life after death

i think.. ahma might be suffering from mild depression.

a lot of times she's thinking of ahgong and crying.

and other times she has the misconception that everyone deems her as useless.

the truth is, i doubt even she knows what she really wants.

on weekdays, i make it a point to go back every evening after work.

sometimes she complains tt no one bothers to go back for dinner anymore.

only leave her at home to take care of baby wayne and do housework.

she likens herself to a maid. ):

she feels that without ahgong, she has no status and no importance already.

its not true.

my aunts would sometimes buy lunch back for her.

they have tried to call ahma to chit chat, but they always get scolded for nothing.

i think, to the point tt they are too sian to call alr.

making it worse was seeing her cry last weekend.

sunday has traditionally been our family day, everyone would come back for dinner.

so that day everyone was watching tv, playing with the kids. just like normal.

ahma was sitting near me.

she stared off into space, wiping her eyes as though i didnt see the tears.

she then began to open a cupboard near her, as if she was searching/tidying it.

when i asked her what she was looking for, she simply shook her head.

so even when the whole family is around,

ahma is still feeling the emptiness inside.

her behaviour is seriously making me v v v worried.

but i dont know what to do.

except to talk to her more, i have no idea at all.

someone help me? ):

actually it makes me wonder, how to people ever cope with death?

its such a permanent loss.

yes in spirit he/she is always with us.

but its also different.

i know that i definitely havent made a 100% recovery yet.

i cry occasionally, i feel this emptiness inside.

its really impossible to heal a gaping hole. is it?

i've wondered many times, what would happen if i died.

who would grieve, who would cry.

such a morbid thought. hahahah.

yet another emo post. sigh.

sometimes i really dont like to think about such things but it just pops into my mind. :/