thank you the tinsel rack !

mentioned ytd tt i won an fb like and share competition organized by TTR.
nowadays blogshops love to organise such things to promote their sales,
and actually i think its a good idea sia. you shld see my timeline, always flooded. LOL.

anyway this time was a random thing, cause i didnt even hope to win !
maybe i should have bought 4D ytd also, since my luck was so good ahahah. :B

so because i'm in such a good mood and feeling v grateful,
shall dedicate this post to TTR, as thanks for letting me win something. x)

the tinsel rack has become my favourite blogshop, out of the many i subscribe to.
their clothes always seems so comfortable and best of all, comes in many color choices !
i love clothes which makes me feel happy to be in. heheh.

so most of the time i end up getting tempted by their collections.
like seriously tempted, until i bug my bestf and bf and mom for their opinion on if i should buy.
their prices are totally worth for the quality la,
its just that i'm a very broke supporter :x

and i love love their customer service. always very efficient and friendly !
i rmb i had to delay payment once cause the atm couldnt issue receipts and i didnt have ibanking yet.
they were understanding about it and didnt blacklist me *touched*

just look at their formspring, always gotta entertain questions by customers, sometimes repeated ones.
and some rude people who love to criticise or make sarcastic remarks about everything.
its definitely not easy to handle such irritants, but they managed it well, so kudos!

not to mention the crazy timing they always stay up till to complete invoicing !
if i didnt rmb wrongly the latest (or earliest) ever was 5 plus AM IN THE MORNING WTF.
just to ensure that their treasured customers are able to see the sacred invoice once they wake up.
this is indeed very touching and worthy of applause ;)

most of the time i'm corresponding most with Joyce, ttr's boss/head minion.
she runs ttr with her younger sister Jolene, and i think they've done an amazing job. (Y)
me and jh have been talking abt opening our own for 2 years and nothing's happened yet. HAHAH.

i've been reading Joyce's blog, initially to sneak peek upcoming items.
but now its more like reading a friend's blog. (:
most people get the impression blogshop owners have super relaxing lifestyles.
machiam taitais, only eat shop drink and wait for money to roll in.
but read Joyce's blog and you realise that there really is hard work involved also.
so you really have to admire them for their efforts. :D

to show my love i'm gonna list out some items i was tempted with, and those i bought.
its a good walk down memory lane,
and Joyce & Jolene, if you're reading this. please feel proud of what TTR has managed to achieve!

endless temptations and loads of happy clothes for a very satisfied customer.
and i'm sure i'm not the only one. :D

my history with ttr began with the 32th collection !
chanced upon their site and i fell in love with the castles in the air chiffon kaftan top, muted indigo.

too bad it was already out of stock.
but i loved their site layout and their previous collections,
so i subscribed to their mailing list. (:

first purchase was from the 36th collection, front cascade high waist shorts in grey.

love love the comfortable and smooth material and the unique cascading detail.
at the moment i cant fit into it anymore cause i've lost weight, damn. probably gonna go alter it :B

collection 40, crusader's boyfriend blazer in classique cream with mint lining
a temptation that didnt translate into practicality.
didnt think the cream color was gonna stay pure for long, HAHAH.
but i love the contrast sleeves.


collection 41, wreath of joy tunic in berry pink.
i loved the floaty chiffon material and the cheery color.
but xmas period is not the time for me to buy clothes! too broke from gift hunting.


LOVE TOGA TOPS.
collection 43, angel sleeves toga in pure white/daffodil yellow
missed it, regretting now :(

 

can i emphasize on my love for colors? :D
collection 44's sunshine avenue dress in periwinkle purple and kelly green.
wasnt into wearing dresses at the time so i didnt get it.
like no reason to wear dress for lec/tut leh. HAHAH.

 

collection 51's urban legend high waist jeans in dark denim
ordered mine via restocks.
took me super long to decide on buying cause i was hesitant abt high waist jeans.
scared it'll make me took weird; i have a short torso-long legs body proportion. :x
but this pair disminished my fears :D

matched it with collection 56's lets play reversi tunic in orange/nude
ordered that via backorders.
the color turned out brighter than the original batch, but i loved it!
 

was tempted by collection 52's glow in the neon dress in fluro orange/blazing blue,
i love their bold use of colors! and the square sleeves.
but was too broke so gave it a miss.
 

collection 54, summer love high waist shorts in white. jh bought the same in dark denim.
     

while they were at collection 5x, ttr got a physical rack at KissJane Bugis. *pops champagne*
another place for me to visit besides bugis street, heheh.
everytime i enter KJ the first rack i'll go to is TTR. cause its nearest to the entrance LOLOL.
see, placed there for supporter's convenience :B

collection 62, tinkle bell's top in electric blue!
one of my top favorites. wanted it when i saw Joyce's preview on her blog.
the color + the pixie hem was loveeeee.
but when i tried it on at KJ, the cutting wasnt v flattering. so byebye. ):
nvm la, see it on their pretty models dx and mel can liao. #optimistic

   

time traveller's dress in ash blue from the same collection was also another temptation,
but i didnt get invoiced :x



collection 65, dancing with rainbows culottes in kelly green/electric blue
omg i actually loved all the colors, went keesiao hahahah.
didnt get cause i started working and dress code was pants.
but i managed to psycho pearlyn to buy the electric blue at KJ. #borrow.
 

collection 76: its raining colors was not very temptation filled, in terms of clothes.
but i liked their photoshoot a lot! never knew how rainy days could become so happy.
very cute concept, i like.

 

collection 77, fairylights fishtail skirt in tiffany mint. one of TTR's successful series.
this is the collection which got me a really big headache/heartbreak.
loved the skirt so so so much. favourite !!
but due to considerations over length and practicality i decided not to get it.
later on when restocks came i decided to buy, since i was still lusting over the piece.
AND i forgot to include sizing in the comment.
AND there werent any more backorders for mint!! *fainted*

so i ended up getting the navy one.
mad love the material, its sooooo comfortable.
and in the end it doesnt make me look short. :B

and i heard there's a version three coming out !! #excited ttm




collection 78: wonderland. SUPER CUTE CONCEPT.
the descriptions were so cute la! all fairytale based cause the shoot was done at USS.

"Once upon a time, an evil cackling witch turned the Prince into a frog with a thousand year old spell. In order to save the Prince, the Princess had to give the frog a kiss before the clock strikes 12. She went to the pond and gave the frog a loving kiss, but no Prince appeared. The Fairy God Mother appeared and told the Princess, "My dear, the witch didn't tell you this: That you have to be wearing something happy when you kiss the Prince." The Princess pondered over it for a long time, and just 5 minutes before 12, she told the Fairy God Mother to give her a top full of happy looking polka dots. The Prince turned back into his human form and he lived happily ever after with the Princess."

100 points for creativity. :D

collection 85's tree fairy toga in periwinkle
one of my favourites <3 its a toga. its one of my favourite colors. wtf i want.
mad love this one, but i didnt get invoiced !
and no backorders cause its festive season. emo emo emo.
hopefully similar pieces are in the planning. #optimistic



collection 94's all i wish for cardi blazer in wine red.
FAVOURITE BLAZER of the moment !
ordered this via backorder after much thinking. no regrets!
so damn comfortable and lightweight. slouchy too, so its not too formal.
exactly what i'm looking for please!

  

so tonight will be their 102th collection. huat huat huat!

in my opinion, TTR has done a great job.
they've kept up to date with current trends, and also have their own style.
prices are also kept pocket-friendly, yay for me :B
their quality really is superb. worth every cent. (Y)

in short, love love TTR <3
and thank you for reading this lengthy post. :D

a day to be thankful for.

happy vesak day !
an awesome and fulfilling day on the whole.

so its the first time in 6(?) years that i'm able to spend vesak day relaxing.
cause for the past few years its always been helping out at my parents' chai peng stall.
no complains, but its just a change (:

on this happy saturday, when i FINALLY HAVE A SAT OFF YAY NO WORK,
we decided to go pulau ubin!
levon found this online deal on streetdeal.sg which offers a package for ubin.
cycling + kayaking/snorkeling + free lunch + fish spa at 20 bucks per pax.

