5th year x gardens by the bay!

almost every anniversary, we must go somewhere new.
1st year was at Singapore Flyer
last year was at Universal Studios.
this year was at Gardens By The Bay ! :D

i guessed the location as soon as he reminded me to bring a camera HAHA.

thank goodness he told me lor!
because i ended up snapping photos of almost everything.
took a total of 300 plus pictures there :D

other than the heritage gardens, we went to the flower dome conservatory.
we were happy to pay 12 bucks for air-con on such a hot day. hahah!

the flower dome features mainly mediterranean and australian plants,
and in addition there are floral displays which change with seasons.
this time it was autumn when we visited!
so there was a v pretty harvest theme, and everything was orange, yellow and red.
simply amazing. :D

first real bouquet in 5 years. hahaha :D

  

dragonfly walk and OCBC skyway.

 

 

the one on the right is damn cool. looks like a metal flower !

 

 

the true flowers are much more purple and striking in real life; photos dont do them justice.

 

cant help but think of cross-fertilisation and genetics when i see these hybrids
i'm such a geek :3

 

 

autumn harvest. spot the cheeken staring at YOU. :B

 

actually i'm in love with daisies. :D

 

teeko ahpok and emo me. HAHAHA.

  

thank you ahpok for such an awesome surprise! :D

watched ah boys to men on the same day too.
i love the parts where they reminisced about the old army days omg.
ahpok was also v nostalgic when they showed all the tekong shit (:
cant wait for part two!

love is just so simple.

this post has the consistency of mashed potatoes.
read: very mushy.

only continue if you can take it. HAHAH.
________________________________________________________________________________

its been five years since we've been together, ahpok and me.
the journey has not been easy,
cause we've had to fight our way through.
we faced our personal demons, learnt how to complement and contrast each other.
and most importantly, this year we overcame one of the most important barriers ever.
specifically my family's acceptance. (:

till now i still cant believe how easy it turned out.
my mom even sides him now wtf ! always asking me not to bully him :x
but whats a bf for if not to bully? mwahahah :D

and its kinda amazing, the way we met.
who knows that i'll ever meet my soulmate through.. maple?
and to think that he lives so nearby too.
yes thats the official story, more than the mutual friends crap i've been telling people LOL.
didnt want people to judge us more than they alr do, cause of the race thing.
but now i'm no longer caring. (:

past the stage where i feel conscious of people staring and pointing at us.
you people dont affect me anymore because all i know,
is that having him beside me is the luckiest thing ever.

i love the way that he is always patient with me.
being my alarm clock is not easy, EVER.
he is the one who calls me till i finally answer.
his highest record ever was 25 missed calls WTF.
i honestly admit that my own record for him is a measly 10.
cause i'd get sooooo pissed off i give up calling LOL.

i love the way that he lets me indulge in retail therapy.
he's one of my advisors when it comes to deciding on my buys, heheh.
and he even pushes me into my favourite store; KissJane. like seriously.
BUT he does sometimes remind me to exercise some control though.
yet he never really tries to stop me from buying when he knows i like it. (:

i love the way he's always looking out for my interest.
he does stupid things though, like ___________________________. ahpok you know this!
sometimes i cant believe he can be so stupidly selfless.
yet i'm touched by the way he can love me more than i deserve.

i love the way he never controls me.
he doesnt complain when i'm too busy to meet him, like during OLTC/OCP times
neither does he try to limit the amount of time i spend with my clique.
omg best thing is, he even lets them have the nearest saturday to my upcoming birthday.

i love the way he encourages me.
i love how he can read my mind, and vice versa.

in short, i love the way he loves me.

i'll be your shelter, i'll be your storm.
i'll make you shiver, i'll keep you warm.
whatever weather, baby i'm yours.
be your forever, be your fling,
baby i will be your everything. (:

like a G6

like seriously i havent felt this relaxed and happy since dont know when.

few hours ago i was feeling so screwed cause mom got injured,
and me myself kena bad cramps. on exam day.
like goodness knows what will happen next.

then i took a deep breath, and stepped into the exam hall.
1 hour 30 mins later, stepped out feeling like the happiest shit in the world. :D

cause even though its temporary, i'm free from school!
no lecture till monday. and its only thursday. :D
no need to copy notes like a typewriter.
no need to memorise my stupid factors of combinatorial control liao. teehee.

this might seem like a trivial matter to others,
but it really feels like a stone kena lifted and thrown away.
cause i have so little time for myself when i have both school and work.
even few days of freedom seems limitless to me. x)

supper with levon teo made it more awesome.
poor bimb couldnt make it cause she got test tmr. :x
satisfied my craving for custard bun! hehehe.
and of course our forever essential gossip. HAHAH.

looking forward to 5th year anniversary with ahpok tmr ! :D

下雨天了怎么办，我好想你

such a rainy, grey evening.
and some thoughts made my day additionally gloomy.
_______________________________________________________________________________

it was such a simple conversation between my colleagues.
adele was talking about how her daughter loves fish porridge.

and i thought of my ahgong.

he disliked fish porridge, especially after he fell sick and his taste changed.
due to the tumor pressing against one of the vocal nerves, he also couldnt speak.
ahma didnt realise it yet; she thought fish porridge would be good for him.
and who can blame her?
she has to undertake the mental and physical stress of taking care of her frail husband.
its not easy at all.

ahgong couldnt finish it almost all the time.
one bowl was all he could take. and sometimes less than that.
ahma was so upset whenever he started shaking his head, indicating he had enough.
she felt so helpless, cause he barely ate anything.

i happened to be feeding him one day, on a monday.
i remember because the market is usually closed and there was no fish.
so he had carrot and potato porridge.

i thought of this brilliant idea to place smaller amounts into a bowl.
and you know, if he saw that he could finish "one" bowl,
he'd be encouraged to eat more.

and ahgong did. (:

i kaypoh asked him if he liked the porridge; he nodded.
then i asked him if he preferred fish or this kind.
hahah, i can still recall his face when he heard fish porridge. 皱眉头 ttm!

from then on, ahma never tried to make him eat fish porridge alr. :B

______________________________________________________________________________

i went back to sgh last wednesday.
flooded by a torrent of memories, as usual.

seeing NCC, at first i felt really upset.
its not a good place to have to walk into.

but i recalled, how ahgong took my intern pass and clipped it to his shirt.
how he asked his oncologist if he wanted to join us for bak kut teh.
how he loves to drink the starfruit juice there.
how he found it really silly to go there for a 10 minute radiotherapy every day for 3 weeks.
seriously! he goes in there, takes out his shirt, 5 minutes later can go home liao. hahah.
i can never forget the shocked expression he gave when we said he could go home. :D

_______________________________________________________________________________

its been almost two years since ahgong has left.
yet small details can still trigger off a string of memories.

we lose our loved ones and we learn to accept and move on.
but we never forget. ever.

what is love?

