Saturday, March 31, 2012

the hunger games.

the movie everybody is talking about.
which made me and ahpok curious enough to buy tickets. LOL.

its a film adaptation of a trilogy by suzanne collins.
set in a world where the country is split into districts.
each district is different, in terms of their lifestyles and financial status.
which reminds me of the society in 'In Time'. another awesome movie <3

so every year each district, 12 of them in total,
has to send a pair of tributes to take part in a gory tornament.
24 tributes have to kill each other to survive, cause only one victor is allowed.
sort of like gladiators. :x

purpose of it all?
to punish them for staging a rebellion which happened a long time ago.
the govt phrased it in a much nicer way, but we all know its bullshit.
seriously some heavy propaganda going on :x

i wont go into other details, cause i'm against spoilers for people who havent watched :B
i'll just give my comments. heheh.

katniss everdeen is <3 !
she's got this steely resolve, plus she's really brave.
ice queen on the outside but to her loved ones, she doesnt put on that front.
jennifer lawrence as katniss = eye candy throughout the show.
love her eyes and cheekbones heheh.

the kind of manipulation that the capitol guys used is damn evil la.
using human lives as pawns in their games. humanity at its worst and lowest point.

but you'll see some touching scenes as well.
like this death scene, i actually teared,
but uh its cause i went to think of my ahgong;
whether he had gone thru the same thing when he passed away. :/

so overall, it was an awesome movie !
made me wanna read the trilogy liao hahah.
cant wait for the film's sequels too. :D

Wednesday, March 28, 2012

this is really meaningful, and it represents my kind of view about life. (:

everyone is made unique, with their own positives and negatives.
its all about how we interact that makes a difference.
can take it as either complementary, or contrasting.

for me, i think i'm somewhere in the corner of the puzzle. hahah.
i dont have a wide social circle; i know lots of people but only those few are really close to me.
you guys know who you are.
thank you for being part of my life, for making it colorful and exciting. :D

there are some who used to be close, but sadly i drifted from them.
maybe because we started to move away into different worlds.
but hmm, to a certain extent i take that as an excuse,
because i always believe that true care and sincerity can never seperate friends.
its simply a case of insufficient effort.

still, thank you for all the memories we created.

and there are some whom i just cant stand.
hypocrites, backstabbers, childish keyboard warriors LOL.
enough said. haters gonna hate :B

thank god you guys are gone.

Monday, March 26, 2012

those nights in Beijing

Dr Lee brought over a DVD ytd evening.
He converted the videotape of our 1998 overseas trip to Beijing, which remains the furthest place I've been till today.
Fourteen years ago zomg, and I was still a bloody playful monkey. :D

Watching the dvd brought out so many memories.
Iconic moments, some of them I've forgotten cause it was simply too long ago.
Example? Me happily wearing my beanie, then running over to jh and grabbing hers off. LOL!
Told you I was a monkey. :D

And of course, precious shots of my beloved grandparents whom we went with.
Ahgong and ahma :D
They really doted on us a lot.
Like I went to photobomb the both of them when they wanted to take a photo.
At first ahma shooed me away, then she rethought and asked me to come back :3
And when ahgong was eating, I went to mess up his hair (or comb it neater, as it was my excuse then ;p), and he didn't shoo me away or scold. *my privilege hehehe*

And my laopeh. Damn funny, him and his uber thick mop of hair. Jacky Chan LOL.
It's reduced to a neater crew cut now :B
Other than tt, he's still the same, always good-naturedly complaining abt how we shld appreciate his hard earned money. Hahahah.

Not forgetting my aunt and Dr Lee!
Hehehe our dry-parents :B
They really treated us like their own, and we owe a lot to them for teaching us how to behave in public.
Dr Lee was especially strict abt manners :x

As i reminisced abt those times, I also felt this loss inside.
Sort of a happy but hollow feeling.
Cant help but rmb that ahgong is no longer around. :/

Aiya I know I v suay kuan one. but this is just me :x

Thankful that Dr Lee managed to salvage the tape, cause its definitely a part of our precious memories. :B

I wanna go on a family trip soooooon! :D

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Sunday, March 25, 2012

i've been blogging since 2005.
and this means seven years of memories and rants.