6 of us (the girls and ahpok & cs) happily signed up.
who knows we dio scammed, 上了贼船 !

firstly, we went there only to be informed that snorkeling is currently not available.
such a disappointment cause i was kinda looking forward to try it. :/

secondly, the service was super lousy.
you get the impression that the staff doesnt bother about you and feel irritated that you're there -.-

thirdly. lobster spaghetti is like tiger prawn. HAHAHAH.

fourth. the kayak me and ahpok shared nearly capsized !
i have no idea if its my bf's problem or the kayak. maybe both HAHAHAH.
BUT SCARY LA, KEEP SINKING TOWARDS THE END.
i totally dont wanna land headfirst into the dirty looking water please.
some more with the huge fish inside. they look like flat piranhas!

speaking of fish, had our first try at fish spa!
i've been wanting to try this ever since it came out heheh.
the doctor fishes (Garra rufa) slough off the dead skin cells on your feet when you dip em into the pool.
super ticklish sensation, omg we laughed and screamed like shit at first.
then you learn how to tahan and keep calm.
end up it feels quite shiok eh ! and idk but i feel like my legs are smoother HAHAH.

but on a side note i doubt i will dare to try anymore.
cause after i tried to research on these fishes (sok was asking what are they),
i realised tt this type of 'spa' has been banned in some parts of the US due to sanitary concerns.
and UK issued a warning about the spread of blood borne diseases if infected patients bleed into the water.
#scared die #first and last try

cycling. hmm that was both fun and scary too.
ubin is legendary for cycling (and the accidents), so i guess i was abit apprehensive.
prepared alcohol swabs and plasters, levon even more higher level,
she brought chlorohexidine and betadine too, hahahah.
ended up both of us got injured, LOL ! heng only minor scrapes.

*i zoomed down a slope, wtf got difficulty with back brake and couldnt stop in time.
cannot jam front brake some more cause i'll definitely fly. like superman.
heng cs and pok, who alr reached the bottom, stopped my impending doom.
cs pushed his bike forward to cause a 'collision' and break the speed
then pok tried to haul me out of the mess.
maybe cause i was prepared to crash, but i didnt cut myself as badly as the previous time.
this one was right knee slight scrape, right big toe area scrape,
left third toe and left index finger slight sprained feeling. but on the whole, still fine. :B
( previous one required stitches and couldnt stop bleeding :x )

but nevertheless,
I ENJOYED THE DAY AT UBIN. cause i spent it with some of the people i love most <3

and the day/night continued to get better.
because i reached home, logged on to facebook and saw tt i won an fb like and share contest!
organized by my favourite blogshop, the tinsel rack
been supporting them for awhile now, since october 2010. bloody long eh !

gonna do a short appreciation post to show my love for them laterrrr.
because they really are my favourite. :D

AND BEST OF ALL.
i think i finally got the confirmation i wanted.

kept this secret for some time now, but i told my mom about pok alr.
actually jh leaked it out when confronted, and she didnt get mad or upset or what !
in fact she was like, I KNEW IT, I KNEW SOMETHING WAS UP.
and then i couldnt deny it (duh), so out came the secret.

so somewhere around march when my dad went genting,
my mom got ahpok to come over for lunch.
and gave me the nod of approval.
HAPPY SHIT ME

but she also warned me not to convert, and tt she intends to tell my dad soon.

and one month later, april, my mom threw the bomb at my dad.
WHICH DIDNT DETONATE. SURPRISINGLY.
wtf i was panicking when jh told me tt he knows.
i even asked her if she wanted to move over t ahma's hse temporarily,
cause i was scared tt he might blame her for keeping such a hugeass secret
turns out to be an unnecessary worry ._.

damn, he didnt throw me out like i initially feared.
he didnt even ignore me, just treated me like normal.
#anti-climax

and today when i officially announced it,
wtf he was even smiling and joking.
HAPPY SHIT ME X 10000.

cant believe that i spent so many years in irrational(?) fear.
all along our plan was to establish ourselves as independent individuals before we told our parents.
this meant finishing our education and establishing our careers,
which we estimated to be 7 years or more.
and in that sense, it would be easier to convince them that there wasnt any problem with interracial r/s.

damn long i know but we were so sure and willing to wait. (:

and i have been craving for this acceptance.
looking at my sister and best friends, i sometimes get this pang of jealousy.
in a sense that, they're able to be accepted by their family. that they dont have to hide or feel guilty.
i wanted to be able to tell my mom any shit abt my bf, but i couldnt. until now at least :D

so today, i'm really very thankful that i finally have the green light from my parents.
thank you mom and dad, for respecting my choice. <3

FOUR YEARS AND FIVE MONTHS I'VE BEEN WAITING FOR THIS MOMENT.
*pops champagne*

but please dont expect to receive any red invites yet cause ahpok still has to finish his diploma. HAHA.

HOTA

finally received the letter from HOTA.
and I was ready to fill in the yellow form to opt in for MTERA when my mum stopped me.

*just as background info:
- once you hit 21 you're automatically under HOTA, which states tt in the event of brain death, your organs, namely the kidney, liver, heart and cornea, will be harvested and donated.
- MTERA is an optional scheme where you can choose to donate more parts e.g. lung, bones, skin, etc, for medical/treatment or research purposes.
- brain death is different from cardiac death, and there are lots of criteria which you have to fulfil before you are eligible for organ donation.

short rant about the criteria:
WTF ITS SO HARD TO QUALIFY.
must die in hospital, must be brain death.
the only situation where i can think of,
is if someone clobbers me on the head hard enough to make me suffer brain injury.
not as if i want anyone to try la, but its slightly sickening to know that i might not be of help :/


and to be honest, brain death is really a hard fact for people to accept.
cause the person still seems 'alive and breathing', 
as the life support machine is still ensuring that circulation and respiration is continued.
but there will never be any chance of waking up. NEVER.


it takes great strength to switch off the machine, and even more so to allow transplant after that.

so my mom was like, panicking when she heard i was considering donating my organs after death.
literally begged me not to do it, cause she said losing me would be hard enough. :/
actually i hesitated abit after hearing her pleading. for few seconds.
but then i thought of all those people i could potentially help, so yeah sorry mum. not gonna opt out.

and she damn cute, take away the booklet cause she thought she could prevent me from joining the scheme.

actually had discussed this issue over dinner before. with relatives my mum's side.
dont know why we were talking about such a morbid topic though. :B
their points were similar;
about how difficult it would be for the family members to accept, and how the deceased would feel, etc.
because being the religious sort, they believed that the soul would still be present in the body for a period of time after death, and hence any sort of operation would cause the deceased to 'feel' pain.

but.. i'm already dead. keeping my organs with me to the grave would be like bringing my atm card along.
rather than waste it by incineration, why not donate it to the people who need it desperately?
sure i 'might' feel pain, slicing through my skin and fats (wtf),
but what is pain compared to the patients?
they have been waiting for a miracle to happen, and since i can help, i will.

i voiced out my opinion, and the whole table went silent and stared at me LOL. *paiseh*
really, i'm not trying to be brave or 伟大 but its really just how i feel.
i know how important organ donation can be, and how one can change lives.

take my own boyfriend's dad for an example.

he was diagnosed with kidney failure 15 years ago,
and he received a transplant only 3 years back.
thats close to 12 years of weekly dialysis treatments tt he had to go through.
imagine, having to be poked by a thick needle every week for 12 freaking years.


this is a picture of an arterioventricular fistula.
renal failure patients may go through a surgical procedure to create a link between the vein and artery to allow easier blood flow during dialysis.

and if you think its nothing much..



this is how it will look like in the long run.

i first saw a arteriovenous fistula when i was at work.
as the patient rolled up his sleeve for me to take blood, i felt a deep pang of sadness for him.
to think of the pain he had to go through was.. unimaginable.

some other patients i experienced later even had them on BOTH ARMS.
some larger than the photo either, and sometimes you could even see it throbbing, pulsating.

i actually asked some patients if it hurts.
most of them told me. 我习惯了/ i'm used to it already.

... so heartbreaking.
imagine being used to PAIN.

and by some twist of fate i had the honour of poking ahpok's dad himself, LOL.
first patient of the day some more. hahah.

anyway, i realised i digressed a bit, but my main point is,
with the transplant, he never has to worry about the one day where his veins may collapse
and they have to find a different place to poke the needle in.
he can now do without the weekly visits to the dialysis centre, which affected his work,
as well as ahpok's mum who has to accompany him for each visit,
cause dialysis usually leaves the patient feeling weak.
and most important of all, he regained his freedom;
never will he need to depend on a mechanical kidney again.