L, is for the way you look at me.
O, is for the only one i see.
V, is very very extraordinary.
E, is even more than anyone that you adore.

love is when you feel really happy, blessed and lucky.
its one of the best feelings.
like nothing bad can happen, nothing can go wrong.

but it can sometimes be overrated.

love can be materialistic.
love can be blind.
love can be stupid and stubborn.
love can hurt us the way nothing else can.

so why do some of us crave love so much?
are the possible consequences worth it?

i guess, everything has two sides. its just how one chooses to view it. (:

for me, i'd summarize everything in one word.
love is .. sacrifice.

not asking for anything except for the one i love to be truly happy.
i dont need roses or any gifts.
just his smile will suffice. (:


Love is all that I can give to you
Love is more than just a game for two
Two in love can make it
Take my heart and please don't break it
Love was made for me and you

skinny vs glutton

there are some times where i feel conscious about myself.
like i see those really skinny girls and think,
wah damn their arms/legs/tummy really is skinny one siaa.
and i start thinking about how i stand in comparison.

i'll be thinking thoughts like,
wah i need to start exercising everyday.
should start jogging, do situps, pushups, etc.

then i think about controlling my diet..

and then all hope is lost HAHAHA.
seriously the moment i think about cutting down on food i'm like, hell no. NO. LOL.
cause seriously ! food is so essential to me.
once a year fasting with ahpok during ramadan can torture me liao.
imagine cutting down on my food.. omg i will die before i lose weight.

i'm already not eating as much leh.
breakfast is usually bread/bao.
lunch is.. super unhealthy hahah. instant soup + bread/biscuits. life of a broke uni student. ._.
dinner is more heavy, either mom's cooking or i eat out.
so tell me, how to cut down?
anymore i'll be suffering from gastritis first, not anorexia :x

i guess the true way to control is not by portion but by food group bahs.
not too much carbs before sleep.
not too much fried food.
not too much sweet stuff. not a problem cause i dont have a sweet tooth :B
eat more vegetables and fruits!
omg i know i need to incorporate more of these into my system. :x

but yeah, i guess i wont be losing weight anytime soon :D

__________________________________________________________________________________

went Buffet Town with second aunt and uncle and jh on thursday!
(omg this is the kind of gluttony i'm talking about)

aunt wanted to treat us for our birthdays :D

food was really fresh and yums, but variety was so so only.

 

me and jh.  2nd uncle waving his lobsters. and thats 2nd aunt !
any resemblance? hahaha.
i think we look alot like our aunts cause we're very close, they literally brought us up (:
i have many things to thank them for.

 Buffet Town at Raffles City, B1!

My first try with oysters. these are really very fresh and there's no fishy seafood smell!

love it especially with tabasco sauce and lemon.

penne pasta with tomatoes, bacon and mushrooms.

okok cause some of the pasta was undercooked :x

 inari sushi and rainbow maki !

my vegetable teppanyaki.

actually supposed to choose mussels/pork/squid to pair with but i chose neither. :x

seafood galore!

fresh sashimi. undoubtedly jh's favourite.

"these are so fresh! so gooooood!"

one of the few times she gushes over food LOL.

 tempura. er disappointing cause it was cold and flour was too thick.

dory fish, roasted spice chicken, potatoes and mushroom pizza.

when i saw people carrying this i grabbed jh and went: "chawanmushi!!!"

turned out to be soup wtf. ._.

happy dinner :D

unleash the shopaholic !

you know, when blogshops first appeared i was like, meh.

who wants to buy clothes which you cant try?

and i had many doubts about the reliability of delivery and quality.

who knows i would become such a (blog)shopaholic? :D

seriously i think i only started caring about clothes when i started poly.

and when i found a shopping buddy in LIM SHIRLEE. hahaha.

similar taste and we usually give constructive comments. 

bugis street is our ever favorite target. :D

we're taking part in this bugis st bff contest, and WERE leading.

but sadly not anymore; a pair managed to get 300 plus votes overnight. 

wtf what sorcery. :x

anyway ! 

there was a warehouse sale last sunday, featuring thevelvetdolls, megagamie and lilypirates.
TVD and MGG are two blogshops which i frequently kena tempted by.
and their apparel are usually priced in the $25 - $30 range,
while for the sale its gonna be crazy cheap, $5 - $20! (!)
so made this very last minute decision to go with ah bimb :D

omggggg super crazy the queue when we reached at 11am.
stretch and turn AND u-turn wtf!
waited a total of 4 hours, just for 30 mins of shopping.

and by shopping i meant crazy digging through the piles of stocks and grabbing armfuls.
alr discuss strategy; just aim by color and material, take and decide later!
we only sorted and picked after time was up. HAHAH.

so first day haul was 1 denim top, 2 pairs of pants and 2 pairs of shorts, for $65!
the top and one of the shorts i bought them for jh.
teehee quite satisfied but kind of think it was wasted cause i didnt grab any tops.
and one of the pants didnt fit me cause they didnt tag the size properly. ._.

so when they extended the sale by another one day i was like very very tempted. HAHAH.
you would have thought 4 hours of queuing was enough to deter me from going again,
but yeah somehow i'm really mad enough. hahaha.

ahpok was my queuing buddy this time!
both of us coincidentally had off day so this was kinda fated. #excuse ;p
we reached 20 mins before it started, and thankfully the queue wasnt long.
it fact we made it for the second batch. ^.^V

and upon entering i was super excited!
cause i saw this blazer bimb wanted for sometime.
ahahah she tempted but nvr buy, out of stock online liao then regret not buying.
so.. *grabs* and it was for $25 only ! original price was $38 okay.

for me, this time i was more selective cause i alr knew what i was aiming for. :D

so total haul was 4 tops for $25. hehehe.
and a photo with tvd's pretty owner, yina! :D

i was quite impressed with tvd's service because their staff were very friendly !
despite the mess they were quite clear about stock availability.
and they'd take the initiative to ask you which sizing, even suggest which fit best. (Y)

so in the happy aftermath, i'm going on a shopping ban for the rest of the month. hahah.
other than christmas gifts i'm not gonna buy anymore clothes. :x

oh and did i mention, i'm getting more used to my short hair !
i no longer dread washing and drying it, cause it takes lesser time now heheh.
and thankfully the fringe is alr starting to grow. :D

for evil or for worse. :B

you know the rule where smoking is banned in certain areas and such?

its an awesome idea, but it also causes groups of smokers to crowd directly outside.

near entrances and all over the walkways.

and it sucks cause all the smoke is bloody concentrated. >:/

seriously, have you stepped outside of plaza sing/cineleisure ever smelling fresh air? :x

so as usual i was complaining and wishing that bombs would drop on them.

like one fell swoop, boom and no more smokers. *evil grin*

er and then ahpok commented: "you fail as a scientist leh. 

bombs drop innocent people also will die.

with your knowledge, isnt it better to create a virus which specifically targets smokers?"

