JGR - Reflections for 2016

Let's see..

2016

#1
Travels summed up in hashtags:
#ZouSanKitties
#buddingyeastinJP (First trip to Japan!!)
#ngfamilyjapan2016

Yup I'm still intending to go back to Japan LOLOL.
Not in 2017 la, but omg I love it there so damn much.
Food. People. Places. Weather. All so perfect!
(Except when I got my shoes wet and the wind was blowing omg colddddd)

Definitely want to experience it with pok the next time!

#2
Performed my first ever contemporary dance piece in 9 years!
Actually if I don't count my cca concerts in school, it'll be my first dance concert ever hahahah.

It wasn't an easy journey for me to get back into the swing of things, amidst my busy schedule.
Burnt up a lot of Tuesdays (5 months of training), going for 3 hours of consecutive classes + rehearsals.
And it's not like I'm a fast learner - I had to practice at home and after rehearsals to try and rmb moves.

My fellow dancers also made the entire experience enjoyable too, cause they were all really friendly and encouraging.
I definitely appreciated those who were there to help me spot my mistakes and improve.

People might think its a matter of talent, but other than that, it's a lot of blood, sweat and tears too.
You definitely need stamina to be able to move across a large stage.
So other than Tues, I went for 2 hour sessions on whichever days I was free.

Plus, I had to maintain my figure to squeeze into the costume HAHAHAH.

Really gotta thank my loved ones for supporting me and being so understanding.
Especially pok hahahah, cause I neglected him a lot, particularly so nearer to concert day.

The exhilaration and sense of achievement after completing my 3 min onstage perfectly is priceless.
Definitely would do it again!

#3
Went thru my old reflections and rants before starting this,
and oh man, sometimes I think I sibei emotional hahahah!

I guess it's the way I manage my feelings
I tend to keep it all inside until some trigger point blows me up.
And people who don't know me think I'm overreacting.
Kind of unhealthy in a sense.. but I think it also makes my tolerance better?

Sorry you passerbys :B

i've realised that my efforts are not always appreciated.but i also do know that i will keep trying when i should.because i want to do what i feel like, and what i think is right.

This still rings true, because no matter how hard I try to not care,
there are times where I feel no one gives a shit to my efforts or my feelings, be it family or friends.

Just because I'm easygoing, does not equate to stepping over me, capisce?

Because I don't think its easy to make me angry - mostly I find it easy to ignore people whom I don't give a shit to.
It is more hurtful when it comes from those whom I had expected to know me better. I think.

Don't think it's double standard to expect understanding from people whom I understand right?

Despite this, I still find myself forgiving them easily - especially if they are super important to me.
Provided that they don't keep doing it again la, hahahaha.

#4
I won't say I made progress with pok's family, but at least I tried.
His mom is still super against me, but at least his dad and younger sis are supportive.
Still.. I thought it was pretty fucked up and rude to have her behave like that at pok's graduation :x

#5
But who cares, because BTO liao hahahahahah.

We haven't even gotten our queue number yet, just applied!
Yet it still seems kind of surreal to me that pok would even agree when I asked.

It's like.. And at last I see the light~

Yes obviously I'm the one asking cause I wear the pants HAHAHA.

But omg it was actually my dad who kept pestering us to apply for the Bedok project, LOL.
Didn't know he wanted us out of the house so badly hiakhiak.

So exhilarated that we are finally taking concrete steps.. and I can finally dare to dream about the future.

So for 2017, here's what I hope for..

#1
My loved ones to be happy and healthy.
All the material enjoyments really won't matter unless you're healthy.

#2
Great performance appraisal! #sponsorshipcometomama

Actually as of now I've progressed on to Blood Bank liao, which is another small step in my career.
Excited to learn new stuff heheheh!

#3
Good news for the BTO exercise.
And for Jh and Bowei too!!

Everyday check email and mailbox hahahahhah.