Organ transplant definitely gives hope to not only the patients, but their family as well.

sure, there might be risks of rejection, which makes the effort goes to nought.
but i believe that if you never try, you may never know what impact you could make.

take it as the last good deed i do before i leave. (:

*and really. if in the event any shit happens to me, (CHOY)
please show this to my parents so they'll understand my wishes.

school > work

feeling really unproductive today,
except for the achievement of getting past slope on circuit 3 times, no stalling. :D

was random clicking on my blog archives.
and i realised that in any of the months before graduation, my life was much more interesting.
like damn, now then i get the full impact of 'school is better than work'.

the list of many retarded but fun happenings, really miss it la.
even SIP was much more fun sia. totally not like now.
you just feel like clockwork, and super stagnant.
and its sorta depressing.

now the best part of every day is after 4.30pm. wtf. _l_

musings

林俊杰 - Love U U


Love U U 我像孤独的渔夫 说不出爱的温度
很想给你幸福 你却自我保护
转弯处 只剩下潮汐之外的荒芜

Love U U
我在海里迷了路 找不出新的归宿
思念越尝越苦 心跳乱了脚步
怎么我读不懂你唇语之间的无助

就算用尽所有真心 却到不了你的心底
回忆难以靠近 你是我奢求的唯一
让我用尽所有力气 只要你相信
我最坚持的声音 只剩一句 Love U U, stay with me.
能不能别这样放弃 能不能就放开自己
海浪穿透我的伤心 请听一听爱的声音

就算用尽所有真心 却到不了你的心底
回忆难以靠近 你是我奢求的唯一
让我用尽所有力气 只要你相信
我最坚持的声音 只剩一句 Love U U, stay with me.


one of my favourite songs from my favourite singer's new album. 
its also one of the songs which i really feel the depth of emotion weaved in the lyrics.
heartrending.


relationships. never straightforward and never easy.

the color of your stupid collar.

so i read today's TNP article about how women reject guys who are of lower job status.

and i found it fucking ridiculous, pissed me enough to make me rant here.

blue-collar vs white-collar.

while whites are usually using their brains, blues usually work with their skills.

both categories of jobs are important and significant to the society.

both types make an honest living.

so what's with the discrimination?

just based on the salary and the fucking uni certificate?

it doesnt determine the kind of morals a person has what.

neither does it reflect on the character of a person.

these two are the qualities which determines the value of a human, not the superficial things.

no one cannot gurantee that they are perfect,

even though they supposedly had the 'higher' level of education.

sometimes i think its bullshit.

you know how to study but no morals, wtf for?

become a bastard who backstabs and twists words with your glib silver tongue?

just on friday afternoon at mac.

me and pok overheard this two TKGS students talking about elitism in singapore.

one was complaining abt the affiliation system in the RGS/RI schools.

she was ranting about how they can only study, no need study also auto go in.

even aggregate 200 also can enter the school.

which is fucking not true.

i believe there is a different sort of stress in those schools,

such that their students are always able to score really well and get into the affilate.

simply because it is expected for them to be able to go in.

its like a natural route of progression to them.

those who cant simply will have to bow away from the rafflesian spotlight.

because there is no way they will allow students with lower calibre to enter.

thats the saddening truth.

at that point of time, i could really smell the serious stench of sour grapes from her.

other than affliation system, she was also ranting about how these people will succeed in life,

simply because they were educated there.

are you dumb? they study super hard to keep up with standards, thats why they have the drive!

and that being said, if they were only book smart and not street smart.

they wouldnt survive in the real world either.

felt like telling her, eh bitch, with an attitude like yours,

even if you made it to cambridge you'd get stoned to death cause you're such a retard.

assuming so much that you dont know abt and snobbing them like you dont wanna be part of it.

but shit man, you do, cause the way you scold them is so tinged with vinegar.

i dont believe in the school affecting you, at least not to a large extent.

its the attitude you embody.

i come from really good pri/sec schools and look at where i am sia.

compared to some of my friends (you guys know who you are :D),

if i were to be affected by how far am i from the 'ideal' route,

i should have committed suicide by now.

instead i'm happy with the route i've chosen,

cause its brought me experiences education can never give me.

oh and i realised i deviated quite abit. LOL.

anyway the whole point of my tirade is: fight for what you deem it worth. *spartan roar*

at least the blues would better understand what is the meaning of hardship.

know how to strive for whatever they lack, instead of expecting it to come to them.

sometimes i feel people have high expectations, but no ability to work hard to achieve it.

dont understand what these shallow people aim for.

maybe thats why there are an increasing number of women left on the shelf.

too calculative, too selfish. set super high standards alr.

they nvr reflect on themselves, see if they are actually worth it anot.

and come on la. 21st century liao, dont you guys believe in feminism?

carve out a career for yourself instead of dreaming of becoming taitais la !

like damn, why depend on the guy sia.

really, look on the inside rather than the outside.

its much much more worth it. (:

what if and if nots.

skipped lecture today to go mitju warehouse sales with bimb and levon !

ended up not buying anything cause nothing practical caught my eye,

and i was nearing my spending limit already.

i blame my favourite blogshop thetinselrack for tempting me :B

but okay la its always awesome to be able to meet up with bffs even if its for awhile. :D

caught the vow with taupok and bimb later on.

i was quite hyped about the movie but it fell short of my expectations.

touching yes, but the ending seemed slightly sloppy. D:

but it provided an interesting debate between me and taupok. hahah.

so..

what would you do if you lost all memory of the people you love?

what would you do if the person you love lost his/her memories of you?

what would you do to regain back these memories?

would you choose to hold on or give up?

would you prefer to forget, or be forgotten?

memories are what shapes us, we are who we are now because of events.

without them we would be nothing.

cause we wouldnt know how to treasure if we had never lost.

we wouldnt know how to love if we had never been loved before.

we wouldnt know happiness before we understood tears.

essentially, we would die without memories.

no impression of who, what, where, when, how. not even of ourselves.

the mind would be like an empty shell, with no sense of purpose. ):

i hope this never happens to me *touchwood*

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

trust is like a mirror.

once it is broken, it can never be the same.

even if you attempt to fix it, the cracks will forever be there.

life after death

i think.. ahma might be suffering from mild depression.

a lot of times she's thinking of ahgong and crying.

and other times she has the misconception that everyone deems her as useless.

the truth is, i doubt even she knows what she really wants.

on weekdays, i make it a point to go back every evening after work.

sometimes she complains tt no one bothers to go back for dinner anymore.

only leave her at home to take care of baby wayne and do housework.

she likens herself to a maid. ):

she feels that without ahgong, she has no status and no importance already.

its not true.

my aunts would sometimes buy lunch back for her.

they have tried to call ahma to chit chat, but they always get scolded for nothing.

i think, to the point tt they are too sian to call alr.

making it worse was seeing her cry last weekend.

sunday has traditionally been our family day, everyone would come back for dinner.

so that day everyone was watching tv, playing with the kids. just like normal.

ahma was sitting near me.

she stared off into space, wiping her eyes as though i didnt see the tears.

she then began to open a cupboard near her, as if she was searching/tidying it.

when i asked her what she was looking for, she simply shook her head.

so even when the whole family is around,

ahma is still feeling the emptiness inside.

her behaviour is seriously making me v v v worried.

but i dont know what to do.

except to talk to her more, i have no idea at all.

someone help me? ):

actually it makes me wonder, how to people ever cope with death?

its such a permanent loss.

yes in spirit he/she is always with us.

but its also different.

i know that i definitely havent made a 100% recovery yet.

i cry occasionally, i feel this emptiness inside.

its really impossible to heal a gaping hole. is it?

i've wondered many times, what would happen if i died.

who would grieve, who would cry.

such a morbid thought. hahahah.

yet another emo post. sigh.

sometimes i really dont like to think about such things but it just pops into my mind. :/

religion and respect.

i got really pissed off after seeing this tweet from a friend.

he has been tweeting religious stuff,

which i am actually fine with cause i believe in freedom of speech.

however this really was uncalled for.