MY BOYFRIEND WANTS ME TO CREATE A BIOWEAPON. :OO

and i was stunned into thinking; omg so stupid, why didnt i even think of that? :x

not that i want to really kill smokers la.

maybe just make their lifes worse with every cigarette? 

the higher the nicotine in their body, the worse the symptoms will get.

you get the drift. :B

but i digress. 

the point is, like seriously i'm not putting into application what i have learnt.

and it makes me rethink about alot of things.

纸上谈兵 (?)

haircut + kissjane preview!

my life is filled with a few drastic hair changes. :D

after i graduated from ahs, i went with my aunt t her hairdresser's.

and i told him to just cut anything he wanted.

got an asymmetrical bob :D

somewhere during first year in poly, i decided t dye my hair.

premature graying inherited from laobu. :x

and instead of going for the safer colors, i went for red highlights all over the head.

till now i'm still trying to get my desired red hair :D

and, i snipped off my super long and thick hair today!

it was a record of 21.5 inches est. and now its only 14.5 inches est. HAHAHA.

such a spur of the moment decision also.



like some female ghost ._.

took half day for my hair appt and had a last minute impromptu lunch with cliff before tt :D
its always awesome to have subway when he's around cause i can kope all the cheese mwahaha.

went to Mahogany at dhoby ghaut, cause i bought a groupon deal for them.

consultation + treatment + haircut + wash and blow for $38 :D

the service was damn awesome, no shitty attitude just cause you're a coupon buyer.

my stylist was Candice, and she was very easy to talk to.
other than asking for my desired length,
she also took effort to understand how i would usually style my hair.

which is like no style because i'm the laziest person on earth :x
at work, tie, finish work, let down. thats it HAHAH.

so she decided not to cut too many layers so that tying wont be a problem. thoughtful right!

but she stunned me cause she curled my hair. totally unexpected!
i fell asleep while she was blow drying, and next moment i woke up to wavy hair. :O
and erm. its really not my style. hahahah.
but it was okay cause it straightened out slightly awhile later. :D

and yeah that my fringe is damn toot cause its kinda short.
but whats new, i always kena fringe-astrophe. :x

the before, and after. me and Candice!
and i managed to meet pok for awhile before meeting bimb. he says i mushroom head. :x

overall, left Mahogany feeling (ALOT) more lightheaded and satisfied. :D
i kinda miss my long hair, especially cause i've been keeping it for more than a year.
and through all the hair dyeing and sun and stress, many people still find it v healthy looking

but i dont regret this cause its a good change, heheh. and it will always grow back!

_____________________________________________________________________________

purposely picked blogshop items t wear, heheh.
thevelvetdolls' denim crawford blazer,
the tinsel rack's summer love hws,
and mgplabel's mi lady top which i won from another giveaway recently. :D

met bimb for the KissJane preview event at Vivo!
won the tickets via my ever favourite TTR ♥
there were more people than i expected at the preview, guess cause we picked the best time.
and by best time i meant when everybody was starting their friday night after work/school. :x
but i guess it's definitely better than tmr's crowd. you can just imagine x_x

saw some bloggers at the event, namely dawn yang and the owners of megagamie.
DY was there to promote her own blogshop, and errr.. she has quite a sharp nose. plastic(?)
the megagamie sisters are both damn skinny! and they look alike ._.
didnt take photos with them though, not starstruck enough LOL.
but i would have wanted to take photos with TTR's team if they were around though !
such a pity they werent. :x

total kill was.. 2 only HAHAH.
but happy cause i aimed those items for quite awhile liao.
TTR's Lollipop hws in black, and TDC's sleeveless buttoned down shirt. :D

dinner and gossip at jia xiang mian before heading home!
had this mini scare cause there was a delay due to track fault .______________.
but heng la, did reach home without having to break windows ;p

dreams

a dream is a wish your heart makes, when you're fast asleep.
in dreams you will lose your heartaches, whatever you wish for you keep
have faith in your dreams and someday, your rainbow will come smiling through

no matter how your heart is grieving, if you keep on believing

the dream that you wish will come true

who doesnt have dreams?

since young i've dreamed of being a teacher or a doctor.
there were others too; paramedic, nurse, cook.
but these two were my real and still valid considerations.
actually thinking about it, 3 out of 5 are linked to healthcare, hahah.

family influence is a v strong factor for me :B
i've both heard and witnessed my uncle and aunts' experiences at work.
it inspired me because they helped people at critical moments with their professionalism.
its definitely not about the glory that the job title gives, definitely not.

but this dream is not easy to achieve.

the thing is, i got back my previous module's results today evening, and was happy like crazyyy.
cause with this decisive grade, my GPA finally meets the requirements for Aus medicine school.(!)
at least at this point of time la. :x

so i told myself,
i really need to focus and put in more effort to not just maintain, but try pull it even higher.
and its not going to be easy cause i've heard year three modules are gonna be very taxing.
but i will try my very best; that i promise myself and those who believe in me. :)

and then the very happy me decided to check local med schools to view their entry requirements.
because well, overseas med school will cost a bomb.
local is still bombastic but on a smaller scale. so just see see la.

which was kind of a wrong move. cause it demoralised me quite abit.

seems like smaller bombs has more requirements to fulfill.

lets compare, shall we?

both are postgraduate courses, and require MCAT entrance exams and an interview.
and thats were the similarities end.

