don't sound excited when you tell me you meeting your clique anymore?
Sad truth.

So the last straw that broke the camel's back was this:

After dinner, we didn't know where to go.
I knew gone were the days we would find a place to hang out and chit chat till late.
And I actually already overheard Cliff muttering about needing small change for later,
so I figured the guys would probably have plans to meet their other halves.

It has happened before, so I'm not surprised or annoyed at all.
It's actually what I expected them to do.

What I didn't expect was their plain rudeness.

As usual, they walked ahead.
As usual, Bimb asked them where we were headed,
cause we suggested going Honey Creme but there was no confirmation.
And we were walking in that direction so I assumed that that was our destination.

Imagine my anger when they said nonchalantly that they were going off.

LIKE WTF THEN WE FOLLOW YOU FOR WHAT.

Imagine if we didn't ask, and had followed all the way to the MRT entrance wtf.
Playing us for fools meh.
Orchard is so damn crowded, please dont make me walk up and down for nothing pls.

Is it so damn fucking difficult to just tell us you needed to go?
What, you scared I'd criticize you for wanting to meet your girlfriend? (or bf, for all that's worth)
Siao lor, you obviously dont know me - anymore.

So as the bitch that I am, I scolded both of them in the middle of the street.
Smth like "What the fuck you're being damn rude you know anot, want to go off but never say"

HAHAH, actually kinda dramatic if you think about it. :B

But at that moment I was so angry.. because never mind that you dont care about hanging out anymore,
but whaaaaat.. you dont even have the basic courtesy as a human to say that, hey, I gotta go cause I want to meet my gf.

Just simply, you guys have failed even my most lowest expectations.

So we ended up going in opposite directions and I left the clique chat and that's it.
Because there is no point in being friends anymore if you can't respect me.

I dont regret my outburst - Bimb and Von were annoyed as well, but they chose to give them face.
Not for me - I am sick and tired of acting, of being tolerant to people who don't deserve that courtesy.
I am just being truthful, and direct, too bad if you can't accept that.

What's the point of typing all this?
I know they won't see it anyway, and even if they do they wont care.
It's also not a way to justify myself - Bimb's ahma doesnt think I'm wrong HAHAHA #winliaolor.

I guess because I need a reminder to myself that people change, even the people whom you thought you knew very well.

Maybe one day I might happen to fall out with Bimb and Von too - though of course, I hope not,
cause I'd definitely be friendless then. HAHAH.

So moral of the long ass rant:

Nothing is constant, only change is.

And

Expect nothing; you will still be surprised.

Just Generally Ranting : JGR

Feeling really mehhhh right now cause I just received my new module's timetable.
Sucks shit because other than the fact that labs are 10 to 1 AND 2 to 5 on weekend sessions,
I'm going to have to sacrifice 4 Sundays.
Because the other groups have too many Saturday classes for me to take leave for.

Very tired of such a hectic schedule.
Having to juggle work and school is no mean feat.
I've been doing so for 3 years, and even though it's not really too bad,
Sometimes I can't help but feel v frustrated.
Especially when my responsibilities are increasing at work.

Sometimes I really do regret why I didn't manage to score and get into local uni.

Envy those who only know studying is tiring.
Yeah its equally stressful but at least the focus is on only one.

I get people scolding me at work,
then I also get people insinuating that I'm wasting school fees by skipping lectures.

Feel like stuffing my fist into their faces. Zzz.

Sigh.

Okay I know ranting is not gonna help but I'm used to verbalizing my anger.

8 more months.

I don't care what the dress code says,
I'm getting a fucking mortar board to throw in the air during graduation.
I fully deserve it k. 😡

Worst Monday of the year, ever

Damn shitty morning cause it was 8.30am already and there were only four staff. Stupid trainee took mc and didn't bother telling at least my supervisor. She claimed she called the lab but no one picked up, but fucking hell I was in the lab since 7.20 and the phone didn't shit once.

Can't believe I have to deal with another fucking lazy bum other than the already lazy Susan. Of all the bloody luck. 2014 is gonna screw me around , I already know it.

I hope one of them quits.

Seriously I'd rather have lesser staff than idle staff, where I have to clean up after them some more. Cb.

