下雨天了怎么办，我好想你

such a rainy, grey evening.
and some thoughts made my day additionally gloomy.
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it was such a simple conversation between my colleagues.
adele was talking about how her daughter loves fish porridge.

and i thought of my ahgong.

he disliked fish porridge, especially after he fell sick and his taste changed.
due to the tumor pressing against one of the vocal nerves, he also couldnt speak.
ahma didnt realise it yet; she thought fish porridge would be good for him.
and who can blame her?
she has to undertake the mental and physical stress of taking care of her frail husband.
its not easy at all.

ahgong couldnt finish it almost all the time.
one bowl was all he could take. and sometimes less than that.
ahma was so upset whenever he started shaking his head, indicating he had enough.
she felt so helpless, cause he barely ate anything.

i happened to be feeding him one day, on a monday.
i remember because the market is usually closed and there was no fish.
so he had carrot and potato porridge.

i thought of this brilliant idea to place smaller amounts into a bowl.
and you know, if he saw that he could finish "one" bowl,
he'd be encouraged to eat more.

and ahgong did. (:

i kaypoh asked him if he liked the porridge; he nodded.
then i asked him if he preferred fish or this kind.
hahah, i can still recall his face when he heard fish porridge. 皱眉头 ttm!

from then on, ahma never tried to make him eat fish porridge alr. :B

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i went back to sgh last wednesday.
flooded by a torrent of memories, as usual.

seeing NCC, at first i felt really upset.
its not a good place to have to walk into.

but i recalled, how ahgong took my intern pass and clipped it to his shirt.
how he asked his oncologist if he wanted to join us for bak kut teh.
how he loves to drink the starfruit juice there.
how he found it really silly to go there for a 10 minute radiotherapy every day for 3 weeks.
seriously! he goes in there, takes out his shirt, 5 minutes later can go home liao. hahah.
i can never forget the shocked expression he gave when we said he could go home. :D

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its been almost two years since ahgong has left.
yet small details can still trigger off a string of memories.

we lose our loved ones and we learn to accept and move on.
but we never forget. ever.