Aus MS states the minimum GPA required.
Local MS? omg they dont even state. they just tell you outstanding achievements.
plus testimonials/ reference letters from 3 - 5 mentors highlighting capabilities are needed.

dafuq.

i'm an okay student; i started out really well, but slipped along the way during sec 3.
its kind of a regret for me; i shouldnt have gotten distracted, shouldnt have gotten demoralised.
i should have carried on mugging and not cared about how my marks paled in comparison to others.
i should have continued being a geek :B

i dont regret where it has taken me though,
because i came out a stronger person with my own (sometimes stubborn) principles.
and i've come to meet some of the most important people in my life right now (:

but i just cant help thinking how it would have been less of a war if i hadnt slipped.
how things would have gone if i had performed as what was expected.
how i would have proven my uncle right.
he actually mentioned that he thought i had the potential to go MS, and take over his clinic one day.

it sucks to know that i proved him wrong ):

i can only thank goodness my parents never blamed me for sliding.
they've always trusted us to do our best, to make whatever we can of our abilities. (:

but okay, enough of the what ifs and should haves.
- switches on positive thinking -

when you wish upon a star, makes no difference who you are
anything your heart desires will come to you
if your heart is in your dream, no request is too extreme
when you wish upon a star, as dreamers do

must must must grab hold of this opportunity when it is still possible.

must must remember that it is never too late; there's still hope.

must achieve my dream no matter how hard it may take. :D

jiayou jingting! xD

happy birthday Wayne!

wahahah the second youngest in our clique to turn 21 !
wishing you all the best in everything you do,
and most importantly, stay happy and healthy (:
__________________________________________________________________________

awesome day spent with clique.
some minor hiccups in the plan but everything worked out in the end.
and wayne managed to complete our very evil dare - hugging 3 people :B
the staff at tom's palette was quite steady enough to help, hahah.

speaking of tom's palette, zomg their flavors for halloween is so unique!
there was toxic matter - some blue yellow potion looking thing.
and RIP Red Velvet - they placed sticks and chocolate spiders t deco.
both tasted quite nice but i loved RIP more :D

k session was damn fun too,
zomg seriously gangnam style seems like the tradition for us now. :x
and teoheng might be cheap,
but i prefer places like k suites or topone cause the sound system is way better.

just a simple but fulfilling day like this makes me damn happy,
really, quality time is priceless. (:

Made of Stone - Evanescence

Speak your mind, like I care
I can see your lips moving
I've just learned not to hear

Don't waste your time

Its never enough for you, baby
Don't want to play your game anymore
no matter what you say
I'm all out of love for you, baby
and now that I've tried everything
I'll numb the pain till I am made of stone

Take your time
I'm not scared
Make me everything you need me to be
so the judgement seems fair

Don't waste your time

Its never enough for you, baby
Don't want to play your game anymore
no matter what you say
I'm all out of love for you, baby
and now that I've tried everything

I'll numb the pain till I am made
to tear out my heart
for the way that it feels
I will still remember when you've long forgotten me

Its never enough for you, baby
Don't want to play your game anymore
no matter what you say
I'm all out of love for you, baby
and now that I've tried everything
I'll numb the pain till I am made of stone

satisfaction

awesome max saturday cause i managed to accomplish some tasks. :D

its a surprise; all i can say is, its a productive evening :B

struck aston's off my list of places to try!
initially planned on going everything with fries at katong.
but two people psycho-ed and tempted my inner aunty.
they say astons more worth it, and nice. so okay steady, switch.

my wallet says thank you and my tummy says its happy.
now i'm in love with the ice chocolate and baked potato. hahaha !

and satisfied my craving for awfully chocolate's hei ice cream too!
the bittersweet dark chocolate is absolute heaven.
kinda pricey, but okay la, to indulge once in awhile. :D

____________________________________________________________________________

my beloved beats earpiece (which came with my HTC) died today,
super sad cause this means no more good quality bass.
cant believe it spoilt so suddenly, and quite fast also cause its not even a year.
this is despite the care and concern i show it . :x

got myself a replacement - audio technica's cube earpiece.
considering if i should get heartbeats v.2 by lady gaga.
21st birthday present for myself. :D

detest

de·test
verb (used with object)
to feel abhorrence of; hate; dislike intensely.

each person has their own piss-off point.
we're all different, and we are entitled to our own point of view.

so what do i detest?

fake people.

never judge a book by its cover.
seriously, really.

someone who seems friendly may be the most lonely person.
having many friends does not signify anything. at all.
not unless you true to every single one of them.

your promises sound so steady, so onz,
but they are all but empty words.
what are words if you dont really mean them when you say them?

you smile, you laugh and you are so damn nice it seems unreal.
maybe it really is.

why is there a need to lie, to act, to deceive?
is it really that hard to be honest?

white lies i can understand.
but how pure are your real intentions?

corruption

i rmb on one of our trips to genting, something major happened at the customs.
pearlyn's passport kena denied by the immigration officer at the msia side.
cause it still had her baby photo, and she didnt update cause it was one year more to the expiry.

jh tried explaining to the woman, who was unsympathetic and didnt listen, and she got pissed mad.
seriously, if singapore immigration let us through, who are you to disagree?!
things got to the point where ahsai had to go up to the main office to see their in-charge.

i accompanied her there, and the in-charge kept asking ahsai for her IC.
which she obviously didnt have cause she wasnt even 16 yet.
she did have her ezlink card, thank goodness, which showed her IC no. and pic.
but you know what. the woman refused and said it wasnt enough proof !
like wtf, i put both the passport and ezlink side by side to show her the IC no.s are same.
and she still insisted that ahsai go back to singapore.

think i relentlessly persisted for 20 mins before they reluctantly agreed to let her pass.
i still had to tell them tt ahsai's parents were overseas, she no home to go back to (LOL), etc.
like really, why is it that they refuse to accept a logical explaination,
even when i have proof of ahsai's identity in the form of her ezlink card?

and now it suddenly dawned on me.
they were probably expecting something from us.
something that we might give in the moment of desperation. $_$


Quis custodiet ipsos custodes?

who will guard the guards?

perseverance

attended Wayne's commissioning parade today with cliff.
both of them are officially officers now !
feeling so happy and proud for them,
cause they went through nine months of shit and came out shining. literally :D

to lead, to excel, to overcome.
with perseverance, anything can be possible.

how very true (:
______________________________________________________________________

it takes a certain kind of stubbornness, a streak of strength,
to insist upon something that you deem worth holding on to.

my job is kinda shit cause patients pick on me and i kena maligned a lot.
patients refuse to listen, take my strictness for attitude.
but my colleagues make it worthwhile cause they are awesome people to work with.
we protect and take care of each other; our backs and butts are covered.
other than the job stability, they are the main reason i stay.

which is enough (:

rants.

a general rant cause i'm quite tired of people behaving like absolute shitheads.

1. smokers

number one kind of people i hate the most.
they smoke everywhere. EVERYWHERE.
they dont care how they're making others smell their cigs second hand. not even their BABIES.
yes i've seen parents who smoke while carrying their infant child.
they litter their cig butts all over the place.
anywhere they can smoke without risking the smoke alarm, they will.
some of them just light up and walk and walk and walk.
hello idiot, can you just stay in one place and finish it up?
instead of spreading it around the surroundings.

if it wasnt a crime to tackle their cigs, i totally would.
knock it out of their hands, pour water over it, i would.

seriously i wish someone could invent a portable smoking bubble.
make all smokers wear that over their heads and inhale every single shred of toxins.
this kind of air, no need to share. you can keep it to yourselves, tyvm.

i've always hated smoking, and even my relatives are scared of my constant nagging.
they avoid lighting up next to me, lolol. cause my niams are indeed v powerful, :B
my hatred of smoking has intensified, ever since it took away someone very important to me.
and i dont want history to repeat again. so i niam more.
thankfully now my dad is smoke-free. :D

now if only i could burn all the tobacco in the world..

