lazy weekends

meant to be spent lazing around, instead of going to lectures :x

took half-day on thursday to dye my hair !
back to shunji matsuo@313, which was where i went for my last dye job in dec.
the color lasted quite well, and i wanted to try the treatment this time :B

my stylist was zenn, and she was really nice and patient!
i wanted to do electric blue streaks next time, and she helped answer the many queries i had.
she advised me to do the treatment this time to prep my hair for the pre-lightning process,
and also told me how it would turn out after multiple washes (ashy-blue).
heheheh probably gonna do this wild color in the future.

loved how my red hair turned out ♥

special thanks to ahpok, who waited for me for around 2 hours.
he didnt wait in vain, cause we were t watch iron-man 3 later ! :D
uncle gave me 2 tickets for the premiere, whoots.

ootd for thursday: 

reversible racer tank top from dandzelia, 

swish it fishtail skirt in indigo from my ever fav TTR.

with my favourite taupok :B

skipped lecture on saturday to have brunch with my sisters !
and recruit loh bowei. hahaha.

went to A for Arbite, at 28 Aliwal St.
strike another place off the glutton list !
love the ambience and layout. feels like a kindergarten classroom :D

blackboard for menu, lego blocks lining the bar, and the tables !

♥

food was awesomely yummy too!
walao if only every weekend was such an indulgence,
i'd definitely expand in size. :x

bowei's pancakes - banana x sea salt caramel.

jingxuan's egg benedict 

me and jinghui's B for Breakfast ! 

i love the scrambled eggs, the bacon, the potatoes, the mushrooms,

the salad, the grilled tomato! okay thats everything except the beans.

truffle fries. second time and i'm still not impressed.

i'm happy with my good old mac fries.

cream of tomato soup, and my iced chocolate. 

this is the cutest pepper shaker ever !

looks like a telescope/metal syringe

to use it, you have to press the knob on top.

like using a pipette ! :B

my sisters scolded me a geek for being obsessed with it,

but later on they also spammed playing . cheyyyy~

ootd for sat: 

basic toga top from pearlavish

leather pleat skirt from megagamie

and metal plate belt koped from jh. hehehe.

jh's ootd.

we're always different like that, i'm colorful and she's monochrome

but no one could ask for a better and crazier sister. ♥

above all, i love the bonding time with my sisters.
its not always easy to spend time with them, cause we are busy with our own stuff.
sometimes i come home and they're already asleep.
so this brunch was a perfect excuse for us to hang out.

cooked dinner for taupok !

was feeling lazy to go out, so we decided to stay at home and slack.

both taupok and jx were the perfect guinea pigs for me to try out my skills.

finally perfected my chawanmushi, after goodness me how many attempts!

this time the texture and taste was just right. :D

first time trying to prepare omu rice too. 

used one egg and soya sauce to season, so it didnt turn out fluffily yellow.

next time i know to use two eggs and salt alr :B

it will rain - bruno mars

If you ever leave me, baby,
Leave some morphine at my door
Cause it would take a whole lot of medication
To realize what we used to have,
We don't have it anymore.

There's no religion that could save me
No matter how long my knees are on the floor, oh
So keep in mind all the sacrifices I'm making
To keep you by my side
And keep you from walking out the door.

Cause there'll be no sunlight, if I lose you, baby
There'll be no clear skies, if I lose you, baby
Just like the clouds,
my eyes will do the same if you walk away
Everyday, it will rain, rain, rain

I'll never be your mother's favorite
Your daddy can't even look me in the eye
Oooh if I were in their shoes, I'd be doing the same thing
Saying there goes my little girl walking with that troublesome guy

But they're just afraid of something they can't understand
well little darling watch me change their minds
Yeah for you I'll try, I'll try, I'll try, I'll try
I'll pick up these broken pieces 'til I'm bleeding
If that'll make it right

Cause there'll be no sunlight, if I lose you, baby
There'll be no clear skies, if I lose you, baby
Just like the clouds,
my eyes will do the same if you walk away
Everyday, it will rain, rain, rain

Don't just say goodbye,
don't just say goodbye
I'll pick up these broken pieces 'til I'm bleeding
If that'll make it right


Cause there'll be no sunlight, if I lose you, baby
There'll be no clear skies, if I lose you, baby
Just like the clouds,
my eyes will do the same if you walk away
Everyday, it will rain, rain, rain.


___________________________________________________________________________

more than i like to admit, we still have a long way to go.

six degrees of separation - the script

You've read the books,
You've watched the shows,
What's the best way no one knows, yeah,
Meditate, get hypnotized.
Anything to take from your mind.
But it won't go

You're doing all these things out of desperation,
You're going through six degrees of separation.

