Thursday, April 26, 2012

school > work

feeling really unproductive today,
except for the achievement of getting past slope on circuit 3 times, no stalling. :D

was random clicking on my blog archives.
and i realised that in any of the months before graduation, my life was much more interesting.
like damn, now then i get the full impact of 'school is better than work'.

the list of many retarded but fun happenings, really miss it la.
even SIP was much more fun sia. totally not like now.
you just feel like clockwork, and super stagnant.
and its sorta depressing.

now the best part of every day is after 4.30pm. wtf. _l_

Sunday, April 22, 2012


林俊杰 - Love U U

Love U U 我像孤独的渔夫 说不出爱的温度
很想给你幸福 你却自我保护
转弯处 只剩下潮汐之外的荒芜

Love U U
我在海里迷了路 找不出新的归宿
思念越尝越苦 心跳乱了脚步

就算用尽所有真心 却到不了你的心底
回忆难以靠近 你是我奢求的唯一
让我用尽所有力气 只要你相信
我最坚持的声音 只剩一句 Love U U, stay with me.
能不能别这样放弃 能不能就放开自己
海浪穿透我的伤心 请听一听爱的声音

就算用尽所有真心 却到不了你的心底
回忆难以靠近 你是我奢求的唯一
让我用尽所有力气 只要你相信
我最坚持的声音 只剩一句 Love U U, stay with me.

one of my favourite songs from my favourite singer's new album. 
its also one of the songs which i really feel the depth of emotion weaved in the lyrics.

relationships. never straightforward and never easy.

Sunday, April 15, 2012

the color of your stupid collar.

so i read today's TNP article about how women reject guys who are of lower job status.
and i found it fucking ridiculous, pissed me enough to make me rant here.

blue-collar vs white-collar.
while whites are usually using their brains, blues usually work with their skills.
both categories of jobs are important and significant to the society.
both types make an honest living.
so what's with the discrimination?

just based on the salary and the fucking uni certificate?
it doesnt determine the kind of morals a person has what.
neither does it reflect on the character of a person.
these two are the qualities which determines the value of a human, not the superficial things.

no one cannot gurantee that they are perfect,
even though they supposedly had the 'higher' level of education.

sometimes i think its bullshit.
you know how to study but no morals, wtf for?
become a bastard who backstabs and twists words with your glib silver tongue?

just on friday afternoon at mac.
me and pok overheard this two TKGS students talking about elitism in singapore.
one was complaining abt the affiliation system in the RGS/RI schools.
she was ranting about how they can only study, no need study also auto go in.
even aggregate 200 also can enter the school.

which is fucking not true.

i believe there is a different sort of stress in those schools,
such that their students are always able to score really well and get into the affilate.
simply because it is expected for them to be able to go in.
its like a natural route of progression to them.

those who cant simply will have to bow away from the rafflesian spotlight.
because there is no way they will allow students with lower calibre to enter.
thats the saddening truth.

at that point of time, i could really smell the serious stench of sour grapes from her.
other than affliation system, she was also ranting about how these people will succeed in life,
simply because they were educated there.

are you dumb? they study super hard to keep up with standards, thats why they have the drive!
and that being said, if they were only book smart and not street smart.
they wouldnt survive in the real world either.

felt like telling her, eh bitch, with an attitude like yours,
even if you made it to cambridge you'd get stoned to death cause you're such a retard.
assuming so much that you dont know abt and snobbing them like you dont wanna be part of it.
but shit man, you do, cause the way you scold them is so tinged with vinegar.

i dont believe in the school affecting you, at least not to a large extent.
its the attitude you embody.

i come from really good pri/sec schools and look at where i am sia.
compared to some of my friends (you guys know who you are :D),
if i were to be affected by how far am i from the 'ideal' route,
i should have committed suicide by now.

instead i'm happy with the route i've chosen,
cause its brought me experiences education can never give me.

oh and i realised i deviated quite abit. LOL.

anyway the whole point of my tirade is: fight for what you deem it worth. *spartan roar*

at least the blues would better understand what is the meaning of hardship.
know how to strive for whatever they lack, instead of expecting it to come to them.
sometimes i feel people have high expectations, but no ability to work hard to achieve it.

dont understand what these shallow people aim for.
maybe thats why there are an increasing number of women left on the shelf.
too calculative, too selfish. set super high standards alr.
they nvr reflect on themselves, see if they are actually worth it anot.

and come on la. 21st century liao, dont you guys believe in feminism?
carve out a career for yourself instead of dreaming of becoming taitais la !
like damn, why depend on the guy sia.

really, look on the inside rather than the outside.
its much much more worth it. (:

Saturday, April 07, 2012

what if and if nots.

skipped lecture today to go mitju warehouse sales with bimb and levon !
ended up not buying anything cause nothing practical caught my eye,
and i was nearing my spending limit already.

i blame my favourite blogshop thetinselrack for tempting me :B

but okay la its always awesome to be able to meet up with bffs even if its for awhile. :D

caught the vow with taupok and bimb later on.
i was quite hyped about the movie but it fell short of my expectations.
touching yes, but the ending seemed slightly sloppy. D:

but it provided an interesting debate between me and taupok. hahah.

what would you do if you lost all memory of the people you love?
what would you do if the person you love lost his/her memories of you?
what would you do to regain back these memories?
would you choose to hold on or give up?
would you prefer to forget, or be forgotten?

memories are what shapes us, we are who we are now because of events.
without them we would be nothing.
cause we wouldnt know how to treasure if we had never lost.
we wouldnt know how to love if we had never been loved before.
we wouldnt know happiness before we understood tears.

essentially, we would die without memories.
no impression of who, what, where, when, how. not even of ourselves.
the mind would be like an empty shell, with no sense of purpose. ):

i hope this never happens to me *touchwood*


trust is like a mirror.
once it is broken, it can never be the same.
even if you attempt to fix it, the cracks will forever be there.

Thursday, April 05, 2012

life after death

i think.. ahma might be suffering from mild depression.
a lot of times she's thinking of ahgong and crying.
and other times she has the misconception that everyone deems her as useless.

the truth is, i doubt even she knows what she really wants.

on weekdays, i make it a point to go back every evening after work.
sometimes she complains tt no one bothers to go back for dinner anymore.
only leave her at home to take care of baby wayne and do housework.
she likens herself to a maid. ):
she feels that without ahgong, she has no status and no importance already.

its not true.
my aunts would sometimes buy lunch back for her.
they have tried to call ahma to chit chat, but they always get scolded for nothing.
i think, to the point tt they are too sian to call alr.

making it worse was seeing her cry last weekend.
sunday has traditionally been our family day, everyone would come back for dinner.
so that day everyone was watching tv, playing with the kids. just like normal.

ahma was sitting near me.
she stared off into space, wiping her eyes as though i didnt see the tears.
she then began to open a cupboard near her, as if she was searching/tidying it.
when i asked her what she was looking for, she simply shook her head.

so even when the whole family is around,
ahma is still feeling the emptiness inside.
her behaviour is seriously making me v v v worried.

but i dont know what to do.
except to talk to her more, i have no idea at all.

someone help me? ):

actually it makes me wonder, how to people ever cope with death?
its such a permanent loss.
yes in spirit he/she is always with us.
but its also different.

i know that i definitely havent made a 100% recovery yet.
i cry occasionally, i feel this emptiness inside.
its really impossible to heal a gaping hole. is it?

i've wondered many times, what would happen if i died.
who would grieve, who would cry.
such a morbid thought. hahahah.

yet another emo post. sigh.
sometimes i really dont like to think about such things but it just pops into my mind. :/

Sunday, April 01, 2012

religion and respect.

i got really pissed off after seeing this tweet from a friend.
he has been tweeting religious stuff,
which i am actually fine with cause i believe in freedom of speech.
however this really was uncalled for.

this is what he tweeted: "To be human is to be Muslim"
so i asked him, "so are non-muslims inhuman? wtf?"
and this, is his reply:
"i dont mean it in that way. There's a deeper meaning to it. hope u dun take it the wrong way. Anyway i've removed it. just chill nxt time. Dun have to go "wtf" at me. Hav a nice day."

i believe i could have said a thousand more insulting things than just a wtf.

his attitude drives me freaking mad. sooooo self-righteous.
he smokes.
once we went out tgt, the bill was wrongly calculated.
and he wanted to us to pretend that we never saw the error, just take it as a discount. -.-

as a human, he is already a fail.
lets not factor in the fact that he is a muslim shall we.

if there is a deeper meaning, kindly educate us ignorant fools then.
if you thought you were perfectly right you didnt need to remove the tweet.
and if you didnt want to be mistaken, maybe you should think twice before you even type.


dont understand why is there a need to prove which religion is the best.
each person has their own beliefs, i dont think there is a need to force it upon others.
when i was in ahs the same thing happened, and i got so turned off by it.
in fact some people were so bloody pushy, even till now i have such a bad impression.

there's this constant debate over who's God is the real one.
to the point that people of other faith are being put down.
dont they realise that they are being completely disrespectful?
it doesnt reflect well on their religion either.

thats why i'd rather remain a free thinker.
so long as i live by my morals and principles, its enough.
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