2. rude drivers.

i curse and swear A LOT in the car.
now i finally understand why people yearn to remove their probation plate. -.-

because even when its other vehicles blocking MY way, I WILL KENA HORN.
i want to cut lane, people speed up to avoid having to give way.
and for some reason idk why, vehicles tailgate me like they're spies.

wtf its to the extent i feel like installing a pop-up middle finger on my car.
you know, i press a button and this giant middle finger raises to show my opinion?

sorta links me to the next topic.

3. rude people.

they are everywhere! be it patients or passerbys, they are getting ruder by the second.
okay its kinda exaggarating, but its super frustrating and driving me nuts.
acting all high and mighty,
full of self-righteousness and forever thinking that they're right.
super no manners one.

there are people who can step on my shoes and say nothing.
crowd around mrt doors so that they can chiong for seats once they enter.
make a mistake with queue numbers and blame me (!)
throw their bloody forms at me (!!)
bang into me while i'm just standing aside, and TSK ME (!!!)

can i throw moral education textbooks at them?
and they criticise OUR generation for being rude. pot calling kettle black please.

4. people with double standards.

ahahaha i am thinking of specific people when i write this.

like DAMN. what do you mean, i HAVE to do it for you?
you didnt say that? wow, then why did you throw a bitch fit the moment i said no?
then what do you mean, you always do everything for me?

why must everything go according to your plan, when its my life?
why can you do it while others cant?

i have never understood this kind of warped logic.

5. people who block the way.

drivers and pedestrians included.

5 guys, 1 road.
you'd think at least 1 of them could have the decency to step to the side/front so that people can pass.
but apparently they're doing some catwalk or movie shoot and cant be broken up.

yup thats right, they expect people to step on the grass just because their brotherhood is tt strong.

________________________________________________________________________________

went out with ahpok after his work.
we went on a food adventure again, hahaha.
this time, he recommended Karu's Curry
its all the way at .. upper bukit timah road omg hahahah.

the great lengths we go just to try food. :D
and eh i didnt drive hor ! purely public transport.
sometimes i wonder why i take my license for also, HAHAH.
i really dont like to drive to far places laaaa.

the previous time we did that was to go all the way to thomson road for Yureka Teppanyaki
managed to find the place only at the second try cause no specific directions where given. :x
and the food wasnt anything very awesome. plus kinda pricey. :x

but but Karu's Curry really very worth the trip!
imagine refillable nasi briyani. OMG GLUTTON'S DREAM *drools*
and each person only pays a freaking $3.20 for that okay.
outside stalls sell briyani for $6. seems like daylight robbery if you compare like that LOL.
the masala chicken was also damn nice, i love love the chilli.
okay whoever knows me well knows i cant resist chilli. hehehe.
and did i mention the pappadum which wasnt oily at all? :D

me and ahpok ate 2 servings each. bwahaha.

oh and the only bad thing is, you smell like indian food after going cause of the aircon. :xx

definitely going to go back someday,
hopefully with my parents cause
1. dad can drive, and
2. mom loves nasi briyani. plus its so cheap, even if she only takes one serving still worth :B

uber long post today.
tmr's a sunday, and i'm going brunch with the clique girls ! ♥

PSLE

which was deemed officially over by my youngest sister today.

in the past nine years I've never once seen her study so hard.
she occasionally would give in to temptation la;
trying to fit into the sofa while we were watching tv.
sadly she fail. kena niam and kicked back into the room HAHAH.

but she herself requested her tuition teacher for extra hours.
three hours of tuition in one go. omg hiong siao.
and after tuition she'd revise some more.

like i said to her that day. "I see you stress I feel very happy"
its really heartening to see my youngest sister finally putting in some effort in her studies.
in the past its always alot of scolding, kneeling (as her punishment),
and especially crying when her results come back as borderline pass/fail.
she'd always say she will start to study, blah blah, but each time its the same.

this time, we all witnessed her effort. :D
dont know if her last minute sprint will yield any results yet,
but its at least comforting to know that she did do the best she can.

its been nine years since my own PSLE.
honestly saying, within this short decade,
the general attitude towards Singapore's education has changed vastly.

kids nowadays are learning more than I did at the same age.
they start enrichment classes and whatnot when they were really young.
and what i was doing at age 4 was playing masak-masak. LOL.

is it really necessary to remove the element of fun from their childhood? :/

parents are complaining that PSLE is placing too much stress on the students,
calling for a change in the system, a total removal of PSLE.

which is total crap.

in my opinion, the reason behind the stress does not come from the exams itself.
but mostly from the kiasu parents who have pushed their kids to the limit and probably beyond.
with expectations soaring and comparisions flying,
how do you expect students of now to not feel stressed?

and stress is not always a bad thing, as exemplified by my sister.
it compels her to work hard, to give all she has got.
the key is BALANCE.

parents should probably reflect upon how their kiasu attitudes are affecting the younger generation.
yes, everyone wants success. but to what extent?

without PSLE, how will there be a fair system when enrolling for secondary schools?
without PSLE, how will students understand the stress of sitting for O/N/A levels?
without PSLE, how will schools set their standards for students?

and most importantly, no PSLE means no more aggregate to compare!
omg thats like a tradition among students, its such an important ice-breaking qns leh. :D

so yes i hope they never abolish PSLE,
cause if not next time how i haolian to my kids about my aggregate score? :B

complications

does life automatically come with problems,
or do we simply love to complicate life?

good intentions can be twisted and warped into malice.
something so simple may be perceived as having hidden intentions.
while acts of concern may hide ulterior motives.

nobody is innocent.

everybody's waiting for you to breakdown
everybody's watching to see the fall out
even when you're sleeping, 
keep your eyes open.

the world's a vicious cycle.
we trust, we hurt, and we sometimes choose not to see, hear or feel.
sometimes we care too much, think too much.
but we're only human.