New girl is blur as fuck. One instruction can repeat 6 times, no kidding. And she can still rebutt that it was done 'accidentally'

EXCUSE ME BITCH, THERE ARE NO ACCIDENTALLYS IN HEALTHCARE.

I know its damn unhealthy to be angry about work, but I'm really in need of ranting if not I may just explode.

And now stinking bus 12 made me late cause I had to wait 27 minutes. And guess what, two buses came at the same time what the shit.

Did I also mention that both seen and Adele are on leave? i just got "promoted". And fucking lazy Susan is on mc. Yup, since 20th she has yet to return to work. Till 3rd. And she says might extend.

QUIT LA WOMAN JUST QUIT.

Can't stand people with no sense of responsibility and commitment.

fucking giving up.

i dont often think very negative thoughts,
but when i do, usually its cause i've reached breaking point.

tired of constantly trying to imagine a silver lining in every cloud.
tired of telling myself that everything is gonna turn out fine.

its about time i faced the fact that my clique is no longer the same.
everyone has their own agenda, their own purpose.
its not really just about busy schedules.
its just plainly that we are not each other's priority anymore.
i can dare to say that for me and shirlee, we have made enough effort.
our first thoughts for trying new stuff has been with the clique.
but no one else is intrsted.

dont say go overseas, go dinner also hard.
everyone's excuse range expanded until i cant even keep up anymore.
yes, its all fucking excuses.
please dont think i cant tell.

i'm sick of trying to entertain those excuses.
disgusted by whatever lies or pretense you have under your sleeve.
dont want say dont want, dont fucking tell me see how, confirm later.
i dont need you to entertain me.

now on, i'm not gonna accommodate anyone any longer.
you can make it, feel like coming, you're welcome.
if not, shut up.

i've reached a point where i have no choice but to accept the facts.
facts which i've actually known long ago.
what you want may never happen, what you dont want can happen anytime..

kiddish atrocities

just came back home from a really satisfying supper at swee choon !
omg i have been craving for their dim sum for two fricking years and finally went today.
bwahahah now xx can no longer tempt me with his photos ;p

but i'm saving my food ravings for next time cause i have no energy to edit and upload photos :x

instead i just need to get some rantings off my chest.

cause i find that kids nowadays are just too freaking rude.
its so disturbing how parents can condone their behavior,
cause i was this close to slapping the kids myself.

incident no. 1
on my way home today i saw a family of four.
the elder kid, around four-ish, was screaming and pushing his mom away.
his mom actually obediently let him push her, shifting herself to the side.
then he started hitting his dad, and pointing an accusing finger at him.
the dad didnt even scold the kid !
he was still trying to coax him liddat.
while i didnt understand tamil and dont know what its really abt,
but i find it disgusting that they're letting a child behave that way.
like he has a right to have a temper, and a mind of his own.

siao.
exactly like the one who told me his four yr old daughter 'doesnt want to leave' the lab zzz.
dont they understand that children cant make decisions yet?
opinions yes but not decisions. there is a difference between the two.
letting them choose ice cream flavor is an opinion.
letting them choose their school is a decision.
okay i'm kinda exaggerating, but i think you get what i mean.

incident no. 2
this mom was holding her daughter's hand and walking towards the bus stop.
supposedly they're going home la.
the little girl, around four, stopped and pushed her mom's hand away,
and started high pitched screaming. wtf. -.-
the mom asked her again to go home and she screamed again.
walao super irritating, the way she's using screaming to get her way
and the worst part is her mom accedes to it.

tsktsk. now i know why bimb doesnt want children. :x

runners

its funny how some people love running.

specifically, running away from the truth.
they pretend that nothing's happened.
they bury their heads in the ground and tell themselves its alright.

you can run, but you can never hide.

rules to make me happy

1. always have red hair.

cause red hair makes me happy.
it makes me feel confident.
makes me feel like a mermaid :B
and i'm essentially a very boring person, so my hair is the best accessory.

it just feels like me. :D

2. indulge in the right things

whenever i've had a bad day at work,
i usually end up using retail or food therapy.

i actually have a freaking long list of blogshops which i subscribe to.
almost every day, at least one of them has new collections.
but before you label me a shopholic, i'm not that scary.
usually browsing those collections are therapeutic enough for me.
its fun seeing how they match and wear stuff.
its even more fun when spotting the price tag!
me and bimb have seen countless stores selling the same item at x 2 the cost,
as compared to bugis street / far east plaza.
the auntie thrill when we find out that we got the cheaper deal :xx

i have a confession though, the tinsel rack still remains as my weakest spot.
no kidding, for the past month of april, almost every sunday i've bought smth. LOL.
and buying from them requires skill ! not that easy hor.
its like camping for pq slot, HAHAHAHA.

7.58 - 7.59 pm zhun zhun must camp at comp liao.
8 pm click refresh and speed click click !
8.01 pm victory dance hehehe.

*ehem* but ya cause their service is really good, and the items are worth it. :D

buying nail polish is also really therapeutic.
okay i know i already have around 60 bottles. no shit.
and i only have 10 fingers + 10 toes.
but the colors are sometimes really very tempting..

and dont get me started on shoes.
i used to have 1 pair slippers, 1 pair flats and 1 pair sneakers.
now i dont even dare to count, LOL.

okay i admit, i'm a junior level shopholic.

but i'm a higher level glutton !
food makes me really really happy. even better than the above mentioned material stuff.
i must be a man on the inside,
because the phrase 'the way to a man's heart is through his stomach' feels totally applicable for me.

coming home to mummy's cooking is the most comforting thing ever,
especially after a fucked up day at work.
one of the little things in life that money can never buy. (:

so is looking forward to dinner with friends after work/school.
its really like your goal at the end of the day.
like a light at the end of the tunnel.
like a diamond in the dark..

okay you get the drift. :B

3. its happier to be alone

i dont warm up to people that easily, let alone trust them.
i'm actually kind of anti-social,
especially when i'm in situations where i know everyone is just using each other.
like in school. i've been studying in psb for almost 2 years.
yet the no. of friends i've gained was only a measly 2.
and its only through levon that i've gotten to know them better.
otherwise i doubt i'd have bothered to know people.

because let's be honest,
other than school, you're not gonna be seeing me, isnt it?
if you were to contact me, it'll definitely be school-related.

i'd rather be alone, enjoying my solitude,
than to be forced to wear a mask and make small talk that both you and i dont care about.
i know its negative thinking, but i'm already very tired.


4. always be fucking honest with yourself.

cause i've learnt one too many times that naivety kills.


countless times which i've experienced disappointment.
yes, i know that nothing is perfect, and that's life.
but how do you not feel anything?
its exactly because you're alive, that's why you feel.

i know that our friendship will never be the same again.
countless times i've actually questioned if i was in any wrong.
and after asking myself, reflecting,
i've decided that my conscience is clear.
its really up to your own perspective.
just so you know, it doesnt have to be this way.

it just sucks to lose a friend over such a stupid thing -.-

i have come to face the fact that not everyone will accept my relationship with pok.
its a painful fact, but a fact nevertheless.
maybe one day i will change their minds. maybe that day will never happen.
but i'm trying to live in the present, because life is too short and fragile.

i've realised that my efforts are not always appreciated.
but i also do know that i will keep trying when i should.
because i want to do what i feel like, and what i think is right.

i know that medical school is a blurry dream.
but who is to say that i cannot have that dream in my imperfect vision?
i havent woken up fully yet.
it might just become a reality.
but i'm honest enough to tell myself about the other options i might have.
forensic analyst with SPF, medical technologist (in histo, not in my current sinkhole :x)
i dare to dream realistic dreams.

5. the glutton wishlist

nooks.
hatched (!!)
swee choon
ramen keisuke tori king
arbite (again)
battered fluffy flaps
astons
everything with fries
marche
vintage delicafe
tim ho wan.

this is sorta my bucket list. eat alr can die happy, bwahahaha.

*the post is rubbishly serious, and i sound kind of moodswingy.
but thats just how i really am. :D

leave me out of this please

one of the many fears when you first start working would be office politics.

i first experienced it when i started out at my aunt's clinic.
its really ugly, because i never expected it to happen.
the two CAs who backstabbed were ironically the ones whom i've known the longest.
they've seen me since i was bloody six/twelve years old, respectively.
just because i gained a freaking $1/hr raise.
fyi i was earning $9/hr after the raise. and they're earning $16/hr okay.
SERIOUSLY LOR. -.-

such is the ugly and disgusting side of human nature.

mild case of politics when i was training at SGH SOC lab.
thank my lucky stars i was posted out, cause i cant imagine staying there long-term.
lets just say lunch time would have been very emo nemo. :x

bedok lab made me really happy cause everyone got along.. for awhile.

around 8 months later there was some kind of disagreement between two colleagues of mine.
but it didnt really affect me, just sometimes awkward only.
this tension was relieved too, after july's staff reshuffling exercise.

then today i realised that you can never run away from politics -.-

apparently, tongues are starting to wag.
accusations are flying that bedok staff claim time-off atrociously
which makes me feel so pissed mad !

we have the largest workload amongst all other labs, and there are stats to prove it.
additionally, with tampines' temporary closure,
even more patients are flocking here instead of the temp site at geylang east.
280 plus patients in a single morning is nothing strange to us.

other labs dont even have that many patients in a single day -.-

despite the high workload, we dont even have a complete team of staff.
right now there are 5 of us and a trainee.
there's a limit to the amount of work she can do, and sometimes we even have to guide her.
if any of us take mc, there is also no guarantee that there will be a replacement as well.

we slog our guts out, sometimes staying back to finish work even during lunch/after hours.
whatever extra time we put in, we claim back in the form of a half day.
its actually an accumulation and everything is recorded.

so what do these freaking people have to be jealous about? -.-

if they want to have such 'benefits', they should try working at bedok lor.
see if they can cope with the shit we face.
they are the people who can have tea breaks and what not.
me, i dont even have time to go to the bloody toilet. ._.

gahs, talk about (un)fair treatment . -.-

give me strength

life's been a bitch recently,
every single day has been fucked up in one way or another.
questioning myself if what i'm fighting for is worth it or not.
right now, my stubborn streak doesnt want to give up yet.

i dont want to give up my job cause it provides me with stability, in terms of both time and money.
however, its having the opposite effect on my emotions.
i'm more or less an angsty bitch at work. to the patients la, never to my colleagues.
the kind of verbal abuse and insults we get daily in return for our hard work.
sometimes it just gets so fucking frustrating.
my faith in humanity really hangs in the balance. -.-

plus the fact that the management doesnt appreciate us.
who has ever heard of increased workload, but decreased manpower? is that fair?
it doesnt mean just cause we're an efficient team, that you can throw more sai at us to pick.

it gets really busy to the extent, tt i have gotten used to not having lunch break and leaving late.

sometimes i wish i was more selfish and less dedicated to my job.
but knowing myself, its kinda hard cause i believe in doing the best i can for every task.
does this count as self-praise? hahahah.

when it comes to school, i dont know how to view it.
its another struggle to get back into the chiongster mode
and i worry that im not doing enough.
whatever energy i have left fter a busy day at work doesnt last anymore
i find myself nodding off while listening to elec,
sometimes even while writing my notes.
feel so pissed off at myself for being unable to function.
i know its not my fault but i just hate myself for wasting time.

and im afraid despite all my effort, i wont be able to achieve the grades i want.

such conflict.
working hard for my studies but ironically my studies suffer cause of my work.

i try not to think negative but really, there is only so much i can tolerate.
this past week was really shit,
ended up with many a night washing my pillow with tears .
sometimes i dont even know why i felt so down.
and i think i scared my mom when she saw me crying after i came home from work.
she was like OMG JINGTING WHAT HAPPENED. :x.

yeah and its not just my mom.
sorry to my dad, my sisters, 大姑姑, ahpok, bimb, von, sok and ahsai for making you guys worry.
thanks for your encouragement, really touched. ♥

i promise i'll try my utmost best to not break down anymore.

hang on and hang on till 2015 bahs.
thats all i can hope at the moment.

人不可貌相

never judge a book by its fucking cover,
no matter how well you think you know the story.

i think there's a limit to my tolerance and you just fucking crossed the line.

bye january, hello february!

first month of 2013 is done,
what have you achieved in these 31 days?

so far, its been a generally lousy month for me. ):

work is not getting any smoother (what's new?) and is probably gonna get worse.
gotta face an increased workload for another 6 months, due to tampines polyclinic closure.
facing problems getting along with tamp's staff.
omg its almost like a re-run of last year july -.-
and workflow is just getting more complicated with so many stuff added.

got really disappointing results for my previous module.
cant believe i got such marks despite feeling confident for it.
really affected my mood, so demoralised. ):
shaun says its best if i keep fearing for my results,
cause i will get distinction when i worry. LOL idiot.

guess i gotta give my all for this current module to make up for it bahs.
cause what's done is done, no point regretting.
however its not gonna be easy.
other than adjusting back to my busy schedule after a 2 months break,
year three modules really require alot of dedication.
hope i can cope with it, on top of everything else. :x

some personal issues that have yet to be resolved.
its so annoying, cause i want to do smth abt it but i cant.
dont even know whats the best way to approach it, let alone solve.
feeling like a fucking human sandwich, with mind conflicting over emotions.
进退维谷 sia. zzz.
__________________________________________________________________________________

february. please be a little kinder and let me grow lesser wrinkles/white hair can?

so far everything still looks abit more positive cause there's CNY.
and CNY 2013 means a three day short break. no school no work nada. :D

first saturday of feb also placed me in a happy mood already.
work was still meh, but i got to meet bimb for a short lunch :D
and what's meeting the bff without gossip ?! hahahahah.
eh now i realised, we never take any camwhore shots damn it. roar.

had awesome dinner with ahpok too !
i forced him to think of places to eat cause he's more picky and i'm sick of deciding :x
so taa-daaa, he found this cafe in kampong glam.

Vintage Delicafe

66 Bussorah Street 199479
Nearest mrt: Bugis. Short walk from Sultan Mosque.
Phone : (65) 6297 9591
Email: vintage@vintagedelicafe.com.sg

the place was quite cosy and gave you this home feel. which i like.

best of all it serves quite a variety of western food !
did i mention it was halal? :D
*refer to old post regarding headache over finding unique halal places with good food.

kind of crowded but it was expected during a sat night.
despite the fact that they were busy,
the service staff still took time to ask if we were enjoying our meal.
really is thumbs up for the place, dont mind going back a second time. :B

the serious face and that smile :D

strawberry sparkling water for pok, apple sparkling water for me!

omg i actually forgot it was carbonated, then i challenged pok to a speed drinking competition.

first big swallow and i regretted. kept burping silently after that LOLOL.

Vintage homemade cream of mushroom soup. comes with garlic bread.

love love love.

got om nom mushroom slices inside, and the garlic bread can fight with pizza hut's.

you know its serious when i draw such comparisions.

mine! grilled dory (hahahah) marinated with paprika and herbs.

choice of cream of mushroom herb sauce or tomato. 

the first choice is actually the same mushroom soup, hahah.

should have chosen tomato cause the mushroom sauce didnt complement the marinate.

kinda covered the taste cause its creamy.

why no lemon butter sauce hor?! :x

taupok's grilled salmon with cream of mushroom herb sauce.

the salmon is freaking bloody goooood. 

i'm not even a fan of salmon, with its kind of fishy taste.

this one has no fishy taste at all. damn fresh. 

jh will definitely love this. *cues excited arms and face*

pricing is definitely worth it, based on the quality of the ingredients and its portion.
feeling very satisfied and sated. :B
with the ambience and great service, we're definitely going back heheh.
i know i want to try their pasta next time. :D

thank you pok, for tolerating my shitty attitude and rants for the whole month. 