#4
More awesome experiences with my bffs!
So glad that I have my small yet fulfilling social circle - because I really don't have time for too many people hahahahaha.

It's already so hard to arrange meetups with my #bitchstand!
I'm more than happy to just have a meal, though bwahahah we will ambitious and try for dessert also LOLOL
Eh.. Is this considered legit Happy Meal? :B

Also, looking forward to Korea with my kats!
Bowei Pok and CJ will be tagging along too, teehee I can't wait!!

#5
More time to do manicures.. omg I miss squinting and painting all those tiny details hahahaha.
Even Bimb also bo bian have to sign up for manicure package outside liao, cause I'm never free anymore.

#6
Perform again!
Contemplating to try ballet or jazz this time, but I love Contemp.. #decisionsdecisions
Don't tell me do both la, where got time :x

#7
Better emotional management?
I need to expect lesser of people to not get disappointed.

JGR - Reflections for 2015

I prefer reflections to resolutions, 

because you go through the thought process of what you want to improve, not just achieve.

2015

#1

Another awesome year for travels.

Managed to go for 2 trips in 2015, 

one with Levon to HK - eat and walk and eat and eat - #gluttonsgoHK,

and Taiwan with Levon and Bimb - #radiostand2TW. we're also known as #bitchstand HAHAHA

#2

Graduated on 16th November 2015! 

With my parents and ahma witnessing me going up on stage, 

I can say that this is not only a milestone in 2015, but in my life too.

Cause ahma finally got to see her grandchild graduate.

And I'm sure ahgong will have seen that moment too. ;)

#3

Reached 8 years with Taupok :D

To infinity and beyond !

#4

Family members all okay. I'm grateful.

#5

New job - Medical Technologist at KKH.

Okay, so I didn't manage to get the Crime Scene Specialist job, but I'm also happy with my new workplace.

Working in a lab environment might be boring and monotonous to some, 

however for me, I like it that right now, there's always something new to learn.

For KKH, its also slightly different because we have so much more children than other hospitals,

hence we have to be extra careful when handling specimens, and interpretation is not as straight-forward too.

Its a challenge, but I love it.

And my colleagues are mostly v nice! They're around the same age, and there's no politics - so far.

My greatest fear :x - but okay la even if have I'll just deal with it - 對事不對人

#6

Managed to take time for myself :

80% successful in my attempt to form a water drinking habit. 

Seriously not easy sia, because there's no time for water breaks,

then if you drink water, you need to pee also, where got time for toilet break then?

Went for a total of 3 months exercise ? 

Two months of Sunday Kpop Fitness with Bimb and Jh,

then I also signed up for one month of dance sessions. 

I loveee the Barre Method classes best!

#7

Decided to cut off unhealthy friendships, which included 3 from my clique.

Looking back now, I realised that this was coming sooner or later - the signs were there.

There are just some people who are not worth saving my precious time for, so I shouldn't try anymore.

Initially it was upsetting, but now its just a part of growing up that everyone will go through.

Life is a journey, with many stops - new passengers at every stop, and people who will get off.

I have to cherish the people who are still there, and that's what I will focus on.

2016

#1 

Career wise, I'm hoping to achieve a good performance appraisal,

because it's important for company sponsorship for Masters, hehehe.

#2

More moments to enjoy - more dance sessions, manicures, and time for my loved ones.

Levon is starting shift work next year, hopefully all three of our schedules can still clash for off days!

If not there's always #pratachallenge. Hahahah.

#3

Weeeeee already got 3 trips confirmed - HK with #saibeanpok, Japan (!!!!) with Bimb, and family trip in Dec!

#4

For my loved ones to stay healthy and happy.

#5

2016 will be a defining year for me and ahpok, so I'm hoping everything will turn out for the best.

With my shift work schedule, it is not easy to always have my weekends off for him,

but he's always ever understanding.

Quality time doesn't matter in terms of length, just the moments. (:

How to end a pointless friendship - Just be rude and ununderstanding

FYI: Ununderstanding is an actual word hor.