_________________________________________________________________________


dinner at changi city point's spaghetti goemon.
been craving it for some time and i finally managed to psycho jh, bowei and jx t go with me.
verdict? disappointed.

its not my first time at spaghetti goemon; i've had it at the citylink mall's branch. twice at least.
the food there was awesome max, but apparently they didnt meet standards at CCP's.
they actually changed the menu too. my favourite cheesecake isnt available anymore ):
the pasta was kinda hard, and dessert was just gross.
you'd think nothing could go wrong with mango pudding but they proved tt wrong :x
plus service sucks.

so nah, if you ask me, i'd rather travel further to enjoy my food than go back to CCP's.

_________________________________________________________________________

sometimes hope is required to keep you going,
but there are some things that i simply dont even dare to hope for.
because knowing that it can never happen, just kills me.

change

if happy ever after did exist,
i would still be holding you like this.
but all those fairytales are full of shit.
one more stupid love song; i'll be sick.

isnt it weird how life can change in an instant?
one stupid action is enough to wipe out and flip my week around.

i'm brilliantly stupid like that.

Battlefield by Jordin Sparks

Don't try to explain your mind
I know what's happening here
One minute it's love
And suddenly it's like a battlefield

One word turns into a war
Why is it the smallest things that tear us down?
My world's nothing when you don't
I'm not here without a shield
Can't go back now

Both hands, tied behind my back with nothing
Oh no, these times when we climb so fast to fall again
Why we gotta fall for it now

I never meant to start a war
You know I never wanna hurt you
Don't even know what we're fighting for

Why does love always feel like a battlefield
A battlefield, a battlefield?
Why does love always feel like a battlefield
A battlefield, a battlefield?
Why does love always feel like

Can't swallow our pride
Neither of us wanna raise that flag
If we can't surrender then we both gonna lose
What we had, oh no

Both hands tied behind my back with nothing
Oh no, these times when we climb so fast to fall again
I don't wanna fall for it now

I never meant to start a war
You know I never wanna hurt you
Don't even know what we're fighting for

Why does love always feel like a battlefield
A battlefield, a battlefield?
Why does love always feel like a battlefield
A battlefield, a battlefield?

I guess you better go and get your armor
Get your armor
I guess you better go and get your armor
Get your armor

We could pretend that we are friends tonight
And in the morning we'll wake up and we'll be alright
'Cause baby, we don't have to fight
And I don't want this love to feel like

A battlefield, a battlefield, a battlefield
Why does love always feel like a battlefield
A battlefield, a battlefield

I guess you better go and get your armor

I never meant to start a war
You know I never wanna hurt you
Don't even know what we're fighting for
(Fighting, fighting for)

Why does love always feel like a battlefield
A battlefield, a battlefield?
Why does love always feel like a battlefield
A battlefield, a battlefield?

I guess you better go and get your armor
Get your armor
I guess you better go and get your armor
Get your armor

Why does love always feel like?
Why does love always feel like?
A battlefield, a battlefield

I never meant to start a war
Don't even know what we're fighting for
I never meant to start a war
Don't even know what we're fighting for

conflicts

when intentions collide
when lines are crossed
when borders blur
when directions are no longer valid
when you're feeling lost.

what do you fucking do?

when life gives you lemons

no one ever said life was easy.
everyone will face problems, dilemmas and situations.
but its really how an individual would react, which defines how their lives are going to be.

a positive reaction is to face the challenge and try overcome it.
telling yourself that you'd have to tackle this problem and nip the root in the bud.
thinking of the possible solutions and choosing the best option.
you will never know, cause miracles may happen (:

sure, there is a possibility that you might fail.
but at the very least, you are able to look back and tell yourself you've tried your best.
everything happens for a reason,
and failure is often the best way to learn.

ask for advice, but listen to your own heart as well.
never ever follow blindly, because ultimately the decision should be your own.
its never right to blame others for the outcome, if it turns out to be undesirable.

keep calm and think.
people can be your listening ear, but never your punching bag.
they are not the source of your troubles,
they are offering you support. so they dont deserve verbal abuse.

the worst way to handle, is probably to run away.
avoidance is never the answer; often, matters are made worse.
and it only goes to show how weak you are in the face of adversity.
you will never learn, and you will never improve.

thats when you feel life is pointless, unfair and not worth fighting for.

so keep on keeping on.
remember that no one is born unlucky, no one is born with all the knowledge in the world.
we learn from mistakes and experiences.
we learn how to handle what life gives us.
we learn how to find ourselves.

we learn how to make lemonade! :D

ORD / LEAVE LO

14th september 2012, important day for both me and ahpok ! :D
okay for me not so much, just that i finally start block leave! and finish exam. hehehe.
its been a long while since i've not had to juggle both responsibilities
and i've been looking forward to my rest day for soooooo long.
i think i deserved it :B



penguin + chick nails to celebrate my block leave! CUTE RIGHT .

but yeah lets move on to the main highlight; ahpok's ORD!

we agreed to meet outside his camp, but i left out the fact tt i'd be driving there.
ever since i got my license he's been joking about me fetching him.
kinda impossible cause my family car is an OPC, and i usually have work.
but today's an exception (:

AND OMG I FREAKED OUT TRYING TO GO THERE.
i dont like to drive on expressways cause they look almost the same.
and i have this fear of cutting lanes, and even worse, missing the exit wtf.
-shudders-
i'm quite happy driving around small areas at the moment, thank you.

waited quite awhile for his paperwork to be done. and by awhile i meant 1 hour plus. :x
but its worth it cause his bloody epic drop jaw expression when i honked at him, LOL.
thats why i love surprising people cause its fun to see their reaction.
and of course, that burst of sudden happiness can really brighten a gloomy day. (:

when he happily showed me his pink ic, plaque and testimonial,
really at that moment its like HELL YEAH ORD LO.
ahpok i know my expression didnt show much cause i was focused on the road LOL.

often, many people say that relationships are unable to withstand the test of NS.
due to much time apart and maybe changes in character.

for us i guess it was relatively easy, cause i'm lucky to be a storeman's girlfriend HAHAH.
and we've never been those kind of niam ti ti couples so i guess its not bad.
the only time i really did miss him hell lots was during his field camp.
totally no contact, and the thought of him in a jungle is just damn worrying.
ahpok is super blur and a directional idiot, so my worries are valid lor! :x

but he came back safe and sound, v thankful for that. (:

though his vocation as chef storeman at CTP functions platoon was quite lepak,
i'm proud of him cause he took pride in his work.
to the extent that he earned an outstanding testimonial from his superiors. :D
he never once complained about how being a storeman wasnt a big deal,
he just did his job like he was supposed to, sometimes even going the extra mile.
like seriously, his encik can call him on his off-day, just to do menu design. ._.

and for that i'm glad that NS didnt twist my bf's character, unlike some people i've heard,
but instead showed me how dedicated he can be to his responsibilities (:
as a matter of fact i think his character has changed positively,
and i'm glad for that.