真的真的真的真的很累了

i've alr lost track of the amt of times i've wanted to just break down.
feel so emotionally, mentally and physically tired.

everything everywhere everyone can be a trigger.
this reminds me of that, that links me to another.
a million gunshots just waiting to resonate out.

i really dont want to collapse.
because i have no time to.

why didnt anyone think of getting me a capsule as a present instead. :/
shut myself inside a bubble and let it drain my worries dry.

starting to think that feeling nothing is better than feeling at all.

random thoughts II

we arrive in this world alone, and we die alone.
so why do we fear being lonely?

change is permanent, but i should always be me.

what doesnt kill you makes you stronger everytime,
dont let them tell you how to live your life.

i dont want to grow up.
to leave my dreams behind.
to learn how to live by myself.
to become cynical and twisted.

tomato or corn soup for lunch?

i'm sickened just by the sight of your face.
never knew i could feel such abhorrence.
what happened?

everyone is selfish.
live with that fact.

what doesnt kill you makes you stronger, stand a little taller.
doesnt mean i'm lonely when i'm alone.
what doesnt kill you makes a figher, footsteps even lighter
doesnt mean i'm over cause you're gone.

where did i go wrong, i lost a friend
somewhere along in the bitterness
and i would have stayed up with you all night
if i'd known how to save a life.

if you need to change yourself to please someone,
please change that someone away.

i have a love/hate relationship with my intuition.
sometimes i wish it wasnt that creepily accurate.

what is true and what is reality?

favourite thought today, quoted from taupok :
life is exactly like an ECG.
filled with ups and downs.
without them, we're dead. 
*beep*

Made of Stone - Evanescence

Speak your mind, like I care
I can see your lips moving
I've just learned not to hear

Don't waste your time

Its never enough for you, baby
Don't want to play your game anymore
no matter what you say
I'm all out of love for you, baby
and now that I've tried everything
I'll numb the pain till I am made of stone

Take your time
I'm not scared
Make me everything you need me to be
so the judgement seems fair

Don't waste your time

Its never enough for you, baby
Don't want to play your game anymore
no matter what you say
I'm all out of love for you, baby
and now that I've tried everything

I'll numb the pain till I am made
to tear out my heart
for the way that it feels
I will still remember when you've long forgotten me

Its never enough for you, baby
Don't want to play your game anymore
no matter what you say
I'm all out of love for you, baby
and now that I've tried everything
I'll numb the pain till I am made of stone

detest

de·test
verb (used with object)
to feel abhorrence of; hate; dislike intensely.

each person has their own piss-off point.
we're all different, and we are entitled to our own point of view.

so what do i detest?

fake people.

never judge a book by its cover.
seriously, really.

someone who seems friendly may be the most lonely person.
having many friends does not signify anything. at all.
not unless you true to every single one of them.

your promises sound so steady, so onz,
but they are all but empty words.
what are words if you dont really mean them when you say them?

you smile, you laugh and you are so damn nice it seems unreal.
maybe it really is.

why is there a need to lie, to act, to deceive?
is it really that hard to be honest?

white lies i can understand.
but how pure are your real intentions?

rants.

a general rant cause i'm quite tired of people behaving like absolute shitheads.

1. smokers

number one kind of people i hate the most.
they smoke everywhere. EVERYWHERE.
they dont care how they're making others smell their cigs second hand. not even their BABIES.
yes i've seen parents who smoke while carrying their infant child.
they litter their cig butts all over the place.
anywhere they can smoke without risking the smoke alarm, they will.
some of them just light up and walk and walk and walk.
hello idiot, can you just stay in one place and finish it up?
instead of spreading it around the surroundings.

if it wasnt a crime to tackle their cigs, i totally would.
knock it out of their hands, pour water over it, i would.

seriously i wish someone could invent a portable smoking bubble.
make all smokers wear that over their heads and inhale every single shred of toxins.
this kind of air, no need to share. you can keep it to yourselves, tyvm.

i've always hated smoking, and even my relatives are scared of my constant nagging.
they avoid lighting up next to me, lolol. cause my niams are indeed v powerful, :B
my hatred of smoking has intensified, ever since it took away someone very important to me.
and i dont want history to repeat again. so i niam more.
thankfully now my dad is smoke-free. :D

now if only i could burn all the tobacco in the world..

2. rude drivers.

i curse and swear A LOT in the car.
now i finally understand why people yearn to remove their probation plate. -.-

because even when its other vehicles blocking MY way, I WILL KENA HORN.
i want to cut lane, people speed up to avoid having to give way.
and for some reason idk why, vehicles tailgate me like they're spies.

wtf its to the extent i feel like installing a pop-up middle finger on my car.
you know, i press a button and this giant middle finger raises to show my opinion?

sorta links me to the next topic.