this is what he tweeted: "To be human is to be Muslim"

so i asked him, "so are non-muslims inhuman? wtf?"

and this, is his reply:

"i dont mean it in that way. There's a deeper meaning to it. hope u dun take it the wrong way. Anyway i've removed it. just chill nxt time. Dun have to go "wtf" at me. Hav a nice day."

i believe i could have said a thousand more insulting things than just a wtf.

his attitude drives me freaking mad. sooooo self-righteous.

he smokes.

once we went out tgt, the bill was wrongly calculated.

and he wanted to us to pretend that we never saw the error, just take it as a discount. -.-

as a human, he is already a fail.

lets not factor in the fact that he is a muslim shall we.

if there is a deeper meaning, kindly educate us ignorant fools then.

if you thought you were perfectly right you didnt need to remove the tweet.

and if you didnt want to be mistaken, maybe you should think twice before you even type.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

dont understand why is there a need to prove which religion is the best.

each person has their own beliefs, i dont think there is a need to force it upon others.

when i was in ahs the same thing happened, and i got so turned off by it.

in fact some people were so bloody pushy, even till now i have such a bad impression.

there's this constant debate over who's God is the real one.

to the point that people of other faith are being put down.

dont they realise that they are being completely disrespectful?

it doesnt reflect well on their religion either.

thats why i'd rather remain a free thinker.

so long as i live by my morals and principles, its enough.

the hunger games.

the movie everybody is talking about.

which made me and ahpok curious enough to buy tickets. LOL.

its a film adaptation of a trilogy by suzanne collins.

set in a world where the country is split into districts.

each district is different, in terms of their lifestyles and financial status.

which reminds me of the society in 'In Time'. another awesome movie <3

so every year each district, 12 of them in total,

has to send a pair of tributes to take part in a gory tornament.

24 tributes have to kill each other to survive, cause only one victor is allowed.

sort of like gladiators. :x

purpose of it all?

to punish them for staging a rebellion which happened a long time ago.

the govt phrased it in a much nicer way, but we all know its bullshit.

seriously some heavy propaganda going on :x

i wont go into other details, cause i'm against spoilers for people who havent watched :B

i'll just give my comments. heheh.

katniss everdeen is <3 !

she's got this steely resolve, plus she's really brave.

ice queen on the outside but to her loved ones, she doesnt put on that front.

jennifer lawrence as katniss = eye candy throughout the show.

love her eyes and cheekbones heheh.

the kind of manipulation that the capitol guys used is damn evil la.

using human lives as pawns in their games. humanity at its worst and lowest point.

but you'll see some touching scenes as well.

like this death scene, i actually teared,

but uh its cause i went to think of my ahgong;

whether he had gone thru the same thing when he passed away. :/

so overall, it was an awesome movie !

made me wanna read the trilogy liao hahah.

cant wait for the film's sequels too. :D

this is really meaningful, and it represents my kind of view about life. (:

everyone is made unique, with their own positives and negatives.

its all about how we interact that makes a difference.

can take it as either complementary, or contrasting.

for me, i think i'm somewhere in the corner of the puzzle. hahah.

i dont have a wide social circle; i know lots of people but only those few are really close to me.

you guys know who you are.

thank you for being part of my life, for making it colorful and exciting. :D

there are some who used to be close, but sadly i drifted from them.

maybe because we started to move away into different worlds.

but hmm, to a certain extent i take that as an excuse,

because i always believe that true care and sincerity can never seperate friends.

its simply a case of insufficient effort.

still, thank you for all the memories we created.

and there are some whom i just cant stand.

hypocrites, backstabbers, childish keyboard warriors LOL.

enough said. haters gonna hate :B

thank god you guys are gone.

those nights in Beijing

Dr Lee brought over a DVD ytd evening.
He converted the videotape of our 1998 overseas trip to Beijing, which remains the furthest place I've been till today.
Fourteen years ago zomg, and I was still a bloody playful monkey. :D

Watching the dvd brought out so many memories.
Iconic moments, some of them I've forgotten cause it was simply too long ago.
Example? Me happily wearing my beanie, then running over to jh and grabbing hers off. LOL!
Told you I was a monkey. :D

And of course, precious shots of my beloved grandparents whom we went with.
Ahgong and ahma :D
They really doted on us a lot.
Like I went to photobomb the both of them when they wanted to take a photo.
At first ahma shooed me away, then she rethought and asked me to come back :3
And when ahgong was eating, I went to mess up his hair (or comb it neater, as it was my excuse then ;p), and he didn't shoo me away or scold. *my privilege hehehe*

And my laopeh. Damn funny, him and his uber thick mop of hair. Jacky Chan LOL.
It's reduced to a neater crew cut now :B
Other than tt, he's still the same, always good-naturedly complaining abt how we shld appreciate his hard earned money. Hahahah.

Not forgetting my aunt and Dr Lee!
Hehehe our dry-parents :B
They really treated us like their own, and we owe a lot to them for teaching us how to behave in public.
Dr Lee was especially strict abt manners :x

As i reminisced abt those times, I also felt this loss inside.
Sort of a happy but hollow feeling.
Cant help but rmb that ahgong is no longer around. :/

Aiya I know I v suay kuan one. but this is just me :x

Thankful that Dr Lee managed to salvage the tape, cause its definitely a part of our precious memories. :B

I wanna go on a family trip soooooon! :D

Published with Blogger-droid v2.0.4

i've been blogging since 2005.

SEVEN YEARS OMG.

and this means seven years of memories and rants.

started this purely out of fun, cause blogging was like the new thing at that time.

over time it became sort of my habit.

it was super fun to just recall what i did and record it down.

sorta like a virtual time capsule. :D

now, reading through the old posts brings up soooo many memories.

every single shit through secondary school till now.

moments with my loved ones <3

my writing style has definitely changed as well. wtf last time i sounded so childish LOL.

see now so mature. *HAHAHAH bullshitting*

so i've decided to try to blog once a week.

though my life is super boring now.

i believe i can still find a few patients to rant about. :B

at least preserve some memories in case i lose them in an accident. LOL. *touch wood*

mix and mash of song lyrics.

put my music player on random and just picked lines which spoke to me.

quite fun uh the result :B

somehow everything fits.

and this is what i mean by music therapy.

wonder which genius can guess all the songs correctly. HAHAHA.

-

只因为你总说 Everything will be okay

I'm always online

even if the sky is falling down

even if the present were to be cleaved by the setting sun

our shadows will continue to overlap one another

我不想长大，长大后世界就没童话

为什么结局没欢笑而是泪流满面

我只求爱情能够不要那么样复杂

让我们回去从前好不好，天真愚蠢快乐美好

i'm not afraid of moving on

its how hard it is to make it look so easy

i dont ever let it show

用淚稀釋的往事 漸漸消失

優雅的固執 用我倔強的方式 盡情放肆

你听我说 要好好学着去生活

就算未来有多少错

至少还有我的问候

The echoes fill your soul

They won't say which way to go

Just trust your heart

To find what you're here for

Open another door

But I'm not sure anymore

It's just so hard

i'm sorry i cant be perfect

now its just too late, and we cant go back

i'm sorry i cant be perfect.