14th september, ORD LO ! :D

musings

sometimes i amaze myself.

terrible week at work, with every morning hitting past the 250 mark.
on top of coping with the patients, i now have to do the admin stuff as well. :/
which is only after the patients have cleared, and usually eats into my lunch time.

and today, September 7th, whoohoo to us, we finally officially hit the L300 mark -.-
seriously in my one year i have NEVER EVER seen 300. never.
its simply too crazy.

and i dont even want to think about tmr.
Saturday is usually the busiest day of the week, but judging by the trend...
i'll be glad if i can leave by 12.30.

but yeah, moral of the story?
i myself wonder why i stick to my job even through this shit.
me and my colleagues joke about throwing our resignation letters, flipping tables,
or packing up and leaving when the patients start bitching and the waiting Q numbers get too high.
my blood pressure is in proportion to the numbers, LOL.
but yeah, i really dont know why i never thought of giving up.
like there isnt once where i've considered resigning at all.

why ah?

-serious reflection in progress-

cause i depend on this job to fund my degree?
cause my colleagues are awesome and i cant bear to abandon them?
cause i like the stability of being familiar with the environment around me?
cause i appreciate the convenience of my workplace?
cause i like helping patients?

okay cancel the last one out.
i love the feeling when i know i've managed to help patients
especially the elderly, and those appreciative people i've met (:
but i dont actively try to help every single one i meet cause some are just downright fucked up.
so yeah i dont think i'm actually considered a good samaritan yet. HAHAH.

what do i stand for?

my shoulders are getting heavier :(

finally allowing myself some time to blog !
need some place to rant before i actually blow up.
its been a really stressed up and screwed up past 2 weeks, with this week being the worse ever.

work's a bitch
responsibilities are increasing and i'm trying my very best to cope.
hopefully i can adjust and get used to being entrusted with stuff. :/
its not easy transiting from a junior to being expected to know almost everything in such a short while
like within 1 month? !@#$%^

and it sucks to have a stupid temp from geylang who is so weirddddd.
in front of patients she says stupid things which leave a bad impression of the lab.
e.g. "uncle ah, you be careful ah, i scared i poke you"
      "wait ah i better check, scarly they make mistakes"
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME, it is our job and responsibility to be careful.
you dont tell the patient to watch out for your mistakes !
you're causing our patients to not trust us and insulting our professionalism -.-
best part? she has more than 15 years worth of experience under her belt and still saying such rubbish.
and omg i even have to tell her to help process samples wtf.
if not she's just sitting there, not doing anything -.-

today was most extreme, the phlebotomists were so damn slowwwwww.
i ran round like a headless (naked) chicken, trying t do fingerpricks and give results, and omg.
i had set up a makeshift phlebotomy station in the ecg room to clear patients
yeap, its that bad. *pulls hair*

and i feel like i'm lagging behind in studies.
cause i'm forever tired and not able to focus :(((((

but i will try my very best (:

anyway, just got back from jazz's 21st celebration at mbs, her parents booked a suite for her :o
i finally got to meet ruiting! havent seen her since her own 21st in feb.
kinda awesome to catch up with her, miss those times where we walked home after dance (:

and met some of my sec 4 classmates, who havent seen me since 4 years ago.
most of them didnt even recognize me; case in point, one of them whom i knew since sec 1.
he was right in front of me and did a double take when realisation hit.
its kinda funny, but its like, at tt point, i know i've indeed changed alot since 4 years ago.

but hey, change is good.
it allows you to hide from people you dont wanna acknowledge either, LOL.
example, another sec 1 classmate, whom i really really detest,
her character is super authoritative,
but main reason was cause she kept psycho-ing me to join her church.
and when i rejected her countless times, she actually accused me of not having time for God.
BITCH PLEASE I'M NOT EVEN A CHRISTIAN. ever heard of free will?
super dont like people who are overzealous about religion and keep trying to convert people -.-

anyway my point is, she did look at me few times in the eye,
but she didnt know how t cfm my identity, heheh.
BUT eventually she still did find out, by nudging minyu and asking in a very fake manner.
"eh eh, your friend v v v familiar eh, she's the who who who ah?"
and then she patted my back and said "its good to see you again after so long"
so fake please, even minyu also felt tt she wasnt sincere. bwahah trust the bystander :D

but yeah, apart from suprising and avoiding people,
most of the time was camwhoring and getting interviewed. :D

and sometimes, i like being asked about what i'm doing.
its such a sure-ask topic and the best polite question either,
but in some sense, it gives me the opportunity to reflect back on my achievements.
its like they're asking me what i am proud of, to be who i am today.
and i'm glad tt there is at least something to my name,
which is the ability to juggle work and school, and my vampiric ability :B.
and that i know where i'd want to see myself achieve.

one classmate commented on how long i havent seen them, and said that i got lost.
THIS IS ANOTHER BITCH PLEASE.
same guy who randomly called me when i was in year 2 , and asked if i wanted to go clubbing -.-
same guy who asked me which poly i wanted to go when we got back prelim results.
was so pissed i told him, I am not lost. I simply chose to leave and go a different direction.

seriously i'm ashamed to admit i came from ahs.
the mentality there is fucking screwed up. go JC is natural, go poly is fail.

WELL, LOOK AT ME NOW.
I dont feel like a failure, cause i know i'm a fighter. (:

Forever and Always by Parachute

She's sitting at the table, the hours get later
He was supposed to be here
She's sure he would have called
She waits a little longer, there's no one in the driveway
No one's said they've seen him
Why, is something wrong?
She looks back to the window
Suddenly the phone rings
A voice says something's happened
That she should come right now
Her mind goes to December
She thinks of when he asked her
He bent down on his knees first
And he said

I want you forever, forever and always
Through the good and the bad and the ugly
We'll grow old together
Forever and always

She pulls up to the entrance
She walks right to the front desk
They lead her down a million halls, a maze that's never ending
They talk about what happened but she can barely hear them
She tries to keep a straight face as she walks into the room
She sits by his bedside, holds his hand too tight
They talk about the kids they're gonna have and the good life
The house on the hillside, where they would stay

Stay there forever, forever and always
Through the good and the bad and the ugly
We'll grow old together, and always remember
Whether rich or for poor or for better
We'll still love each other, forever and always

Then she gets an idea and calls in the nurses
Brings up the chaplain and he says a couple verses
She borrows some rings from the couple next door
Everybody's laughing as the tears fall on the floor
She looks into his eyes, and she says

I want you forever, forever and always
Through the good and the bad and the ugly
We'll grow old together, and always remember
Whether happy or sad or whatever
We'll still love each other, forever and always
Forever and always, forever and always