I'm not someone with many friends, and I lost another two yesterday.
Honestly, I would be lying if I said I wasn't affected.
However, I'm not angry, or sad.

Its more like some kind of liberation and the feeling of being proven right.

The last time I decided to cut off contact with a group of friends was early last year.

I was out of contact with my sec sch mates after graduation, simply because we couldnt connect.
For goodness' sake, the first time we hung out after graduation,
they actually took out their JC textbooks and started comparing chapters.. -.-
So thanks for asking me out, but no thanks.

Then after our 21st celebrations, somehow we started more infrequent meet-ups, usually to sing k.
It was fun, and of course, sometimes they would talk about their uni stuff,
but it's okay cause what's a catch-up for then?
At least no one took out their notes. HAHAH.

So what happened?
I was very pissed when they dismissed my valid reason not to hang out with them.
What's the valid reason? Exams.
They actually were like, aiya nvm what, we also having exams soon, YOLO la!

YOLO your head.
You're studying full time; all your free time after school is still free for revisions.
I'm WORKING full time and studying part-time,
with barely enough sleep and you tell me NEVER MIND, YOLO.

Obviously, these people in the end didn't understand me and my differences.
That's actually how I usually feel about my sec school;
A school which only promoted JC education and anyone out of that is inconsequential.
I thought my friends would be different, but I guess not.
So what for would I still bother saving my precious time for them?

Oh so back to yesterday's.

For a long time I already felt disconnected from them.

Initially it was due to our efforts to plan an outing;
wth every time also need to beg for everyone to reply.
FYI: Did you know that we can tell if you've seen the message? (thank you whatsapp info, HAHAH)
See message liao but skip replying. wtf how rude.

EVERYONE is leading their own lives,
but we bother to make some precious time available because we treasure the friendship.
All I asked for was a reply if they were free.

And what the fuck, sometimes say okay liao can still forget. -.-

Okay never mind, because later on me and bimb decided that we'd just jio them and go ahead even if they're not free.

Then comes the point when I realized that it was a soulless conversation.
We meet up, have dinner, and talk, but it's mostly just me, bimb and von talking to each other.
We'd ask about them, there would be a reply but that's it.

We are all at different stages of life.
The girls are working, the guys are still studying.
Even though we might not be relevant to each other any more, we're still friends, isn't it?

Wait, I guess not. Hahah.

Okay maybe it's just me, (cause I'm the bitch in the group, HAHAH),
but no one would care about what's going on in my life.

I genuinely cared about how they were doing, worried about their issues.
But not once did I feel like I mattered to them.
I felt that I was giving too much, and not getting any.

All this I'm saying goes to Sok and Cliff.
Wayne only partially, cause I've never been especially close with him.

And then you'd probably realize that yeah, these are the people who are attached.
Aiya they have their own other half to care for, why bother with you?

Excuse me, but I can confidently say I balance my friends and bf very well lor.
It's all about if you want to balance your priorities or not.

So yup, till this point I already felt like it was totally pointless hanging out.
It's just a mummer's farce.

Even pok was like, why you don't sound excited when you tell me you meeting your clique anymore?
Sad truth.

So the last straw that broke the camel's back was this:

After dinner, we didn't know where to go.
I knew gone were the days we would find a place to hang out and chit chat till late.
And I actually already overheard Cliff muttering about needing small change for later,
so I figured the guys would probably have plans to meet their other halves.

It has happened before, so I'm not surprised or annoyed at all.
It's actually what I expected them to do.

What I didn't expect was their plain rudeness.

As usual, they walked ahead.
As usual, Bimb asked them where we were headed,
cause we suggested going Honey Creme but there was no confirmation.
And we were walking in that direction so I assumed that that was our destination.

Imagine my anger when they said nonchalantly that they were going off.

LIKE WTF THEN WE FOLLOW YOU FOR WHAT.

Imagine if we didn't ask, and had followed all the way to the MRT entrance wtf.
Playing us for fools meh.
Orchard is so damn crowded, please dont make me walk up and down for nothing pls.

Is it so damn fucking difficult to just tell us you needed to go?
What, you scared I'd criticize you for wanting to meet your girlfriend? (or bf, for all that's worth)
Siao lor, you obviously dont know me - anymore.

So as the bitch that I am, I scolded both of them in the middle of the street.
Smth like "What the fuck you're being damn rude you know anot, want to go off but never say"

HAHAH, actually kinda dramatic if you think about it. :B

But at that moment I was so angry.. because never mind that you dont care about hanging out anymore,
but whaaaaat.. you dont even have the basic courtesy as a human to say that, hey, I gotta go cause I want to meet my gf.

Just simply, you guys have failed even my most lowest expectations.

So we ended up going in opposite directions and I left the clique chat and that's it.
Because there is no point in being friends anymore if you can't respect me.

I dont regret my outburst - Bimb and Von were annoyed as well, but they chose to give them face.
Not for me - I am sick and tired of acting, of being tolerant to people who don't deserve that courtesy.
I am just being truthful, and direct, too bad if you can't accept that.

What's the point of typing all this?
I know they won't see it anyway, and even if they do they wont care.
It's also not a way to justify myself - Bimb's ahma doesnt think I'm wrong HAHAHA #winliaolor.

I guess because I need a reminder to myself that people change, even the people whom you thought you knew very well.

Maybe one day I might happen to fall out with Bimb and Von too - though of course, I hope not,
cause I'd definitely be friendless then. HAHAH.

So moral of the long ass rant:

Nothing is constant, only change is.

And

Expect nothing; you will still be surprised.

JGR 2

Friends are not forever, only memories are.

Actually we reminisce because we miss what was in the past.

Past tense. Past memories.

And the problem is that there are no newly made moments;
that's why all we can do is to think back.

I've come to realise that the cherished friends and family whom I spend a fair part of my limited time with, are the ones who I can still look forward to new happenings.

Let bygones be bygones.

I'm done trying, cause there's much more for me out there.

JGR - Reflections.

2014 has been a great year.

#1
Went on a trip to Korea with my #newsstandgirls !
We've been trying to plan a clique vacation ever since graduation.
Since the guys couldnt make it due to their uni commitments,
we decided to pangseh them and let it be just the four of us.
One of my best trips ever.

#2
In terms of my job, it has been a difficult but fruitful year.
Coping with the ever increasing no. of patients, and the admin issues I have to handle.
It's not been easy but I'm glad I am able to tackle those challenges as they come.
That sense of achievement when I was promoted, makes it all worthwhile.

#3
Me and pok reached the seventh year milestone!
Seven years together with this annoying yet very sweet taupok. :3
I'm happy we're both able to balance our busy schedules together.
Thank you for always giving in to me, reassuring me and listening to my rants.

#4
Grateful that all my family members are well and healthy.

#5
Thankful for all the friendships I've maintained.
With my uber busy work-work-school schedule, its not easy to meet up.
So I'm grateful to those friends who try and make the effort.

#6
Finally finish paying $36,000 worth of school fees by myself.
Yup I funded my own uni education.

For 2015, I hope for even better!

#1
More trips overseas!
Actually going on a short trip to Hong Kong with Levon in a few days' time. heheh.
Still trying to work out a trip with bffs.
And of course, I want to go on a family trip !
Goodness knows how many I've already missed out - thanks ah stupid leave system and school.
But all that is gonna change soon, because..

#2
I'M FINALLY GRADUATING!
After 4 long years of going to Tiong Bahru for lectures and labs, I'm finally done!
Can't wait to don my mortarboard.

#3
AND I'M QUITTING MY JOB!
Although my boss says I have good prospects ahead, I'm still leaving.
I desperately want a change in environment,
because I feel that it's unhealthy to be shouted and screamed at by hungry patients every single day.
Can't imagine taking over my supervisor and getting shit for another 5 years or so.
3 years 7 months is enough, thank you very much.

Crossing my fingers for my dream job: Crime Scene Specialist.
I have until 10th Jan 2015 for the application success notice.. :x

Other plans include actually joining the SPF as an officer, working in a lab without patient contact.
2015 is going to be career-defining.

#4
I want to take time for myself.
The past 4 years have been all about school and work, so I hope to have a better balance.
Especially after the Contours Express evaluation,
which made me realise that I'm neglecting my health, especially the dehydration level.
It was kind of scary, and I don't want to suffer later in life.
So I want to aim to exercise every week, and drink more water! ;x

#5
For my family members to remain healthy and well.
2011 was cruel enough.

JGR 4

Life is never fair, but some people still haven't seemed to realise it.
Everyone is carrying their own burdens and troubles.
Some more than others, some less.
You are never the only one burdened with life.

Some adults are still not mature enough to let go of things which are out of our own hands.
If you're forever thinking the world owes you a living,
no matter where you're located, you will never be content.

If you think you're the only one being overworked,
you're not really thinking for the colleagues who are working with you.
If I wanted to be calculative too, I could have refused all the extra work.
I dont have to come early and stay late everyday, because I'm not even of the same rank.

To actually project your unhappiness all over Facebook, for the rest of the colleagues to see.
I get so annoyed, because it seems like its a fight for pity.
It is already established that Bedok and Tampines are the busiest locations,
So shall we not reiterate the fact again and again?
Bragging about the number of patients everyday will not change the fact.

JGR 3

Had time to chat with mum and I told her how every Wed I had classes at NUH
She paused for awhile and said: "wah like that, you can tahan ma?"

I paused to think about it.

Work - I've got JCI, licensing audits coming up.
Meeting Minutes to be submitted in 3 days' time
I/C going on no pay leave for 3 months.

School - Exam in 3 weeks,
Logbook to finish and report to start on.

Plus the SACB course now - every Wed till Oct.

All this was running through my mind, and I think my expression betrayed me.
My mum shook her head and called me a 大忙人

I know its only less than a year till graduation, in fact, 5 more months to go.
People keep telling me its short, hang in there, etc.
All I can say is, I'm trying.

I still cant help but think if this is still fighting for my future, or torturing myself.

Missing out on countless family trips,
with ahma feeling disappointed every time I say I cant make it.

Its probably the suckiest feeling.

Sometimes its hard to squeeze out time to spend with bf/bffs too.
Hate the feeling of having to book appointments with them one month in advance.
Luckily they're all quite understanding and sometimes spontaneous. hahah.

Oh wells.

Right now, I'm only looking forward to my Korea Trip after exam. :/

Just Generally Ranting : JGR

Feeling really mehhhh right now cause I just received my new module's timetable.
Sucks shit because other than the fact that labs are 10 to 1 AND 2 to 5 on weekend sessions,
I'm going to have to sacrifice 4 Sundays.
Because the other groups have too many Saturday classes for me to take leave for.

Very tired of such a hectic schedule.
Having to juggle work and school is no mean feat.
I've been doing so for 3 years, and even though it's not really too bad,
Sometimes I can't help but feel v frustrated.
Especially when my responsibilities are increasing at work.

Sometimes I really do regret why I didn't manage to score and get into local uni.

Envy those who only know studying is tiring.
Yeah its equally stressful but at least the focus is on only one.

I get people scolding me at work,
then I also get people insinuating that I'm wasting school fees by skipping lectures.

Feel like stuffing my fist into their faces. Zzz.

Sigh.

Okay I know ranting is not gonna help but I'm used to verbalizing my anger.

8 more months.

I don't care what the dress code says,
I'm getting a fucking mortar board to throw in the air during graduation.
I fully deserve it k. 😡