不属于我，我不会难过

我会紧握拳头把那伤心都赶走

幸福明明很强烈，却不知觉难过流泪

绕的路太远不后悔，我们是最美的轮回

为什么不说心里话

you tell me tell me why~

this is not what i intended

if you wanna build up your love, gotta put the hate down

will you be the same as when i saw you last,

tell me how much time has passed

好想再回到那些年的时光

好想告诉你我从来没有忘记

i cant breathe but i still fight while i can fight

你要离开，我知道很简单

也许时间是一种解药，也是我现在正服下的毒药。

one year since my ahgong left us. how time flies.

i remember the day super vividly.

was at clique chalet, watching the sun rise and feeling thankful for such a beautiful morning.

kfc breakfast after and was even planning to go www.

then all shit happened in one phone call.

sometimes i wonder, what if i was at home.

what if i was around to notice tt something was wrong, just like the first time?

why wasnt i able to make it back home in time?

should i have protested more strongly against the decision for him to undergo chemo?

all these questions, left unanswered and forever a mystery.

a regret that i will forever carry, not being by my ahgong's side for the last time.

its so unfair.

from the beginning, i've tried my best to stay near him.

hospital, home, at his every appointment.

why is it tt the moment i am away, he leaves?

and it came so suddenly i didnt even know how to react.

i just kneeled there like a dumbshit, saying sorry repeatedly.

but he was already gone..

its just unfair.

i wasnt upset tt he had passed on.

i was heartbroken because he went on without us being there.

in fact i had even tried to visualise his passing. morbid i know.

but in my dreams i wanted him to leave with all of us by his side.

we would cry, wail, but he would have a chance to see all of us for the last time.

dreams are fake.

and again, life is unfair.

now i look at our photo together, and i remember tt he is still looking over us.

so i have no choice but to cheer up and stay strong.

because ahgong didnt choose to leave, but he had to.

he left with the dignity tt he had, no pain no suffering in the last moments.

he left remembering our smiles, not the tears.

he may not be physically present anymore, but he's always in our hearts.

this is what i tell myself whenever i face those questions.

one year might have seemed sufficient to forget, but everyone is still quietly grieving.

its like a wound, getting better but the scar is still there.

there's this hollow feeling sometimes. like a black hole, an abyss.

when i'm with my family, it feels much better.

reminiscing and visiting him and sometimes crying does help to ease the pain too.

whats the most potent cure though?

i look at ahma. and remind myself tt its now my responsibility to take care of her.

we lost our grandfather, but she's lost her lifelong partner, her pillar of support.

he was much much more to her, and her pain is defintely immeasurable compared to us.

so i morph into this super granddaughter mode and just smile and smile (:

and it helps that i have a super awesome circle of friends who always have my back.

my boyfriend and best friends are people that i cannot live without.

lending me their ears/shoulder, niamming, encouraging, comforting, cheering me up.

these are the little things that helped me through tough times.

so ahgong, i want you to know that i'm fine.

i know you're still here for us, watching us.

i'm still sad, but not living in regret.

still missing you, but i'll stay strong for you.

just like i always have. (:

2011 has been an eventful year for me.

quite alot of defining moments uh.

on a high note,

i finally graduated from tp, started work and uni.

got to know some awesome colleagues. :D

on the downside

lost someone really important to me: my ahgong. ):

it is still a devasting blow to me cause his passing was so sudden

and i didnt manage to be there on time.

but through these tears and heartbreak, my family is more bonded now.

not to mention my awesome friends, who've been my support system in those difficult times.

really blessed and extremely lucky to have you all by my side :D

thank you for being in my life <3

family potrait taken 6 years ago, ahgong's 70th.

2011's chinese new year; our last family potrait with ahgong.

family photo before they went thailand, december 2011

my awesome clique at graduation <3

at clique chalet. <3 bimb, sok, levon, cliff and wayne.

another successful clique meet-up. steamboat at my house!

cause of levon was craving for it heheh.

actually i was feeling quite pessimistic abt the meetup.

dont know why leh, usually i wont feel that way one.

just kept thinking tt it might be cancelled at the last minute. :/

but it turned out to be super awesome cause everyone could make it.

and then they made it my surprise birthday celebration LOL.

really ah, every year my clique MUST make me feel stupid one leh hahah.

last year they brought me around 'friend-hunting',

then blindfolded me with a panda and attempted to make me lost.

this year make me open the door for a 'late' levon and sing song right at doorstep.

but me is really touched by their efforts :D.

thank you bimbo lim for constantly trying to cheer me up tt day.

thank you ahsok for coming up with the idea.

thank you levon teo for running all the way to ang mo kio t get my cake.

thank you cliff and wayne for coming even though you guys are freaking exhausted.

such an awesome clique i have.

and tts the reason why i dont regret going tp, cause i know i've made friends i can keep for life.

love you guys ! <3

today, i learned not to hope cause it can only give you bullshit.

suddenly got this urge to blog. LOL.

life now is about work.

currently with bedok polyclinic, omg i hope this is my permanent posting and nobody messes it.

cause i love my colleagues here, no politics ftw.

the patients? not so much.

so far i havent met any which are genuinely nice. :/

working life is not so bad uh,

somemore i has stable working hours then the pay is alright.

have to scrimp and save cause of driving but oh well, tahan till november?

hopefully can pass by then.

getting used to not seeing my clique around is another matter.

its been months since graduation, but seems so recent nia.

everyone has been busy with our own stuff tt its been hard to arrange a complete meetup. ):

me ahsok and levon with work, bimb with ntu, cliff with ns and geng with family.

haiyo all the schedules will usually clash with one another, quite frustrating

and at times like this, you start to miss school like mad.

yes i'm even missing the mad pbl times.

have to carry laptops everyday and camp from 9am to 5pm, with monopoly deal breaks LOL.

complain like siao abt the workload and deadlines, but seriously, i dont mind doing it again.

but swap mm for levon please :D.

OMG THAT WOULD BE DA BOMB, imagine an even more imba team :B

oh well. time is something we cant turn back.

which is why i think its important tt we live each day with no regrets.

things may not go smoothly, patients might start throwing needles and clerks continue barking with no bloody reason but rmb tt they're not worth getting high bp. suck thumb and move on. :D

cause there's always karma for those evil people. >:/

on a more emo note,

its been half a year since ahgong left. 6 months and 5 days to be accurate.

frankly i still cant believe it, cause one year ago everything was so different, so positive.

he had just finished radiotherapy, tumour shrunk by half and we were good to go overseas.

but now.. its such a bitterly stark contrast.

all that is left are memories. and the picture of me and him tts on my table.

sigh.. life really is unpredictable.

my ahgong was born in the year 1934,

on th 9th day of the 3rd month of the chinese lunar calendar.

we dont know th actual date of birth cause he doesnt care about th usual calendar :3

he was an independent boy, working as a dishwasher to earn money when he was young.

once he got his pay of 50 cents, he ran off to get his tattoo on the left hand. :O

mai siao siao, my ahgong was second-in-charge of 双燕教 okay. *diudiu.

whenever you asked him when he started smoking, he would proudly say "13".

all th doctors that he would later see were so shocked :x

ahgong was super yandao,

but he was also a gangster and supposedly had many girls falling head over heels for him.

so when my ahma decided to be with him,

great grandmother told her not t regret her decision.

more than 50 years later,

ahgong still had not strayed, and neither were there any complaints from my ahma.

he's devoted, and loved my ahma too much t hurt her.

1991, when i was born, ahgong ahma welcomed their first grandchild.

despite me being a girl, instead of a grandson which th ultrasound promised,

they still loved and doted on me.

my ahgong was never one to 重男轻女;

he loved his daughters as much as his sons,

and his grandchildren were all his precious treasures.

my childhood memory of my ahgong, was that he loved us, but was stern at the same time.

he never liked us to make too much noise; if we did, he would frown.

but he always liked to look at us playing downstairs at the playground.

we would call up to the apartment and he would wave at us while smoking.

or at th bus stop; he would sometimes be smoking along the corridor and waiting for us to come.

in February 2010, ahgong was down with a bad cough, which sometimes made him breathless.

an x-ray scan showed a whitish mass in his left lung.

at th time, there was an unspoken fear among family members.

we had hoped that it wouldnt be cancer;

but i already had th suspicion that it would be.

sadly, my doubt was proven right and he was diagnosed with non-small cell lung carcinoma.

everyone was devasted, especially ahma.

however, we persevered tgt as a family.

took turns to accompany him in SGH almost everyday.

even when he had appointments, we would make time and go with him for support.

th oncologist was quite impressed with our family's rapport. (:

i remember an incident where i rushed over during lunch break, when i was having my SIP.

ahgong took my SIP nametag and clipped it to his shirt. sibei cute.

dont regret skipping lunch just for tt smile.

ahgong underwent radiotherapy and it was very successful.

th tumor had reduced by more than half and he felt stronger as well.

the doctor also gave us permission to travel, which my ahgong requested.

as usual, its KL + genting for us.

almost the whole family went, except my uncle.

who knew tt it would be th last? ):

but yeah i think he enjoyed th trip cause we spent alot of time w him. x)

started on chemotherapy not long after.

i was very resistant to th suggestion,

but i guess my aunts didnt want to rule out any hope for recovery.

chemo was stopped after he showed no improvement.

