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we were strangers, starting out on a journey (:
Wednesday, March 09, 2011
my ahgong was born in the year 1934,
on th 9th day of the 3rd month of the chinese lunar calendar.
we dont know th actual date of birth cause he doesnt care about th usual calendar :3
he was an independent boy, working as a dishwasher to earn money when he was young.
once he got his pay of 50 cents, he ran off to get his tattoo on the left hand. :O
mai siao siao, my ahgong was second-in-charge of 双燕教 okay. *diudiu.
whenever you asked him when he started smoking, he would proudly say "13".
all th doctors that he would later see were so shocked :x
ahgong was super yandao,
but he was also a gangster and supposedly had many girls falling head over heels for him.
so when my ahma decided to be with him,
great grandmother told her not t regret her decision.
more than 50 years later,
ahgong still had not strayed, and neither were there any complaints from my ahma.
he's devoted, and loved my ahma too much t hurt her.
1991, when i was born, ahgong ahma welcomed their first grandchild.
despite me being a girl, instead of a grandson which th ultrasound promised,
they still loved and doted on me.
my ahgong was never one to 重男轻女;
he loved his daughters as much as his sons,
and his grandchildren were all his precious treasures.
my childhood memory of my ahgong, was that he loved us, but was stern at the same time.
he never liked us to make too much noise; if we did, he would frown.
but he always liked to look at us playing downstairs at the playground.
we would call up to the apartment and he would wave at us while smoking.
or at th bus stop; he would sometimes be smoking along the corridor and waiting for us to come.
in February 2010, ahgong was down with a bad cough, which sometimes made him breathless.
an x-ray scan showed a whitish mass in his left lung.
at th time, there was an unspoken fear among family members.
we had hoped that it wouldnt be cancer;
but i already had th suspicion that it would be.
sadly, my doubt was proven right and he was diagnosed with non-small cell lung carcinoma.
everyone was devasted, especially ahma.
however, we persevered tgt as a family.
took turns to accompany him in SGH almost everyday.
even when he had appointments, we would make time and go with him for support.
th oncologist was quite impressed with our family's rapport. (:
i remember an incident where i rushed over during lunch break, when i was having my SIP.
ahgong took my SIP nametag and clipped it to his shirt. sibei cute.
dont regret skipping lunch just for tt smile.
ahgong underwent radiotherapy and it was very successful.
th tumor had reduced by more than half and he felt stronger as well.
the doctor also gave us permission to travel, which my ahgong requested.
as usual, its KL + genting for us.
almost the whole family went, except my uncle.
who knew tt it would be th last? ):
but yeah i think he enjoyed th trip cause we spent alot of time w him. x)
started on chemotherapy not long after.
i was very resistant to th suggestion,
but i guess my aunts didnt want to rule out any hope for recovery.
chemo was stopped after he showed no improvement.
it was also around this time that his voice disappeared,
due to the tumor affecting th vocal cord's lymph node.
thank goodness for the good chemistry we had, if not we wouldnt be able to understand him.
palliative treatment was our option, with th focus on improving quality of life.
in th last two weeks, ahgong became more tired and kept sleeping.
he also had hallucinations and lost his appetite.
we could all see that he was in pain, but there was little to do except for encouraging him.
on 5th march 2011, i received a call from my eldest aunt while at clique's chalet.
she told me that ahgong was going t SGH, as he was breathless and had chills.
i was told tt there wasnt a need to rush home as th ambulance was on its way.
and there wasnt any emergency.
who would have known tt by th second call, ahgong's condition was already not good?
i rushed out and hailed a cab, crying on th way.
ahpok was on th phone with me, and i did calm down for awhile.
tears started dropping when i reached tanah merah, and i had this feeling.
as i stepped into th hse, i heard second aunt telling me tt ahgong passed away few mins before.
i couldnt believe my ears, neither my eyes.
but touching and feeling his cold hands confirmed th unevitable truth.
he looked so peaceful, as if he was sleeping as usual.
preparations for th funeral was wrought with endless amount of tears.
everytime i thought of him, i would either smile or cry. normally th latter :x.
it was hard trying to control my tears.
everytime i miss him i'd go t th coffin and watch his peaceful face and talk t him.
sorta helps me ease some of th grief.
out of th days, i'd say today was th worst.
th final goodbye is always th hardest.
i controlled my tears up till when they covered th coffin.
bth alr, machiam floodgate. D:
watching th coffin proceed towards th furnace was similarly heart-wrenching as well.
th finality of th door closing was simply too much for me to take.
surprisingly felt better after ahgong's photo was back at home.
there was some kind of peace tt i felt.
even more so when we collected his ashes and they told us he had sarira. or 舍利子.
awesome <3
so yes, for all those who are worried abt me, i'm better now. (:
but.. i was kinda envious cause almost everyone had their each other t be there for them.
but well, like what blonde said,
i'm lucky to have supportive friends, who could be there for me.
and th underground secret bf tt loves me as well. <3
so yeah, i must really thank my beloved clique for being so understanding and caring for me.
thanks shirlee, cliff, levon, wayne and ahsok <3
thanks hup song for visiting as well.
and thanks ahpok. i miss you ):
and finally, i love my ahgong. he'll forever be with me and my family, in our hearts (:
♥xoxo