I'm not someone with many friends, and I lost another two yesterday.
Honestly, I would be lying if I said I wasn't affected.
However, I'm not angry, or sad.
Its more like some kind of liberation and the feeling of being proven right.
The last time I decided to cut off contact with a group of friends was early last year.
I was out of contact with my sec sch mates after graduation, simply because we couldnt connect.
For goodness' sake, the first time we hung out after graduation,
they actually took out their JC textbooks and started comparing chapters.. -.-
So thanks for asking me out, but no thanks.
Then after our 21st celebrations, somehow we started more infrequent meet-ups, usually to sing k.
It was fun, and of course, sometimes they would talk about their uni stuff,
but it's okay cause what's a catch-up for then?
At least no one took out their notes. HAHAH.
So what happened?
I was very pissed when they dismissed my valid reason not to hang out with them.
What's the valid reason? Exams.
They actually were like, aiya nvm what, we also having exams soon, YOLO la!
YOLO your head.
You're studying full time; all your free time after school is still free for revisions.
I'm WORKING full time and studying part-time,
with barely enough sleep and you tell me NEVER MIND, YOLO.
Obviously, these people in the end didn't understand me and my differences.
That's actually how I usually feel about my sec school;
A school which only promoted JC education and anyone out of that is inconsequential.
I thought my friends would be different, but I guess not.
So what for would I still bother saving my precious time for them?
Oh so back to yesterday's.
For a long time I already felt disconnected from them.
Initially it was due to our efforts to plan an outing;
wth every time also need to beg for everyone to reply.
FYI: Did you know that we can tell if you've seen the message? (thank you whatsapp info, HAHAH)
See message liao but skip replying. wtf how rude.
EVERYONE is leading their own lives,
but we bother to make some precious time available because we treasure the friendship.
All I asked for was a reply if they were free.
And what the fuck, sometimes say okay liao can still forget. -.-
Okay never mind, because later on me and bimb decided that we'd just jio them and go ahead even if they're not free.
Then comes the point when I realized that it was a soulless conversation.
We meet up, have dinner, and talk, but it's mostly just me, bimb and von talking to each other.
We'd ask about them, there would be a reply but that's it.
We are all at different stages of life.
The girls are working, the guys are still studying.
Even though we might not be relevant to each other any more, we're still friends, isn't it?
Wait, I guess not. Hahah.
Okay maybe it's just me, (cause I'm the bitch in the group, HAHAH),
but no one would care about what's going on in my life.
I genuinely cared about how they were doing, worried about their issues.
But not once did I feel like I mattered to them.
I felt that I was giving too much, and not getting any.
All this I'm saying goes to Sok and Cliff.
Wayne only partially, cause I've never been especially close with him.
And then you'd probably realize that yeah, these are the people who are attached.
Aiya they have their own other half to care for, why bother with you?
Excuse me, but I can confidently say I balance my friends and bf very well lor.
It's all about if you want to balance your priorities or not.
So yup, till this point I already felt like it was totally pointless hanging out.
It's just a mummer's farce.
Even pok was like, why you don't sound excited when you tell me you meeting your clique anymore?
Sad truth.
So the last straw that broke the camel's back was this:
After dinner, we didn't know where to go.
I knew gone were the days we would find a place to hang out and chit chat till late.
And I actually already overheard Cliff muttering about needing small change for later,
so I figured the guys would probably have plans to meet their other halves.
It has happened before, so I'm not surprised or annoyed at all.
It's actually what I expected them to do.
What I didn't expect was their plain rudeness.
As usual, they walked ahead.
As usual, Bimb asked them where we were headed,
cause we suggested going Honey Creme but there was no confirmation.
And we were walking in that direction so I assumed that that was our destination.
Imagine my anger when they said nonchalantly that they were going off.
LIKE WTF THEN WE FOLLOW YOU FOR WHAT.
Imagine if we didn't ask, and had followed all the way to the MRT entrance wtf.
Playing us for fools meh.
Orchard is so damn crowded, please dont make me walk up and down for nothing pls.
Is it so damn fucking difficult to just tell us you needed to go?
What, you scared I'd criticize you for wanting to meet your girlfriend? (or bf, for all that's worth)
Siao lor, you obviously dont know me - anymore.
So as the bitch that I am, I scolded both of them in the middle of the street.
Smth like "What the fuck you're being damn rude you know anot, want to go off but never say"
HAHAH, actually kinda dramatic if you think about it. :B
But at that moment I was so angry.. because never mind that you dont care about hanging out anymore,
but whaaaaat.. you dont even have the basic courtesy as a human to say that, hey, I gotta go cause I want to meet my gf.
Just simply, you guys have failed even my most lowest expectations.
So we ended up going in opposite directions and I left the clique chat and that's it.
Because there is no point in being friends anymore if you can't respect me.
I dont regret my outburst - Bimb and Von were annoyed as well, but they chose to give them face.
Not for me - I am sick and tired of acting, of being tolerant to people who don't deserve that courtesy.
I am just being truthful, and direct, too bad if you can't accept that.
What's the point of typing all this?
I know they won't see it anyway, and even if they do they wont care.
It's also not a way to justify myself - Bimb's ahma doesnt think I'm wrong HAHAHA #winliaolor.
I guess because I need a reminder to myself that people change, even the people whom you thought you knew very well.
Maybe one day I might happen to fall out with Bimb and Von too - though of course, I hope not,
cause I'd definitely be friendless then. HAHAH.
So moral of the long ass rant:
Nothing is constant, only change is.
And
Expect nothing; you will still be surprised.
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