You hit the drink, you take a toke.
Watch the past go up in smoke.
Fake a smile, yeah, lie and say that,
I'm better now than ever, and your life's okay
Well it's not. No.

You're doing all these things out of desperation,
You're going through six degrees of separation.

First, you think the worst is a broken heart
What's gonna kill you is the second part
And the third, is when your world splits down the middle
And fourth, you're gonna think that you fixed yourself
Fifth, you see them out with someone else
And the sixth, is when you admit that you may have messed up a little.

No, no, there ain't no help, it's every man for himself
No, no, there ain't no help, it's every man for himself

You tell your friends, yeah, strangers too,
Anyone'll throw an arm around you.
Tarot cards, gems and stones,
Believing all that shit is gonna heal your soul.
We'll it's not, no

You're only doing things out of desperation,
You're going through six degrees of separation.

First, you think the worst is a broken heart
What's gonna kill you is the second part
And the third, is when your world splits down the middle
And fourth, you're gonna think that you fixed yourself
Fifth, you see them out with someone else
And the sixth, is when you admit that you may have messed up a little.

No there's no starting over,
without finding closure.
You'd take them back, no hesitation,
that's when you know you've reached the sixth degree of separation

First, you think the worst is a broken heart
What's gonna kill you is the second part
And the third, is when your world splits down the middle
And fourth, you're gonna think that you fixed yourself
Fifth, you see them out with someone else
And the sixth, is when you admit that you may have messed up a little.

leave me out of this please

one of the many fears when you first start working would be office politics.

i first experienced it when i started out at my aunt's clinic.
its really ugly, because i never expected it to happen.
the two CAs who backstabbed were ironically the ones whom i've known the longest.
they've seen me since i was bloody six/twelve years old, respectively.
just because i gained a freaking $1/hr raise.
fyi i was earning $9/hr after the raise. and they're earning $16/hr okay.
SERIOUSLY LOR. -.-

such is the ugly and disgusting side of human nature.

mild case of politics when i was training at SGH SOC lab.
thank my lucky stars i was posted out, cause i cant imagine staying there long-term.
lets just say lunch time would have been very emo nemo. :x

bedok lab made me really happy cause everyone got along.. for awhile.

around 8 months later there was some kind of disagreement between two colleagues of mine.
but it didnt really affect me, just sometimes awkward only.
this tension was relieved too, after july's staff reshuffling exercise.

then today i realised that you can never run away from politics -.-

apparently, tongues are starting to wag.
accusations are flying that bedok staff claim time-off atrociously
which makes me feel so pissed mad !

we have the largest workload amongst all other labs, and there are stats to prove it.
additionally, with tampines' temporary closure,
even more patients are flocking here instead of the temp site at geylang east.
280 plus patients in a single morning is nothing strange to us.

other labs dont even have that many patients in a single day -.-

despite the high workload, we dont even have a complete team of staff.
right now there are 5 of us and a trainee.
there's a limit to the amount of work she can do, and sometimes we even have to guide her.
if any of us take mc, there is also no guarantee that there will be a replacement as well.

we slog our guts out, sometimes staying back to finish work even during lunch/after hours.
whatever extra time we put in, we claim back in the form of a half day.
its actually an accumulation and everything is recorded.

so what do these freaking people have to be jealous about? -.-

if they want to have such 'benefits', they should try working at bedok lor.
see if they can cope with the shit we face.
they are the people who can have tea breaks and what not.
me, i dont even have time to go to the bloody toilet. ._.

gahs, talk about (un)fair treatment . -.-

RIP MSN messenger ):

msn messenger has been such an integral part of my life,
its kinda weird to not be able to login anymore :x

still remember when it first started and everyone was nudging like siao.
deng deng deng all over the place, esp in the comp lab LOL.
whoever forget to off sound will kena scolding like shit by the teacher ;p.

the happy feeling when the guy i liked talked to me.
HAHAHAH omg so paiseh saying this,
but i'm damn sure everyone has gone thru that. :B
it was like, the only place where i could talk to him,
cause i was so damn quiet and shy last time.

looking back, guess i really gained a truckload of confidence since then. ^_^

and who can forget all the conversations?
group chat = spam and talk rubbish.
such an awesome way to do project discussion also.
most of the time kena diverted la,
but i actually used it to plan a role play script for understanding theatre.
three of us came up with the dialogue by spontaneously 'acting' the scenes online. hehehe. (Y)

loved all the late night conversations i've had too.
definitely will miss that.

oh yeah, and i can never forget. flooding of emoticons!
wtf bimb's specialty, all the crying/emo onions and monkeys.
plus all the teeko eyebrow raising faces.
and and all the display names. rainbow font, smileys and shit. pattern all come out.
wah super nostalgic. ♥

guess all good things have t come to an end though.
bye msn, it has been fun. :D

detachment

i think there comes a time when you simply dont know what to feel anymore.
drained, empty and unfeeling.

too many fucked up things.
too much fucked up feelings.

times when i just use sleep as a cure, telling myself when i wake up, i'd be fine again.

i care, but i choose not to show anymore.

cause it seems like no one else bothers either.