She finishes the vows but the beeps are getting too slow
His voice is almost too low
As he says,

I love you forever, forever and always
Please just remember even if I'm not there
I'll always love you, forever and always

范玮琪 - 黑白配

太阳晒的我 眼睛睁不开
你的好脾气
让我心情坏不起来
下雨下的我 眼神发呆
你的道歉
听着听着我都快要笑出来

谁说不能黑白配
世界上没有什么事
能够如此的绝对
曾经有人这样唱过
白天它不懂夜的黑
你却懂得我的美

有时候我会 感觉非常累
有时候也会 不知觉把你拖累
你有时会说 我们不配
只要能依偎
真的真的我什么都无所谓

谁说不能黑白配
世界上没有什么事
能够如此的绝对
曾经有人这样唱过
白天它不懂夜的黑
你却懂得我的美

钢琴也是黑白键
一样能看出我对你
只有满满的感谢

也许黑永远不明白
在这个彩色的世界
有你我才会存在

The Fighter - Gym Class Heroes x Ryan Tedder

If you fall pick yourself up off the floor
And when your bones can't take no more
Just remember what you're here for
'Cause I know I'm a damn sure

Give 'em hell, turn their heads
Gonna live life 'til we're dead
Give me scars, give me pain
Then they'll say to me, say to me, say to me

There goes a fighter, there goes a fighter
Here comes a fighter
That's what they'll say to me, say to me, say to me
This one's a fighter

viva dasant. live dance ♥

went for my first ever dance lesson in a long long long while with bimb!
song? B2st's beautiful night.not exactly a kpop fan but the song is nice. :D

omg i have some hand and leg coordination problems hahaha.
cause i tend to rmb steps from previous performances i've done.
so i end up doing some different stuff LOL.
gonna practice more so i can do it perfect ! teehee.

and the instructor is really good, cause he saw tt i had some problems
and he kindly went thru a final time even after he officially ended class. (Y)

really missed the sort of freedom which comes from dance.
i didnt really care about how people would look or judge,
just moving along to the music.
and the sort of energy you can put into your moves.
its just really fun, and brings back alot of those memories back when i was in dance.

best performance ever? i'd rank syf 2007.
love love the creative concept of dancing with.. laptops and computer chairs.
not real laptops la! but props which we painstakingly made.
spray painted a pear on the cover and pasted windows XP desktop LOLOLOL.
and yes, real computer chairs with wheels.
did i mention we did handstands and stunts on them? :D

most fun performance ever? teacher's day 2007.
the one we seniors choreographed by ourselves.
bwahaha again we played on chairs. omg step on the edge and purposely bring it down.
and the mini skit LOL. so fun. ;)

miss the many rehearsals where we practised like mad and had fun like mad too.
we complain and we kena tekan, but its all good.
and in the end we feel so satisfied with our final performance
when we take the stage and enjoy the limelight.
yeah, other than when giving presentation/doing debate,
thats when i enjoy being in the spotlight.

other than that i'm a pretty shy person.

till you really get to know me. HAHAH.

love like you've never been hurt, dance like nobody's watching. 

Lighters - Bruno Mars x Eminem.

You and I know, what it's like to be kicked down, forced to fight
But tonight we're alright, so hold up your lights
Let it shine

Cause this was for you and me, living out our dreams
We are right where we should be
Lift my arms out wide, I open my eyes
And now all I wanna see, is a sky full of lighters
A sky full of lighters

ouch

the kind of pain that contradicts and will never be understood.

进退维谷

stranger (?)

You can get addicted to a certain kind of sadness

Like resignation to the end, always the end

So when we found that we could not make sense

Well you said that we would still be friends

But I'll admit that I was glad it was over

But you didn't have to cut me off

Make out like it never happened and that we were nothing

And I don't even need your love

But you treat me like a stranger and that feels so rough

No you didn't have to stoop so low

Have your friends collect your records and then change your number

I guess that I don't need that though

Now you're just somebody that I used to know

lyrics to this song that i used to dislike. 

didnt like the tune at first, but radio 91.3 kept spamming it and i started listening to the lyrics.

instant like hahaha. guess i'm suay kuan like that.

songs without meaning is just.. noise. 

which is actually majority of the songs now. :/

and..
i sometimes wonder, about the transition of stages in friendship.
its a cycle really, from stranger to friends and if you're not careful, back to stranger in the end.

some connection weakens and deadens and disintegrates. why?
is it because people stop trying?
or its because someone tried too hard?

but i guess what makes it worse, is that memories dont ever fade.


some friends i lost contact with, due to distance.
others i chose not to contact them, cause i felt that they've changed.
but in truth, i cannot deny the mark that they have left in my life.
and who knows? they might have thought that i'm the one who has changed instead.

human interaction is complicated indeed. :x

effort

found 2 pieces of work from when i was taking freehand drawing as a elective. <3

painstakingly dotted on the shades, really proud of my work and patience :D

lost.

at a loss for words.

no idea what to do.

not a clue as to what my next step should be either.

a thin thin line.

edit: BAH, I KNEW IT. I KNEW THIS WOULD HAPPEN.

SOMETIMES REALLY, I JUST REGRET MY DECISION SO DAMN FUCKING MUCH.
SO PISSED I COULD SMASH SOMETHING RIGHT NOW.

FUCK YOUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU.

sometimes this is enough (:

PBL dinner ytd evening! 

it was such a last minute thing, but i'm really damn happy that we managed to make it.

went to MOF のMy Izakaya, 

and wtf saw levon and lzl there as they were leaving. small world much? :D

the guys went shopping for their formal wear after.

zomg i swear, i'm glad t be a girl cause menswear is just too bloody expensive.

one guy's blazer can buy three of mine LOL.

didnt wanna go home yet so we tried to think of places to lepak.

we suck at nightlife; no place we could decide on, even though we had cars.

thats quite pathetic if you think abt it :x

by a twist of events we ended up exploring TP. LOL.

my forever favourite school; temasek polytechnic <3

going there evokes countless memories sia. 

even though some of the buildings are no longer the same, 

just being there is one of the happiest feelings i can ever imagine.

its like almost every nook and cranny holds some part of me. (:

till now i have never regretted going tp.

cause what i've gained from that decision is irreplaceable; not by any degree i could have had.

yes life might have been much easier than now,

but i am determined that these tripping stones WILL be stepping stones instead. :)

i'd rather go through hardships with awesome people supporting me 

than to endure a smooth but solitary journey.

its like never going back to ajisan ramen after going to ramenplay LOL.

<3 clique

and so in the end, i still gave in. 

was so determined not to bother or care, but i guess i just missed them too much :x

so much for my insistence >.<