3. rude people.

they are everywhere! be it patients or passerbys, they are getting ruder by the second.
okay its kinda exaggarating, but its super frustrating and driving me nuts.
acting all high and mighty,
full of self-righteousness and forever thinking that they're right.
super no manners one.

there are people who can step on my shoes and say nothing.
crowd around mrt doors so that they can chiong for seats once they enter.
make a mistake with queue numbers and blame me (!)
throw their bloody forms at me (!!)
bang into me while i'm just standing aside, and TSK ME (!!!)

can i throw moral education textbooks at them?
and they criticise OUR generation for being rude. pot calling kettle black please.

4. people with double standards.

ahahaha i am thinking of specific people when i write this.

like DAMN. what do you mean, i HAVE to do it for you?
you didnt say that? wow, then why did you throw a bitch fit the moment i said no?
then what do you mean, you always do everything for me?

why must everything go according to your plan, when its my life?
why can you do it while others cant?

i have never understood this kind of warped logic.

5. people who block the way.

drivers and pedestrians included.

5 guys, 1 road.
you'd think at least 1 of them could have the decency to step to the side/front so that people can pass.
but apparently they're doing some catwalk or movie shoot and cant be broken up.

yup thats right, they expect people to step on the grass just because their brotherhood is tt strong.

________________________________________________________________________________

went out with ahpok after his work.
we went on a food adventure again, hahaha.
this time, he recommended Karu's Curry
its all the way at .. upper bukit timah road omg hahahah.

the great lengths we go just to try food. :D
and eh i didnt drive hor ! purely public transport.
sometimes i wonder why i take my license for also, HAHAH.
i really dont like to drive to far places laaaa.

the previous time we did that was to go all the way to thomson road for Yureka Teppanyaki
managed to find the place only at the second try cause no specific directions where given. :x
and the food wasnt anything very awesome. plus kinda pricey. :x

but but Karu's Curry really very worth the trip!
imagine refillable nasi briyani. OMG GLUTTON'S DREAM *drools*
and each person only pays a freaking $3.20 for that okay.
outside stalls sell briyani for $6. seems like daylight robbery if you compare like that LOL.
the masala chicken was also damn nice, i love love the chilli.
okay whoever knows me well knows i cant resist chilli. hehehe.
and did i mention the pappadum which wasnt oily at all? :D

me and ahpok ate 2 servings each. bwahaha.

oh and the only bad thing is, you smell like indian food after going cause of the aircon. :xx

definitely going to go back someday,
hopefully with my parents cause
1. dad can drive, and
2. mom loves nasi briyani. plus its so cheap, even if she only takes one serving still worth :B

uber long post today.
tmr's a sunday, and i'm going brunch with the clique girls ! ♥

complications

does life automatically come with problems,
or do we simply love to complicate life?

good intentions can be twisted and warped into malice.
something so simple may be perceived as having hidden intentions.
while acts of concern may hide ulterior motives.

nobody is innocent.

everybody's waiting for you to breakdown
everybody's watching to see the fall out
even when you're sleeping, 
keep your eyes open.

the world's a vicious cycle.
we trust, we hurt, and we sometimes choose not to see, hear or feel.
sometimes we care too much, think too much.
but we're only human.

_________________________________________________________________________


dinner at changi city point's spaghetti goemon.
been craving it for some time and i finally managed to psycho jh, bowei and jx t go with me.
verdict? disappointed.

its not my first time at spaghetti goemon; i've had it at the citylink mall's branch. twice at least.
the food there was awesome max, but apparently they didnt meet standards at CCP's.
they actually changed the menu too. my favourite cheesecake isnt available anymore ):
the pasta was kinda hard, and dessert was just gross.
you'd think nothing could go wrong with mango pudding but they proved tt wrong :x
plus service sucks.

so nah, if you ask me, i'd rather travel further to enjoy my food than go back to CCP's.

_________________________________________________________________________

sometimes hope is required to keep you going,
but there are some things that i simply dont even dare to hope for.
because knowing that it can never happen, just kills me.