那些你很冒险的梦 - 林俊桀

當兩顆心開始震動
當你瞳孔學會閃躲
當愛慢慢被遮住只剩下黑
距離像影子被拉拖

當愛的故事像聽說
我找不到你單純的面孔
當生命每分每秒都為你轉動
心多執著就加倍心痛

那些你很冒險的夢　我陪你去瘋
摺紙飛機　碰到雨天　終究會墜落
太殘忍的話我只說　因為愛很重
你卻不想懂　只往反方向走

當愛的故事像聽說
我找不到你單純的面孔
當生命每分每秒都為你轉動
心有多執著就加倍心痛

那些你很冒險的夢　我陪你去瘋
摺紙飛機　碰到雨天　終究會墜落
太殘忍的話我只說　因為愛很重
你卻不想懂　只往反方向走

我不想放手　你鬆開的左手
你愛的放縱　我擺不回天空
我輸了　累了　等你　再也不回頭

那些你很冒險的夢　我陪你去瘋
摺紙飛機　碰到雨天　終究會墜落
太殘忍的話我只說　因為愛很重
你卻不想懂　只往反方向走
你真的不懂　我的愛已降落

give me strength

life's been a bitch recently,
every single day has been fucked up in one way or another.
questioning myself if what i'm fighting for is worth it or not.
right now, my stubborn streak doesnt want to give up yet.

i dont want to give up my job cause it provides me with stability, in terms of both time and money.
however, its having the opposite effect on my emotions.
i'm more or less an angsty bitch at work. to the patients la, never to my colleagues.
the kind of verbal abuse and insults we get daily in return for our hard work.
sometimes it just gets so fucking frustrating.
my faith in humanity really hangs in the balance. -.-

plus the fact that the management doesnt appreciate us.
who has ever heard of increased workload, but decreased manpower? is that fair?
it doesnt mean just cause we're an efficient team, that you can throw more sai at us to pick.

it gets really busy to the extent, tt i have gotten used to not having lunch break and leaving late.

sometimes i wish i was more selfish and less dedicated to my job.
but knowing myself, its kinda hard cause i believe in doing the best i can for every task.
does this count as self-praise? hahahah.

when it comes to school, i dont know how to view it.
its another struggle to get back into the chiongster mode
and i worry that im not doing enough.
whatever energy i have left fter a busy day at work doesnt last anymore
i find myself nodding off while listening to elec,
sometimes even while writing my notes.
feel so pissed off at myself for being unable to function.
i know its not my fault but i just hate myself for wasting time.

and im afraid despite all my effort, i wont be able to achieve the grades i want.

such conflict.
working hard for my studies but ironically my studies suffer cause of my work.

i try not to think negative but really, there is only so much i can tolerate.
this past week was really shit,
ended up with many a night washing my pillow with tears .
sometimes i dont even know why i felt so down.
and i think i scared my mom when she saw me crying after i came home from work.
she was like OMG JINGTING WHAT HAPPENED. :x.

yeah and its not just my mom.
sorry to my dad, my sisters, 大姑姑, ahpok, bimb, von, sok and ahsai for making you guys worry.
thanks for your encouragement, really touched. ♥

i promise i'll try my utmost best to not break down anymore.

hang on and hang on till 2015 bahs.
thats all i can hope at the moment.

no river runs deeper than the tear from my eye

this line kept running through my head the whole day

...

exactly how deep can hurt go?

cant believe you'd say that.