started this purely out of fun, cause blogging was like the new thing at that time.
over time it became sort of my habit.
it was super fun to just recall what i did and record it down.
sorta like a virtual time capsule. :D

now, reading through the old posts brings up soooo many memories.
every single shit through secondary school till now.
moments with my loved ones <3
my writing style has definitely changed as well. wtf last time i sounded so childish LOL.
see now so mature. *HAHAHAH bullshitting*

so i've decided to try to blog once a week.
though my life is super boring now.
i believe i can still find a few patients to rant about. :B
at least preserve some memories in case i lose them in an accident. LOL. *touch wood*

Monday, March 19, 2012

mix and mash of song lyrics.
put my music player on random and just picked lines which spoke to me.

quite fun uh the result :B
somehow everything fits.
and this is what i mean by music therapy.

wonder which genius can guess all the songs correctly. HAHAHA.


只因为你总说 Everything will be okay
I'm always online
even if the sky is falling down
even if the present were to be cleaved by the setting sun
our shadows will continue to overlap one another





i'm not afraid of moving on
its how hard it is to make it look so easy
i dont ever let it show

用淚稀釋的往事 漸漸消失

優雅的固執 用我倔強的方式 盡情放肆

你听我说 要好好学着去生活



The echoes fill your soul
They won't say which way to go
Just trust your heart
To find what you're here for
Open another door
But I'm not sure anymore
It's just so hard
i'm sorry i cant be perfect
now its just too late, and we cant go back
i'm sorry i cant be perfect.






you tell me tell me why~
this is not what i intended
if you wanna build up your love, gotta put the hate down
will you be the same as when i saw you last,
tell me how much time has passed



i cant breathe but i still fight while i can fight



Monday, March 05, 2012

one year since my ahgong left us. how time flies.

i remember the day super vividly.
was at clique chalet, watching the sun rise and feeling thankful for such a beautiful morning.
kfc breakfast after and was even planning to go www.

then all shit happened in one phone call.

sometimes i wonder, what if i was at home.
what if i was around to notice tt something was wrong, just like the first time?
why wasnt i able to make it back home in time?
should i have protested more strongly against the decision for him to undergo chemo?

all these questions, left unanswered and forever a mystery.

a regret that i will forever carry, not being by my ahgong's side for the last time.

its so unfair.
from the beginning, i've tried my best to stay near him.
hospital, home, at his every appointment.
why is it tt the moment i am away, he leaves?

and it came so suddenly i didnt even know how to react.
i just kneeled there like a dumbshit, saying sorry repeatedly.
but he was already gone..

its just unfair.

i wasnt upset tt he had passed on.
i was heartbroken because he went on without us being there.
in fact i had even tried to visualise his passing. morbid i know.
but in my dreams i wanted him to leave with all of us by his side.
we would cry, wail, but he would have a chance to see all of us for the last time.

dreams are fake.

and again, life is unfair.

now i look at our photo together, and i remember tt he is still looking over us.
so i have no choice but to cheer up and stay strong.

because ahgong didnt choose to leave, but he had to.
he left with the dignity tt he had, no pain no suffering in the last moments.
he left remembering our smiles, not the tears.
he may not be physically present anymore, but he's always in our hearts.

this is what i tell myself whenever i face those questions.

one year might have seemed sufficient to forget, but everyone is still quietly grieving.
its like a wound, getting better but the scar is still there.
there's this hollow feeling sometimes. like a black hole, an abyss.
when i'm with my family, it feels much better.
reminiscing and visiting him and sometimes crying does help to ease the pain too.

whats the most potent cure though?
i look at ahma. and remind myself tt its now my responsibility to take care of her.
we lost our grandfather, but she's lost her lifelong partner, her pillar of support.
he was much much more to her, and her pain is defintely immeasurable compared to us.

so i morph into this super granddaughter mode and just smile and smile (:

and it helps that i have a super awesome circle of friends who always have my back.
my boyfriend and best friends are people that i cannot live without.
lending me their ears/shoulder, niamming, encouraging, comforting, cheering me up.
these are the little things that helped me through tough times.

so ahgong, i want you to know that i'm fine.
i know you're still here for us, watching us.
i'm still sad, but not living in regret.
still missing you, but i'll stay strong for you.

just like i always have. (:
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