it was also around this time that his voice disappeared,

due to the tumor affecting th vocal cord's lymph node.

thank goodness for the good chemistry we had, if not we wouldnt be able to understand him.

palliative treatment was our option, with th focus on improving quality of life.

in th last two weeks, ahgong became more tired and kept sleeping.

he also had hallucinations and lost his appetite.

we could all see that he was in pain, but there was little to do except for encouraging him.

on 5th march 2011, i received a call from my eldest aunt while at clique's chalet.

she told me that ahgong was going t SGH, as he was breathless and had chills.

i was told tt there wasnt a need to rush home as th ambulance was on its way.

and there wasnt any emergency.

who would have known tt by th second call, ahgong's condition was already not good?

i rushed out and hailed a cab, crying on th way.

ahpok was on th phone with me, and i did calm down for awhile.

tears started dropping when i reached tanah merah, and i had this feeling.

as i stepped into th hse, i heard second aunt telling me tt ahgong passed away few mins before.

i couldnt believe my ears, neither my eyes.

but touching and feeling his cold hands confirmed th unevitable truth.

he looked so peaceful, as if he was sleeping as usual.

preparations for th funeral was wrought with endless amount of tears.

everytime i thought of him, i would either smile or cry. normally th latter :x.

it was hard trying to control my tears.

everytime i miss him i'd go t th coffin and watch his peaceful face and talk t him.

sorta helps me ease some of th grief.

out of th days, i'd say today was th worst.

th final goodbye is always th hardest.

i controlled my tears up till when they covered th coffin.

bth alr, machiam floodgate. D:

watching th coffin proceed towards th furnace was similarly heart-wrenching as well.

th finality of th door closing was simply too much for me to take.

surprisingly felt better after ahgong's photo was back at home.

there was some kind of peace tt i felt.

even more so when we collected his ashes and they told us he had sarira. or 舍利子.

awesome <3 div="">

so yes, for all those who are worried abt me, i'm better now. (:

but.. i was kinda envious cause almost everyone had their each other t be there for them.

but well, like what blonde said,

i'm lucky to have supportive friends, who could be there for me.

and th underground secret bf tt loves me as well. <3 div="">

so yeah, i must really thank my beloved clique for being so understanding and caring for me.

thanks shirlee, cliff, levon, wayne and ahsok <3 div="">

thanks hup song for visiting as well.

and thanks ahpok. i miss you ):

and finally, i love my ahgong. he'll forever be with me and my family, in our hearts (:

havent been updating this blog since dont know when. super lazy uh !

finished all 5 crazy PBLs, as well as exams. even ASCPi is also done. :DD

so yes, i've unofficially graduated!

sth i've been looking forward to, but dreading it at th same time.

those awesome times spent in TP with clique, i miss them alr. D:

so, special mention to them <3 div="">

shirlee

also known as my super bimbo bff. :D

thanks for being such a great listening ear, gossip partner, shopping buddy.

i never regret getting scammed by you for one sem. HAHAH.

DONT WORRY ABOUT US LOSING CONTACT/DRIFTING APART OKAY.

i scared your niam-ing, wun let you have tt chance :D

soktheng

ahsok jiejie ;p

though we didnt have much time tgt ever since year 2,

i'm still super glad that we can talk so much, and i can still trust you with my stuff.

you're another great person who listens and gives advice.

will never forget your super aunty ways also. HAHAH. :D

levon

DESIRE TEO.

another one with aunty spirit. discounts and gossips are your life sia. not to mention 23.

and we both love our phones more than th bfs. HAHAH.

thanks for sharing gossip, as well as ganging up against bimb ! :D

dont give up your dream of being GP okay, i believe in you.

if not i no free mc alr D:

cliff

cliff th mountain siol. :D

we have alot in common, except th love for cheese. heheh.

thanks for being a great buddy, for listening t my randomness/probs

plus constantly encouraging me. (:

its awesome t have you as my friend.

wayne

geng leader, thanks for motivating us through pbl !

and being another good ally heheh. bullying bimb ftw.

你太强了，我太费了。(Y)

i have your address hor, dont always think you can hide in woodlands forever.

make us take imba 168 and knock on your door. :O

and not forgetting th rest of th awesome friends i've made while in tp.

th memories are always w me :D

and yeah, bye you motherfuckers. you know who you are if you feel offended. _l_.

what? th world is realistic, and so are you. (:

2010 is coming to an end !

its been an eventful year, filled with ups and downs.

there are so many things i have t be thankful for.

for having a strong family even in th face of adversity,

for having awesome friends to be there for me.

for having an understanding and chaota bf.

i'm really blessed and lucky, and i have all my beloved friends and family to thank. <3

here's to hoping tt 2011 will be a fruitful year, and everyone to stay healthy and happy (:

officially nineteen years of age. finally?

celebration with clique on 17th december.

omg they led me on this treasure hunt, supposed t find them using clues.

really left my IQ at home, like bimb asked. :x

or maybe its cause i stayed up late shooting zombies. heheh.

5.30am L4D2 FTW.

i think th most kiampa part is not running arnd t find them.

but more like, they blindfolded me with this panda eyemask!!

bimb's my prison guard. bring me here and there then everyone's giving me weird stares

the rest, all kidnap my beloved satio for gmasking.

THINK I BLIND THEN DONT KNOW THEY RUN OFF . roar.

can hear all those noisy people disappear one lorhs :x

dont dare t go tampines mall for at least one month alr D:

moved on t playnation at dhoby.

its some place, can hang out and play board games/console.

von didnt manage t run off heheh. cause we tricked her into staying for gossip :B

dance games sibei epic cause damn funny. esp bollywood/african style.

bimb owns, confirm is influenced by th black guy in loincloth (Y)

rochor tauhuey. made so much noise till this ghey scream at us. :x

then thai express for dinner.

cliff epic appetite. finish 3 dishes wtf. on top of his tauhuey and all tt sia. zai.

gossiped and talked before going home <3

18th december !

fetched ahpok early in th morning and had mac breakfast w his bunkmates.

long bus ride home and i slept till 1pm. HAHAH.

eh i was damn tired, but i missed him so much tt i didnt mind waking up lorhs :B

and i miss having his shoulder t lean on in th bus. :x

lunch was his treat at eighteen chefs !

actually he wanted t bring me t swensens ice-cream buffet but i wasnt in th mood for tt.

give me cheese over sugary stuff anytime ! but i want green tea ice cream though ;p

supposed t go bbq wholesale t buy stuff, but i didnt want him t guess so easily.

so instead of taking mrt t kembangan we took 32 from bedok.

hahah, he was awesomely happy when he realised my plan.

like bimb, he's bbq-deprived. ;p

bbq was at uncle's place. introduced them t ahpok.

HAHAH his heart nearly popped out !

but my uncle and aunt was fine with him. actually not a bad impression :3
one more little step forward for us (:

ziq and ahsai were totally th surprise guests lorhs !

tmd tt ahsai scam me say she got work cannot take leave cause going genting.

screamed when i saw her. HAHAHA.

reached home at around 1am. heng cab fare only 5 bucks after split. :D

clubbing on 22nd december

this time with bimb, cliff, and th newly legal tom and jerry.

AGAIN WE FAILED TO GO BUTTER FACTORY WALAO FML.

AGAIN ITS ARENA. ARGHHH.

oh well its actually my fault we had to meet late. nvm NEXT TIME FOR SURE.

ahsok's 20th celebration on 24th december

had a challenging time planning this !

firstly had t fight with chongseng t let us have th date.

then prayed for slot at teoheng.

then omg suay suay sok dio PM shift. so had t last minute cancel teoheng and switch t kbox.

LUCKILY HAVE. HAHAH.

and we surprised ahsok by doing smth my retarded brain thought of while sleep deprived.

made her wait at this bus stop, boarding 12 before tt stop and waving her t come on board.

HAHAH HER EPIC EXPRESSION IS SOOOOO WORTH IT.

*eyes widen and panic before she boards* LOL.

oh yeah and sok kept thinking we were gonna throw her a mac party.

"dunwan la, i'm turning 20, not 2 leh!"

didnt really have th voice to sing but i managed to counter bimb's sarang heyo!