最强悍的第三者永远都不是别人

而是命运

another year

yet another year has passed.

the memories are still vivid.
the emotions are still fresh.
and the scars still tingle.

we've moved on with life,
but you're always on our minds.

wishing you were here to see how cute baby fishball is.
wishing you could have seen jh wearing her diploma gown.
wishing that you can see how bonded the whole family is still.
wishing you were able to go genting with us again

a million things to tell you. countless words unsaid.

but you're always watching over us, arent you ahgong? (:

never knew i could hurt like this
everyday life goes on but
i wish i could talk to you awhile
miss you but i try not to cry
as time goes by

and its true that you've reached a better place
still i'll give the world to see your face
and i'm here right next to you
but it's like you're gone too soon
now the hardest thing to do is to say, byebye.

and you never got the chance to see how good i've done,
and you never got to see me back at number one
i wish that you were here to celebrate together
i wish that we could spend the holidays together

i remember when you used to tuck me in at night
with the teddy bear you gave me that i held so tight
i thought you were so strong
you'd made it through whatever
its so hard to accept the fact you're gone forever.

your eldest granddaughter still misses you.

Good Intentions - Dappy

I've seen a lot of things in life that words can't explain
See we ain't any different but we just ain't the same
They never listen when we tell 'em, tell 'em
All they understand is venom, venom
People only use you when you let 'em, let 'em
Well if that's the case then I'm the one to blame

Cause there's a man overboard
And the tides gonna drag him down
If there's a man in the clouds
Tell me where the hell is he now

Why is the silence so loud?
Have I thrown it all away?
Lemme know, Lemme know
Tell me is that what happens just for having a good intention
Look what happened to my good intentions

Why won't anybody answer my question
Why is the silence so loud?
I think I've thrown it all away
I don't know, I don't know
But lemme know
Hear me out before you label me the bad one

I'm walking through the desert but I'm drowning inside
No river runs deeper than the tear from my eye
You only make 'em get even bitter
I wish I wasn't such a giver
I apologise to my liver
Cause if that's the case then you're the one to blame

Cause there's a man over board
And the tides gonna drag him down
If there's a man in the clouds
Then tell me where the hell is he now

Why is the silence so loud?
Have I thrown it all away?
Lemme know, Lemme know
Tell me is that what happens just for having a good intention
Look what happened to my good intentions

Why won't anybody answer my question
Why is the silence so loud
I think I've thrown it all away
I don't know, I don't know
But lemme know
Hear me out before you label me the bad one

Am I wrong to think the worlds got it in for me
And am I right to say I'm longing for some sympathy
See I feel a sound, but I can't hear it
That's my heart strings getting played like a symphony

You know you turned me insane
Why you staring at window when I'm the one with the pain
You know you set me off the rails
And you'll be to blame
if you ever hear i jumped in front of the train
we're both fucked in the brain

Cause there's a man over board
And the tides gonna drag him down
If there's a man in the clouds
Well tell me where the hell is he now

Why is the silence so loud?
Have I thrown it all the way?
Lemme know, Lemme know
Tell me is that what happens just for having a good intention
Look what happened to my good intentions

Why won't anybody answer my question
Why is the silence so loud
I think I've thrown it all away
I don't know, I don't know
But lemme know
Hear me out before you label me the bad one

我们两人之间不需要这样

satisfaction

feeling ridiculously happy and satisfied cause i just completed 95% of my bloody report!
same kind of euphoria i get from eating yummy food. :B

took me alot of procrastinating and bitching and falling asleep on my keyboard.
but its finally almost done. teehee.

its been kinda hard to get back on track after a term break,
esp when CNY mood is everywhere.
i dont feel it strongly but people around me do, so its not easy to focus :/

then again,
really, who am i kidding?

should have had more self-discipline. :x

my choices results in the life i have and will have.

sometimes as im browsing through instagram,
i envy those bloggers/blogshop owners.
they shop, fly, eat and enjoy.
luxuries that i cannot have.

but on deeper thought, they have put in hard work and efforts too.
just on a different level and method.

one day i will 飞去日本 jiak sushi too :D
for now, i'll make do with sakae .

forever and always

and she said
I want you forever, forever and always
Through the good and the bad and the ugly
We'll grow old together, and always remember
Whether happy or sad or whatever
We'll still love each other, forever and always

i have encountered many old patients in my course of work.
some of them come alone, most of them with their children.
occasionally they're with their equally frail other half.

seeing these old couples, really gives me this unexplainable surge of emotions.

i watch them holding each other's wrinkled hands,
guiding the other carefully out of the door.

i remember the uncle who brushed his daughter aside.
he insisted on pushing his wheelchair-bound wife personally into the room.
he then took a seat nearby because his legs are not that strong either.

i recall the white haired aunty reassuring her husband that it was going to be painless.
holding his hand tight as he watched the needle with fear.

and just today, i witnessed how a smile brightened an old man's face,
when i led his wife out after her ECG.
seriously, the moment he saw her he smiled super happily. and toothlessly.

from my own paternal grandparents, i also learnt lessons.