HAHAHA. i sang t ahsok instead, then bimb jealous max ;p.

cliff more zai, jitao cover/close eyes.

poor bimb stand in front of th screen also no use. :DD

had ahpok bring th surprise cake !

its actually this small slice of brownie nia. HAHAH.

camwhored for awhile before sending ahsok to eastpoint for work.

and bumped into von and lzl. which completes ahsok's wish t see lzl. LOLOLOL.

GOSSIPED AT KFC (Y)

afterwhich was wandering arnd tamp area with ahpok and bimb.

OMG THE KOI AT TAMPINES IS AWESOMELY NEAR INTER.

and th service is good. AND MOST IMPT, TH TEA IS NICEEEEEEEEE.

green tea macchiato was damn smooth and alot nicer than gongcha.

oh did i mention tt gongcha's milk is salty one. omg errrr.

LOVE KOI. NOTHING VON SAYS IS GONNA CHANGE IT.

got my birthday and christmas presents from ahpok !

giant bar of hershey's dark chocolate.

AND THIS BABY CAREBEAR THAT I WANTED.

damn cute sia. its named mintbear ((:

watched awesome view of skyline at esplanade rooftop before mrt-ing home. <3

SO NOW,

HI ITS 5AM AND I'M GETTING READY TO GO GENTING. WHEEEEEEE.

but sadly ahgong and ahma cant go. D:

praying and hoping tt nothing bad happens to my beloved family/friends when i'm overseas ! (:

missing him till i cant breathe, cant feel anything.

only feel like crying.

hating th dumbshit fucked up stuff that happens.

but i cant cry cause i dont like feeling weak.

and people around me will start to worry.

i'm not used to crying either.

used to keeping it all inside.

i know its unhealthy but i've been like that since primary school. :/

i have awesome friends.

thanks bimbo lim, levon teo, cliff and wayne for constantly reassurring me today. <3

thank you my awesome ahpok,

for making me laugh while crying <3

havent been updating in awhile ! :D

with SIP and MP settled and just waiting for submission, th feeling is awesome man.

take th 2 weeks as a break before officially going back to school.

i just hope tt there are really no lecs and labs, if not sian ttm cause th hours suck.

anyway, had shopping trips and k session alr ! shiok.

actually th shopping was okay only. managed t get one item after walking arnd.

bimb was better, nearly dio th 65 bucks curse again. HAHAH.

12 NOVEMBER

k session was back at topone ! whoo 7 hours singing with bimb, wayne and cliff.

von didnt go cause she recently went w colleagues D:

nvm we dedicated shero t her.

accumulated like, 22 pages of songs? LOL LOL.

with th super epic 我问天. HAHAHAH.

and walao, its so difficult t find kpop singers/songs there.

bimb was super disappointed :x

but at least got taeyang's wedding dress. current fav <3

had dinner at shokudo's. japanese curry rosti <3

smaller portion than marche's, but satisfying enough.

th carrots and potatos in th jap curry helped :B

LOL we were actually trying t figure out if th cube was a carrot or potato. HAHAHA.

13 NOVEMBER

celebrated 3 years anniversary in advance !

cause tekong only releases ahpok on tuesday night.

at least i can see him and pass th present then ;p

like every year, he takes me on a whirlwind ride.

scam me th stations t get off, drags me in another direction th next. LOL.

lunch + dinner was at manhattan fish market, j8.

wtf such lousy service and food.

his portion was small and looked pathetic. then th fries was cold one la.

th waiter also like some attitude problem idiot. -.-

only th fried mushrooms is awesome, hot hot juicy juicy one. <3

thats th only thing i might go back for.

next time i have fish&chips craving, fish&co. is th place. :D

HAPPY BIRTHDAY WAYNE (:

will forever rmb you as th guy i met in sub-comm camp who lived in freaking woodlands.

and also, the super geng lim xianfeng. (Y)

hope you enjoyed the simple celebration, and tt your 19th year would be better (:

met bimb and cliff at city hall first !

actually i was alr late, then mrt broke down for 10 minutes and made it worse. =/

heng bimb nvr niam so much sia. maybe cause today 吉日, cannot scold.

i acted as some kind of diversion,

cause they wanted t reveal th cake as they went up th escalator.

supposed t make sure tt wayne is really there, if not v paiseh alr. :x

we everytime surprise him w cake out of nowhere sia. (Y)

last year was at cine, with cliff as th diversion. hahaha.

dinner at suntec sakae! i didnt know such place existed.

apparently only bimb knows and we didnt really believe her.

cannot ah, sometimes must give her credit when it comes t central area. :x

chawanmushi was.. blehhh. no taste !

i think its not th place got prob alr, its me. cursed chawanmushi D:

think th highlight of dinner was trying t get bimb t sign up for lessons. LOL.

practical sessions 3 hours with 2 x mean. *teeko face*

mrt-ed home via circle line, viewing tunnel macham HoD!

makes me miss L4D too. tanks come chionging out (Y)

then just t get a group photo, we got off at dakota sia.

somehow th name still has memories, some good some bad. sentimental of me, i know. :/

was missing ahpok and i randomly went t read through his old blog posts.

those memories are really smth i treasure,

and i smiled like mad when i read it (:

especially when he was scolding this dumb fuck, who was stalking us.

damn funny, but sweet at th same time <3

AND YES I KNOW I VERY LONG NVR UPDATE ALR.

lazy to think back about a whole week's worth of stuff la.

hahahah.

sorry t disappoint my fans, namely bimbo lim and ahpok. (Y)

ahpok is back from tekong, unexpectedly !

he was having a fever of 39.1 deg celsius, wtf.

and still chionged through first aid course, physical training.

damn funny, his bunkmates and sergeants all panic like mad cause temp so high.

this person even asked if he'd put th thermometer into hot water somemore, LOL.

cause, where got people look so normal with such temp one.

anyw, he sounds totally alright now, just sniffling and coughing.

confined to his bed until wed, then book out again on fri. :D

i want t sue tekong's water filter alr ! cause of th water/food poisoning. D:

tmr's th last day of SIP and somehow, the mood is not there.

i can totally understand what bimb is feeling now

cause its damn sian to look forward to celebrating it for 5 months,

and suddenly everyone is not available.

how come, i also dont know. maybe people forgot bahs.

but this turnout is totally not what i expected.

a happy 99 days of SIP, but not the 100th.

2 of my favourite people are finally back :D

welcomeee back, ahpok and boss !

went pasir ris t fetch ahpok on thursday, super excited laaa.

couldnt imagine how he would look like carrying tt uber heavy pack and in green.

somemore without hair !

counted down to th hours since th previous night, heheh.

waited awhile, then finally got t see him !

so blur, so tan, and yet still very th same ahpok i know. <3

and his bunkmates all v shocked when they saw me, LOL!

their expressions are quite exaggerated also la.

make me soooooo paiseh :x

apparently they didnt expect a chinese girl t pick him up. HAHAH.

waited abit for boss but didnt see him in th end. hp off !

so both of us took bus 12 back. long bus ride then got time t catch up, heheh.

he's super tan now ! like black, LOL. blonde says charcoal :x

then today, met boss for dinner !

cliff didnt go w us today cause he left his mp workbook in th lab.

and apparently he thinks of himself as a fluorescence. LOL.

STUDYING TOO MUCH VIRUSES ALR .

so its only me, bimb, boss and ahpok.

went mad jack cafe, and ion takoyaki before tt.

boss and ahpok's head both look super round.

and ahpok is comparable to a takopachi. HAHAH. cause th color and shape matches !!

grilled fish w cream sauce is not as nice as simpang's.

serving they gave me was fucking small. roar.

didnt curb my craving for mensa dory fish at all !!

anyw, cause ahpok was having fever, we ended up going daiso and headed home after.

oh and random, cause we were looking for people t take photo for us,

then i saw my histo colleague ! hahah.

boss says i v zai, liddat oso can find someone i know. LOL.

mrt home~

another random note: blonde found out today tt mrt trains have wheels.

3 years i've known him and th first time i see him sick. heartache. D:

friday dinner was with th love of my life: subway :D

th last time i ate it was 6th august. really one month without it leh !

went w cliff and ah bimb after work.

bimb bought ion takoyaki sia !

but i still cant get t taste it while its hot.

which i believe would be AWESOME.

gonna get ahpok t try it with me some day. :D

cant believe ahbimb doesnt know abt th fish digitalis on th ion roof.

she spent quite along trying t figure if it was real or fake.