no matter how much ahma niam at ahgong, sometimes for no good reasons,
ahgong also took it good naturedly, never raising his voice.
even when he was frustrated, he chose to keep quiet instead of saying hurtful words.

when ahgong was sick, ahma took care of him unconditionally.
his mess, his food, his medication, everything she took care of.
even when she was emotionally and physically tired,
she tolerated and took care of him the best she could.

the heartbreaking fact is when one of them has to leave first.
the pain and loss she felt is incomparable.
when what was a whole became only half..

when we're young and naive teens, we search and crave for love.
without understanding what it really is.

elderly couples are the living testimonial that love is not about romance or flowers or gifts.
all those are just superficial.
it cannot be bought, only felt through sincere actions.
the kind of love which will last for decades.
living with the same person, watching him/her grow old.
tolerating each other's negatives and appreciating the positives.
it teaches patience, forbearance and forgiveness.

for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health.

forever and always.

Eyes Open - Taylor Swift

Everybody's waiting
Everybody's watching
Even when you're sleeping
Keep your eyes open

The tricky thing is yesterday we were just children
Playing soldiers
Just pretending
Dreaming dreams with happy endings
In backyards, winning battles with our wooden swords
But now we've stepped into a cruel world
Where everybody stands and keeps score

Keep your eyes open

Everybody's waiting for you to breakdown
Everybody's watching to see the fallout
Even when you're sleeping, sleeping
Keep your eyes open
Keep your eyes open
Keep your eyes open

So here you are, two steps ahead and staying on guard
Every lesson forms a new scar
They never thought you'd make it this far

But turn around (turn around), oh they've surrounded you
It's a showdown (showdown) and nobody comes to save you now

But you've got something they don't
Yeah you've got something they don't
You've just gotta keep your eyes open

Everybody's waiting for you to breakdown
Everybody's watching to see the fallout
Even when you're sleeping, sleeping
Keep your eyes open
Keep your eyes open
Keep your eyes

Keep your feet ready
Heartbeat steady
Keep your eyes open
Keep your aim locked
The night goes dark
Keep your eyes open

Everybody's waiting for you to breakdown
Everybody's watching to see the fallout
Even when you're sleeping, sleeping
Keep your eyes open

人不可貌相

never judge a book by its fucking cover,
no matter how well you think you know the story.

i think there's a limit to my tolerance and you just fucking crossed the line.

happy chinese new year !

wishing everyone a prosperous and smooth year!
most importantly, must stay healthy. (:

had an early reunion dinner with ahma's side this year,
cause first aunt and family has to go back to kuching.

the amount of hard work we put into preparation. hahahah.

with our beloved ahma.

had our usual steamboat hehehe.
my seating position is awesome, right in front of the abalone :D
some more this year kena stuck inside, means i dont have to pay my 'ERP', hahahah!

as usual, the girls all pedi/mani and the guys 游干泳

actual 除夕 reunion dinner was with waipo's side; a first for me.
another first being this year, my mum actually invited ahpok along, omg super happy. :D


first day was our standard, first ahma house, then waipo house.

ootd for day one. 

teehee bright yellow cause i'm 黄靖婷 ^.^V

the three meh mehs.  ♥

adorable baby fishball !!  ♥

my laopeh  ♥

laobu  ♥

my two sisters !  ♥

damn it, both taller than me liao. 

second day nua awhile at home before visiting third aunt's house.
this year managed to meet ahsai ! hahaha.
every time we cant meet, or the timing miss each other's hahah.

third day hosted my waipo's side at my house.
had fun playing dance central/kinect, esp when we forced the older ones to play LOL.

ricky martin's livin la vida loca

all the goodies 搬出来 

went back to ahma's hse in the evening cause first aunt came back liao :D
eeeee super happy to see her, even though its been 3 days nia.
just not the same when one of us is not around :x

CNY has always been my favorite holiday cause its really family time.
the atmosphere is slightly more quiet this year, actually.
not just this year, but ever since 2 years ago.
still missing ahgong, especially when ahma cried before we were having reunion dinner.
she's better than last year, but still. ):

must always treasure what we have right now.
before its too late.

determination

my life is mainly work, then work/study.

its mostly really very tiring.

my patience is tested almost everyday.

i complain about all these shit, quite a lot actually.

as much as i bitch about the shitty aspects, 

i have already come to terms that this is the life i have.

or at least, for now.

i have to study because a diploma is not enough. 

i want to be more, learn more. 

i know that i didnt do well in poly to go to a local uni, that was my mistake.

so now i'm making up for it.

i chose to pay my own school fees because i wanted to ease this load off my parents' shoulders.

i chose to take on my full time job cause i want the experience.

choy la, if i ever have to stay as med tech all my life, at least i will have an advantage already.

i love the team i am working with right now.

i'm steady enough to tackle the challenges which may come.

i feel accomplished when i'm able to solve shit which occur.

i chose to work part time cause my aunt needs my help.

to make life better for myself, financially.

i made my choice to choose these options,

but at the same time,

it doesnt mean nothing will change because everything always changes.

life isnt always about getting what you want; its not an all or nothing event.

you use your goals as an aim, not an ultimatum. 

its about living with what you have and making the best out of it.

its about grabbing opportunities when they arise.

i choose to vent, rant, bitch and complain.

but i will never choose quitting.

cause this girl's a fighter.

and i will persevere ! :D

永远记得，先苦后甜

bye january, hello february!

first month of 2013 is done,
what have you achieved in these 31 days?

so far, its been a generally lousy month for me. ):

work is not getting any smoother (what's new?) and is probably gonna get worse.
gotta face an increased workload for another 6 months, due to tampines polyclinic closure.
facing problems getting along with tamp's staff.
omg its almost like a re-run of last year july -.-
and workflow is just getting more complicated with so many stuff added.

got really disappointing results for my previous module.
cant believe i got such marks despite feeling confident for it.
really affected my mood, so demoralised. ):
shaun says its best if i keep fearing for my results,
cause i will get distinction when i worry. LOL idiot.

guess i gotta give my all for this current module to make up for it bahs.
cause what's done is done, no point regretting.
however its not gonna be easy.
other than adjusting back to my busy schedule after a 2 months break,
year three modules really require alot of dedication.
hope i can cope with it, on top of everything else. :x

some personal issues that have yet to be resolved.
its so annoying, cause i want to do smth abt it but i cant.
dont even know whats the best way to approach it, let alone solve.
feeling like a fucking human sandwich, with mind conflicting over emotions.
进退维谷 sia. zzz.
__________________________________________________________________________________

february. please be a little kinder and let me grow lesser wrinkles/white hair can?

so far everything still looks abit more positive cause there's CNY.
and CNY 2013 means a three day short break. no school no work nada. :D

first saturday of feb also placed me in a happy mood already.
work was still meh, but i got to meet bimb for a short lunch :D
and what's meeting the bff without gossip ?! hahahahah.
eh now i realised, we never take any camwhore shots damn it. roar.

had awesome dinner with ahpok too !
i forced him to think of places to eat cause he's more picky and i'm sick of deciding :x
so taa-daaa, he found this cafe in kampong glam.

Vintage Delicafe

66 Bussorah Street 199479
Nearest mrt: Bugis. Short walk from Sultan Mosque.
Phone : (65) 6297 9591
Email: vintage@vintagedelicafe.com.sg

the place was quite cosy and gave you this home feel. which i like.

best of all it serves quite a variety of western food !
did i mention it was halal? :D
*refer to old post regarding headache over finding unique halal places with good food.

kind of crowded but it was expected during a sat night.
despite the fact that they were busy,
the service staff still took time to ask if we were enjoying our meal.
really is thumbs up for the place, dont mind going back a second time. :B

the serious face and that smile :D

strawberry sparkling water for pok, apple sparkling water for me!

omg i actually forgot it was carbonated, then i challenged pok to a speed drinking competition.

first big swallow and i regretted. kept burping silently after that LOLOL.

Vintage homemade cream of mushroom soup. comes with garlic bread.

love love love.

got om nom mushroom slices inside, and the garlic bread can fight with pizza hut's.

you know its serious when i draw such comparisions.

mine! grilled dory (hahahah) marinated with paprika and herbs.

choice of cream of mushroom herb sauce or tomato. 

the first choice is actually the same mushroom soup, hahah.

should have chosen tomato cause the mushroom sauce didnt complement the marinate.

kinda covered the taste cause its creamy.

why no lemon butter sauce hor?! :x

taupok's grilled salmon with cream of mushroom herb sauce.

the salmon is freaking bloody goooood. 

i'm not even a fan of salmon, with its kind of fishy taste.

this one has no fishy taste at all. damn fresh. 

jh will definitely love this. *cues excited arms and face*

pricing is definitely worth it, based on the quality of the ingredients and its portion.
feeling very satisfied and sated. :B
with the ambience and great service, we're definitely going back heheh.
i know i want to try their pasta next time. :D

thank you pok, for tolerating my shitty attitude and rants for the whole month. 

words

words are indeed very powerful.

able to convey thoughts and emotions.
able to affect feelings; make someone smile, laugh or cry.

what are words if you really dont mean them when you say them?
what are words if they're only for good times, then they dont?

déjà vu

the phenomenon of having the strong sensation that an event or experience currently being experienced had been experienced in the past

i experience déjà vu very commonly, 
so much that it sometimes creeps me out.
its like this really strong sense of familiarity.

i'll freeze and try figure out what happens next.
most of the time i divert myself, change my actions to sort of snap out of it.
but sometimes i cant control it.
especially when the action is by someone else.

like just now omg, three flashes of déjà vu.
ahpok msn-ed me, bimb whatsapped me and my reply to both was the same.
next moment i received an sms and i somehow knew it was gonna happen too. 
my expression is usually quite epic at times like this. :x

chnl 8's drama beyond actually suggested a reason behind déjà vu.
smth like parallel universes, as a result of our decisions.
really got me thinking, what if its true?
i see it as a flashback, cause somewhere in another dimension i have alr experienced it.
so, how would i be in those parallels?
:OO

i'd be a kick-ass vampire with naturally red hair. LOL.

or maybe a successful doctor specializing in oncology. i'd find the freaking cure for cancer.

or i'd just stay as i am right now, cause i love being me. :D
most of the time, at least. 

purging

decided that i have no use for such toxins in my life.
2013 is indeed separation year.

thanks and bye.

the white room

you walk into a room.
its all white, with no windows, just a door.
what would you do?

a. stay. b. leave c. do something

.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.

this room, represents relationships.

when i was asked this question, i wasnt told what the room represented.
out of the options, i chose c.

why not make something out of nothing?
no one said i was empty-handed, i.e. with no tools to change/deco the walls.
it has potential to change ma, i thought.

hahah. my thinking at that time kinda reflects my naivety.
overly optimistic, believing all efforts will bear fruit in the end.
overly confident that i could make a difference.
overly trusting that i have the ability to make things better.

actually the room represents more than relationships. its life in general.
not everyone will choose the same option.

some people stubbornly stay.
they refuse to change, neither will they leave.
they're just holding on.

some people choose to leave.
cold, bare and there is nothing worth staying for.
why not let go and move on?

people like me, choose to do something about the situation.
but how do i know when its time to stop trying?

we can never force people to leave if they want to stay.
we can never hope for people to stay if they want to leave.
we can never ask for people to stop trying.

because the outcome can only be their own choice.

the serenity to accept what i cannot change,
the courage to change what i can change,
the wisdom to know the difference.

真的真的真的真的很累了

i've alr lost track of the amt of times i've wanted to just break down.
feel so emotionally, mentally and physically tired.

everything everywhere everyone can be a trigger.
this reminds me of that, that links me to another.
a million gunshots just waiting to resonate out.

i really dont want to collapse.
because i have no time to.

why didnt anyone think of getting me a capsule as a present instead. :/
shut myself inside a bubble and let it drain my worries dry.

starting to think that feeling nothing is better than feeling at all.

random thoughts II

we arrive in this world alone, and we die alone.
so why do we fear being lonely?

change is permanent, but i should always be me.

what doesnt kill you makes you stronger everytime,
dont let them tell you how to live your life.

i dont want to grow up.
to leave my dreams behind.
to learn how to live by myself.
to become cynical and twisted.

tomato or corn soup for lunch?

i'm sickened just by the sight of your face.
never knew i could feel such abhorrence.
what happened?

everyone is selfish.
live with that fact.

what doesnt kill you makes you stronger, stand a little taller.
doesnt mean i'm lonely when i'm alone.
what doesnt kill you makes a figher, footsteps even lighter
doesnt mean i'm over cause you're gone.

where did i go wrong, i lost a friend
somewhere along in the bitterness
and i would have stayed up with you all night
if i'd known how to save a life.

if you need to change yourself to please someone,
please change that someone away.

i have a love/hate relationship with my intuition.
sometimes i wish it wasnt that creepily accurate.

what is true and what is reality?

favourite thought today, quoted from taupok :
life is exactly like an ECG.
filled with ups and downs.
without them, we're dead. 
*beep*

old school - hedley

Don't believe everything happiness says
Nothing feels better than hiding these days
We bury our fears in the drinks, in these tears
For the days we believed we could fly

Call up your brothers and sisters and friends
We'll go back to the place where the night never ends
We'll remember the fires, the burning car tires
Boy how in the hell did we get here?

So why don't you meet me, down behind the old school
We'll waste away the weekend, with perfect regard for how
Cavalier we used to be, that beautiful insanity
The apathy's surrounding me
Don't close your eyes or we'll fade away

Over and over and over again
We sat down for a minute, grew up into men
Now we're putting out fires and changing car tires
Man how in hell did we get here?

So why don't you meet me, down behind the old school
We'll waste away the weekend, with perfect regard for how
Cavalier we used to be, that beautiful insanity
The apathy's surrounding me
Don't close your eyes or we'll fade away this time

And we'll never get back what we
Gave away, when we still have that fire in our eyes
Don't believe everything happiness says
Nothings as real as our old reckless ways
When we drink by the fires
The burning car tires
Bad girls and good liars
The dreams we'd conspire
The days we went crazy
The nights wild and hazy
Man how in the hell did we get here?

So why don't you meet me, down behind the old school
We'll waste away the weekend, with perfect regard for how
Cavalier we used to be, that beautiful insanity
The apathy's surrounding me
Don't close your eyes or we'll fade away

Why don't you meet me, down behind the old school
We'll waste away the weekend, with perfect regard for how
Cavalier we used to be, that beautiful insanity
The apathy's surrounding me
Don't close your eyes or we'll fade away

resignation

i should accept the facts by now.

that i will never be truly accepted because of my insistence.
that i will never get the happy ending i want.

should stop lying to myself.

never had a dream come true - s club 7

Everybody's got something
They had to leave behind
One regret from yesterday
That just seems to grow with time

There's no use looking back, or wondering
How it could be now or might've been
All this I know
But still I can't find ways to let you go

I never had a dream come true
'til the day that I found you
Even though I pretend that I've moved on
You'll always be my baby
I never found the words to say
You're the one I think about each day
And I know no matter where life takes me to
A part of me will always be with you

Somewhere in my memory
I've lost all sense of time
And tomorrow can never be
Cause yesterday is all that fills my mind

There's no use looking back,oh wondering
How it should been, now oh might've been
All this I know
But,still I can't find ways to let you go

I never had a dream come true
'til the day that I found you
Even though I pretend that I've moved on
You'll always be my baby
I never found the words to say
You're the one I think about each day
And I know no matter where life takes me to
A part of me will always be with you

You'll always be the dream that fills my head
Yes you will, Say you will,
You know you will oh baby
You'll always be the one I know I'll never forget
There's no use looking back,oh wondering
Because love is a strange and funny thing
No matter how hard I try and try
I just can't say good bye
No no no no

favourite song when i was what, sec 1? HAHAHA.
felt so nostalgic listening to it. :B

sometimes we have to learn to let go to move on.
no matter how painful, living in the now is better than living in the past. (:

thank you

for your care and concern
for your listening ear
for loving me
for being there
for trusting me
for believing me
for the surprises
for letting me know you
for understanding me
for accepting me
for being my family.
for being my friends.
for being my bimbos. *this is for jh, shirlee, and potentially ahsai. hahaha.
for being my shopping buddy.
for being my breakfast/lunch/dinner/supper buddy.
for pranking me
for providing gossips.
for singing k with me
for working with me
for your tolerance
for letting me cry on your shoulder
for teaching me
for helping me
for scolding me
for humilating me cause i learnt how to fight back.
for letting me know how twisted humanity may be.
for showing me how love is really like.

for being part of my life.

*wanted to write an even more long ass post but i got lazy. :B
so i just word vomited every single thought of gratitude i felt at the moment.
its not everything but i mean everything i said. right now.

happy 2013!

its the first day of 2013 , and im sitting on the hotel room floor. LOL

cant sleep right now cause im alr timed to be awake :x 

which is ironic cause usually i cant get up on time.

2012 has been a year of milestones for me. 

officially turned 21, legally an adult. 

yet somehow i feel as if ive alr been responsible for alot of things for a long time

kinda miss the times where i didnt have to care or worry as much

freedom means a whole lot of difference to me now. 

officially a driver too!
getting more confident on the road. ^.^V
hehe though i'm un-insured.
personal furthest record was to sembawang camp.

taupok finally went public LOL

its a small step but at least my parents accept him

not gonna be smooth yet, but at least i no longer carry guilt

now its just other feelings and issues tt i have to deal with

worked for more than a year as well 

this May will be my second anniversary with sgh. 

learnt many things, tolerated quite some fair bit of shit too. 

worklife is nvr as straightforward as school life

just have to adapt and know how to protect your own back. 

that being said, i feel tt im actually v blessed 

cause i have an awesome team of colleagues to work with

really, everyone is essential if you wanna clear 2xx patients in a morning

some burdens you really wish you could share 

but its tied to you and you have nowhere to loosen it.