HAHAHAH.

and yeah, ahpok cant call me anymore !

cause his spare batt turned out to be a scam.

stupid seller gave him a spoilt one. and he paid for it sia !

i hope th shop gets burnt down for doing such an evil thing.

so, let me try surviving 6 days without him :x

monday,

watched resident evil: afterlife !

alot nicer than extinction.

maybe cause th storyline also featured other people?

not just purely on alice and her kickass psychic powers.

NEA should have just hired her t burn down th crows.

rather than all those useless shooters. :x

i thought tt claire redfield was really hot.

especially in tt fight sequence w th executioner. woahhh smexyaye.

the movie director is an asshole though.

most epic flying of a plane through a crowd of zombies. HAHAH.

had dinner w ahpok after tt and he sent me home (:

tuesday was heii sushi ! :D

i actually wore a dress to work. soooo weird la. :x

25 plates of stuff, and we tried almost everything on th side orders menu.

including this shiitake salmon thingy.

wah th mushroom part is super nice but th salmon is not.

and th tempura vege mix had too much onions :x

chawanmushi fucking disappointing.

shall aim t perfect my own version and satisfy cravings.

cause no point hoping for heii sushi to do tt for me D:

took a walk arnd pasir ris park before we took 12 home.

wednesday was just simple.

he fetched me home from tanah merah, with my honey aloe vera drink heheh.

actually, my favourite things are simple yet meaningful moments. (:

thursday

kbox with jiawen, blonde and bowei after so long !

met with cheechew for koi first. absolutely love koi heheh. bubble milk green tea :D

we're amazing cause we walked from outram to city hall.

next time i know alr how t spend time after clubbing alr ;p.

and cheechew says tt me and blonde look KOREAN.

whats up with tt sia, how come no one ever says we look sgporean. :x

even my new maid commented tt blonde looks australian and i looked jap.

at least, i hope tt he's saying korean AFTER the plastic surgery.

cause so far, i havent seen natural ones which look.. not cui :x

sang for 3 hours, then halfway through 最幸福的事, ahpok called !

wahh excited max. somemore th song title quite fitting <3

he says he feels weird without his hair, but its nice to touch also. LOL.

aww tt comment was so him. ((:

dinner at simpang bedok, first proper meal of th day.

liquid diet ma, teh c bing for lunch and koi for pre-dinner? hahah.

friday

campus discussion !

wanted t have mensa's dory fish but apparently they got sold out of everything.

no chicken/fish/mushroom soup. just mutton pork or beef.

like i can eat tt sia. to think i skipped breakfast for tt.

carried my mp workbook to school for nth too !

dr. khin was on course D:

and everything ended early, so we ended up going t cliff's hse t play wii.

bimbo lim is epic wii player.

her mii is damn chio like 如花

when she plays boxing, i'm actually scared tt she might pop my eye out.

and bowling, she moves along with th alignment of th cursor sia. HAHAH.

went t unity t disturb ahsok. green tea for her !

then von's house t see rabbits.

seriously like hari raya or what, keep going people's hse :B

boss called and he made bimb say pcc.

IN HEARING RANGE OF VON'S DAD WTF.

supper at simpang bedok !

xiaolongbao and prata <3

saturday

haircut with bimbo lim!

slacked arnd tm and eastpoint before tt.

kiehl's promoters followed us from escalator t cotton on. LOL.

they v cute also, nvr interupt us talking instead.

waited until there was lesser people then approach. :x

bought 23 for ahsok. we want t make her bloated w tea ! heheh.

must take care of her when jiefu isnt arnd also. :D

took 9 home, slept for 1 hour.

and now i'm really bored of blogging.

cause i feel so bleah. D:

last dinner with boss before he goes bald !

unfortunately we forgot t take photos.

so shit la, cant make th poster of him with his hair still intact. D:

met with bimb first, then we traveled t woodlands.

wahh i cannot imagine if i was studying at NYP. journey sooo long.

we took circle line somemore, but i think th difference v slight.

cause still have t wait for train, etc.

purpose of traveling was t surprise wayne.

but he end up falling asleep. LOL.

nvm at least we entertained ourselves with mac and shopping.

MCSPICY OMG :D

went somerset after we were sick of causeway point.

got tempted by a pair of sneaker-heels from new look !

but fucking 60 bucks wthhhhh. D:

i think bimb has it worse though. tempted by a 99 bucks vest.

but its chio too. though v overpriced.

met boss at plaza sing pizza hut.

go pizza hut t try th new parchment pasta !

like awesome, cause reminds me of the leaf-wrapped hor fun.

only tt its thin paper. and giap-ed with this cute wooden peg (:

v creamy but just right, goes well w tabasco (heheh) and quite filling.

i love th grilled chicken. :D

walked up and down th whole bloody street, LOL.

from ps to taka to ion and all th way back for tauhuey. (HEHEHE)

finally get t have tauhuey after 2 weeks of craving la !

walao eh wait so long until my neck oso long alr ;x

and throughout we just kept talking and talking like no tmr.

i swear ah, boss has motor mouth. HAHAH.

anyw, have fun in NS uh boss, dont turn ghey pls. :D

if not eugene's gonna be overexcited alr.

we'll take a photo with th bald head 2 weeks later. hahah.

friday

dinner at just acia with bimb and cliff.

had such a hard time finding a place tt bimb is happy with sia !

we wanted tauhuey but she dunwan. ):

but okay la cause i got t try smth really nice at just acia.

baked dory rice w cheese. wah super filling. :D

and its not really like th standard type of baked rice also.

not t mention th free flow ice-cream and drinks !

hot chocolate + rum & raisin ice-cream is th love.

mango sherbet too!

heheh food <3

abandoned tauhuey plan, walked around daiso instead.

some things inside really memories sia !!

th open close ruler, th '8' shaped chocolate <3

i havent ate it yet cause cant bear to. :D

next time shall go spotlight and walk arnd instead.

th costumes section looks v fun heheh.

oh, and i scolded this cheena piang in th toilet.

people queuing up for their turns,

then she and her friend barge in and were exclaiming " 需要排队啊"

LIKE DUH WHAT ELSE, WHY WOULD PEOPLE STAND IN A ROW FOR.

scolded her "废话" and she was so pissed tt she kept muttering at me.

whateverrrr. uncultured mother fucker.

think w boobs instead of brains.

like seriously, cheena people are mostly shameless and slutty.

see so many newspaper articles abt them, so disgusted la !

for example,

a cheena getai singer allows old men t put angbaos into her cleavage.

and she claims tt their wives were also there, whats wrong, all for fun only.

WTF so shameless and cheap sia.

their wives there but so what ! you think they happy meh ! zzz dumb fuck.

so next time your husband cheats on you he should do it openly and not behind your back la?

and another one.

prostitutes were arrested in shanghai and guess what.

most of them are women with good jobs, some even doctors, professors !!!

LIKE SERIOUSLY WTF.

are they that DEPRIVED? _l_

utterly disgusting. so fucking glad tt my ancestors left tt shithole.

saturday

supposed t meet vestige for comex and dinner !

unfortunately alot of things cropped up D:

jerald is sick w high fever, so ahsai has t take care of him.

zebra ate durian AND curry, so having explosive diarrhoea.

ziq turned into a painter for th day in preparation of ramadan.

and mama is going dating so cannot.

so ended up i met ahpok in th afternoon and later naz at simpang for dinner.

chicken rice, HK yuan yang and cheese fries.

another awesome meal, cause cheddar cheese makes my day.

and i bet ahsai is gonna say i everything also food again D:

oh and th cleaner aunty v random. she asked me if i was chinese :x.

then she chatted w us too. DAMN FUNNY .

cause she can tell tt naz understands chinese and ahpok is just pretending. HAHAHA!

AHPOK DIO EXPOSED BY AUNTY.

reminds me of tt time at rochor tauhuey, cliff dio pwned by aunty too.

so style siol, th aunties nowadays.

one day i can see levon and bimb like that.

and i mean th style, NOT AS CLEANER AUNTIES HOR!

slacked somemore at playground before going off.

love chitchat sessions, esp if you havent seen th person for a really long time !

just wished tt more people could have made it (:

only 11 more days till ahpok goes NS. D: