Battlefield by Jordin Sparks

Don't try to explain your mind
I know what's happening here
One minute it's love
And suddenly it's like a battlefield

One word turns into a war
Why is it the smallest things that tear us down?
My world's nothing when you don't
I'm not here without a shield
Can't go back now

Both hands, tied behind my back with nothing
Oh no, these times when we climb so fast to fall again
Why we gotta fall for it now

I never meant to start a war
You know I never wanna hurt you
Don't even know what we're fighting for

Why does love always feel like a battlefield
A battlefield, a battlefield?
Why does love always feel like a battlefield
A battlefield, a battlefield?
Why does love always feel like

Can't swallow our pride
Neither of us wanna raise that flag
If we can't surrender then we both gonna lose
What we had, oh no

Both hands tied behind my back with nothing
Oh no, these times when we climb so fast to fall again
I don't wanna fall for it now

I never meant to start a war
You know I never wanna hurt you
Don't even know what we're fighting for

Why does love always feel like a battlefield
A battlefield, a battlefield?
Why does love always feel like a battlefield
A battlefield, a battlefield?

I guess you better go and get your armor
Get your armor
I guess you better go and get your armor
Get your armor

We could pretend that we are friends tonight
And in the morning we'll wake up and we'll be alright
'Cause baby, we don't have to fight
And I don't want this love to feel like

A battlefield, a battlefield, a battlefield
Why does love always feel like a battlefield
A battlefield, a battlefield

I guess you better go and get your armor

I never meant to start a war
You know I never wanna hurt you
Don't even know what we're fighting for
(Fighting, fighting for)

Why does love always feel like a battlefield
A battlefield, a battlefield?
Why does love always feel like a battlefield
A battlefield, a battlefield?

I guess you better go and get your armor
Get your armor
I guess you better go and get your armor
Get your armor

Why does love always feel like?
Why does love always feel like?
A battlefield, a battlefield

I never meant to start a war
Don't even know what we're fighting for
I never meant to start a war
Don't even know what we're fighting for

conflicts

when intentions collide
when lines are crossed
when borders blur
when directions are no longer valid
when you're feeling lost.

what do you fucking do?

when life gives you lemons

no one ever said life was easy.
everyone will face problems, dilemmas and situations.
but its really how an individual would react, which defines how their lives are going to be.

a positive reaction is to face the challenge and try overcome it.
telling yourself that you'd have to tackle this problem and nip the root in the bud.
thinking of the possible solutions and choosing the best option.
you will never know, cause miracles may happen (:

sure, there is a possibility that you might fail.
but at the very least, you are able to look back and tell yourself you've tried your best.
everything happens for a reason,
and failure is often the best way to learn.

ask for advice, but listen to your own heart as well.
never ever follow blindly, because ultimately the decision should be your own.
its never right to blame others for the outcome, if it turns out to be undesirable.

keep calm and think.
people can be your listening ear, but never your punching bag.
they are not the source of your troubles,
they are offering you support. so they dont deserve verbal abuse.

the worst way to handle, is probably to run away.
avoidance is never the answer; often, matters are made worse.
and it only goes to show how weak you are in the face of adversity.
you will never learn, and you will never improve.

thats when you feel life is pointless, unfair and not worth fighting for.

so keep on keeping on.
remember that no one is born unlucky, no one is born with all the knowledge in the world.
we learn from mistakes and experiences.
we learn how to handle what life gives us.
we learn how to find ourselves.

we learn how to make lemonade! :D

ORD / LEAVE LO

14th september 2012, important day for both me and ahpok ! :D
okay for me not so much, just that i finally start block leave! and finish exam. hehehe.
its been a long while since i've not had to juggle both responsibilities
and i've been looking forward to my rest day for soooooo long.
i think i deserved it :B



penguin + chick nails to celebrate my block leave! CUTE RIGHT .

but yeah lets move on to the main highlight; ahpok's ORD!

we agreed to meet outside his camp, but i left out the fact tt i'd be driving there.
ever since i got my license he's been joking about me fetching him.
kinda impossible cause my family car is an OPC, and i usually have work.
but today's an exception (:

AND OMG I FREAKED OUT TRYING TO GO THERE.
i dont like to drive on expressways cause they look almost the same.
and i have this fear of cutting lanes, and even worse, missing the exit wtf.
-shudders-
i'm quite happy driving around small areas at the moment, thank you.

waited quite awhile for his paperwork to be done. and by awhile i meant 1 hour plus. :x
but its worth it cause his bloody epic drop jaw expression when i honked at him, LOL.
thats why i love surprising people cause its fun to see their reaction.
and of course, that burst of sudden happiness can really brighten a gloomy day. (:

when he happily showed me his pink ic, plaque and testimonial,
really at that moment its like HELL YEAH ORD LO.
ahpok i know my expression didnt show much cause i was focused on the road LOL.

often, many people say that relationships are unable to withstand the test of NS.
due to much time apart and maybe changes in character.

for us i guess it was relatively easy, cause i'm lucky to be a storeman's girlfriend HAHAH.
and we've never been those kind of niam ti ti couples so i guess its not bad.
the only time i really did miss him hell lots was during his field camp.
totally no contact, and the thought of him in a jungle is just damn worrying.
ahpok is super blur and a directional idiot, so my worries are valid lor! :x

but he came back safe and sound, v thankful for that. (:

though his vocation as chef storeman at CTP functions platoon was quite lepak,
i'm proud of him cause he took pride in his work.
to the extent that he earned an outstanding testimonial from his superiors. :D
he never once complained about how being a storeman wasnt a big deal,
he just did his job like he was supposed to, sometimes even going the extra mile.
like seriously, his encik can call him on his off-day, just to do menu design. ._.

and for that i'm glad that NS didnt twist my bf's character, unlike some people i've heard,
but instead showed me how dedicated he can be to his responsibilities (:
as a matter of fact i think his character has changed positively,
and i'm glad for that.

14th september, ORD LO ! :D

musings

sometimes i amaze myself.

terrible week at work, with every morning hitting past the 250 mark.
on top of coping with the patients, i now have to do the admin stuff as well. :/
which is only after the patients have cleared, and usually eats into my lunch time.

and today, September 7th, whoohoo to us, we finally officially hit the L300 mark -.-
seriously in my one year i have NEVER EVER seen 300. never.
its simply too crazy.

and i dont even want to think about tmr.
Saturday is usually the busiest day of the week, but judging by the trend...
i'll be glad if i can leave by 12.30.

but yeah, moral of the story?
i myself wonder why i stick to my job even through this shit.
me and my colleagues joke about throwing our resignation letters, flipping tables,
or packing up and leaving when the patients start bitching and the waiting Q numbers get too high.
my blood pressure is in proportion to the numbers, LOL.
but yeah, i really dont know why i never thought of giving up.
like there isnt once where i've considered resigning at all.

why ah?

-serious reflection in progress-

cause i depend on this job to fund my degree?
cause my colleagues are awesome and i cant bear to abandon them?
cause i like the stability of being familiar with the environment around me?
cause i appreciate the convenience of my workplace?
cause i like helping patients?

okay cancel the last one out.
i love the feeling when i know i've managed to help patients
especially the elderly, and those appreciative people i've met (:
but i dont actively try to help every single one i meet cause some are just downright fucked up.
so yeah i dont think i'm actually considered a good samaritan yet. HAHAH.

what do i stand for?

my shoulders are getting heavier :(

finally allowing myself some time to blog !
need some place to rant before i actually blow up.
its been a really stressed up and screwed up past 2 weeks, with this week being the worse ever.

work's a bitch
responsibilities are increasing and i'm trying my very best to cope.
hopefully i can adjust and get used to being entrusted with stuff. :/
its not easy transiting from a junior to being expected to know almost everything in such a short while
like within 1 month? !@#$%^

and it sucks to have a stupid temp from geylang who is so weirddddd.
in front of patients she says stupid things which leave a bad impression of the lab.
e.g. "uncle ah, you be careful ah, i scared i poke you"
      "wait ah i better check, scarly they make mistakes"
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME, it is our job and responsibility to be careful.
you dont tell the patient to watch out for your mistakes !
you're causing our patients to not trust us and insulting our professionalism -.-
best part? she has more than 15 years worth of experience under her belt and still saying such rubbish.
and omg i even have to tell her to help process samples wtf.
if not she's just sitting there, not doing anything -.-

today was most extreme, the phlebotomists were so damn slowwwwww.
i ran round like a headless (naked) chicken, trying t do fingerpricks and give results, and omg.
i had set up a makeshift phlebotomy station in the ecg room to clear patients
yeap, its that bad. *pulls hair*

and i feel like i'm lagging behind in studies.
cause i'm forever tired and not able to focus :(((((

but i will try my very best (:

anyway, just got back from jazz's 21st celebration at mbs, her parents booked a suite for her :o
i finally got to meet ruiting! havent seen her since her own 21st in feb.
kinda awesome to catch up with her, miss those times where we walked home after dance (:

and met some of my sec 4 classmates, who havent seen me since 4 years ago.
most of them didnt even recognize me; case in point, one of them whom i knew since sec 1.
he was right in front of me and did a double take when realisation hit.
its kinda funny, but its like, at tt point, i know i've indeed changed alot since 4 years ago.

but hey, change is good.
it allows you to hide from people you dont wanna acknowledge either, LOL.
example, another sec 1 classmate, whom i really really detest,
her character is super authoritative,
but main reason was cause she kept psycho-ing me to join her church.
and when i rejected her countless times, she actually accused me of not having time for God.
BITCH PLEASE I'M NOT EVEN A CHRISTIAN. ever heard of free will?
super dont like people who are overzealous about religion and keep trying to convert people -.-

anyway my point is, she did look at me few times in the eye,
but she didnt know how t cfm my identity, heheh.
BUT eventually she still did find out, by nudging minyu and asking in a very fake manner.
"eh eh, your friend v v v familiar eh, she's the who who who ah?"
and then she patted my back and said "its good to see you again after so long"
so fake please, even minyu also felt tt she wasnt sincere. bwahah trust the bystander :D

but yeah, apart from suprising and avoiding people,
most of the time was camwhoring and getting interviewed. :D

and sometimes, i like being asked about what i'm doing.
its such a sure-ask topic and the best polite question either,
but in some sense, it gives me the opportunity to reflect back on my achievements.
its like they're asking me what i am proud of, to be who i am today.
and i'm glad tt there is at least something to my name,
which is the ability to juggle work and school, and my vampiric ability :B.
and that i know where i'd want to see myself achieve.

one classmate commented on how long i havent seen them, and said that i got lost.
THIS IS ANOTHER BITCH PLEASE.
same guy who randomly called me when i was in year 2 , and asked if i wanted to go clubbing -.-
same guy who asked me which poly i wanted to go when we got back prelim results.
was so pissed i told him, I am not lost. I simply chose to leave and go a different direction.

seriously i'm ashamed to admit i came from ahs.
the mentality there is fucking screwed up. go JC is natural, go poly is fail.

WELL, LOOK AT ME NOW.
I dont feel like a failure, cause i know i'm a fighter. (:

Forever and Always by Parachute

She's sitting at the table, the hours get later
He was supposed to be here
She's sure he would have called
She waits a little longer, there's no one in the driveway
No one's said they've seen him
Why, is something wrong?
She looks back to the window
Suddenly the phone rings
A voice says something's happened
That she should come right now
Her mind goes to December
She thinks of when he asked her
He bent down on his knees first
And he said

I want you forever, forever and always
Through the good and the bad and the ugly
We'll grow old together
Forever and always

She pulls up to the entrance
She walks right to the front desk
They lead her down a million halls, a maze that's never ending
They talk about what happened but she can barely hear them
She tries to keep a straight face as she walks into the room
She sits by his bedside, holds his hand too tight
They talk about the kids they're gonna have and the good life
The house on the hillside, where they would stay

Stay there forever, forever and always
Through the good and the bad and the ugly
We'll grow old together, and always remember
Whether rich or for poor or for better
We'll still love each other, forever and always

Then she gets an idea and calls in the nurses
Brings up the chaplain and he says a couple verses
She borrows some rings from the couple next door
Everybody's laughing as the tears fall on the floor
She looks into his eyes, and she says

I want you forever, forever and always
Through the good and the bad and the ugly
We'll grow old together, and always remember
Whether happy or sad or whatever
We'll still love each other, forever and always
Forever and always, forever and always

She finishes the vows but the beeps are getting too slow
His voice is almost too low
As he says,

I love you forever, forever and always
Please just remember even if I'm not there
I'll always love you, forever and always

范玮琪 - 黑白配

太阳晒的我 眼睛睁不开
你的好脾气
让我心情坏不起来
下雨下的我 眼神发呆
你的道歉
听着听着我都快要笑出来

谁说不能黑白配
世界上没有什么事
能够如此的绝对
曾经有人这样唱过
白天它不懂夜的黑
你却懂得我的美

有时候我会 感觉非常累
有时候也会 不知觉把你拖累
你有时会说 我们不配
只要能依偎
真的真的我什么都无所谓

谁说不能黑白配
世界上没有什么事
能够如此的绝对
曾经有人这样唱过
白天它不懂夜的黑
你却懂得我的美

钢琴也是黑白键
一样能看出我对你
只有满满的感谢

也许黑永远不明白
在这个彩色的世界
有你我才会存在

The Fighter - Gym Class Heroes x Ryan Tedder

If you fall pick yourself up off the floor
And when your bones can't take no more
Just remember what you're here for
'Cause I know I'm a damn sure

Give 'em hell, turn their heads
Gonna live life 'til we're dead
Give me scars, give me pain
Then they'll say to me, say to me, say to me

There goes a fighter, there goes a fighter
Here comes a fighter
That's what they'll say to me, say to me, say to me
This one's a fighter

viva dasant. live dance ♥

went for my first ever dance lesson in a long long long while with bimb!
song? B2st's beautiful night.not exactly a kpop fan but the song is nice. :D

omg i have some hand and leg coordination problems hahaha.
cause i tend to rmb steps from previous performances i've done.
so i end up doing some different stuff LOL.
gonna practice more so i can do it perfect ! teehee.

and the instructor is really good, cause he saw tt i had some problems
and he kindly went thru a final time even after he officially ended class. (Y)

really missed the sort of freedom which comes from dance.
i didnt really care about how people would look or judge,
just moving along to the music.
and the sort of energy you can put into your moves.
its just really fun, and brings back alot of those memories back when i was in dance.

best performance ever? i'd rank syf 2007.
love love the creative concept of dancing with.. laptops and computer chairs.
not real laptops la! but props which we painstakingly made.
spray painted a pear on the cover and pasted windows XP desktop LOLOLOL.
and yes, real computer chairs with wheels.
did i mention we did handstands and stunts on them? :D

most fun performance ever? teacher's day 2007.
the one we seniors choreographed by ourselves.
bwahaha again we played on chairs. omg step on the edge and purposely bring it down.
and the mini skit LOL. so fun. ;)

miss the many rehearsals where we practised like mad and had fun like mad too.
we complain and we kena tekan, but its all good.
and in the end we feel so satisfied with our final performance
when we take the stage and enjoy the limelight.
yeah, other than when giving presentation/doing debate,
thats when i enjoy being in the spotlight.

other than that i'm a pretty shy person.

till you really get to know me. HAHAH.

love like you've never been hurt, dance like nobody's watching. 

Lighters - Bruno Mars x Eminem.

You and I know, what it's like to be kicked down, forced to fight
But tonight we're alright, so hold up your lights
Let it shine

Cause this was for you and me, living out our dreams
We are right where we should be
Lift my arms out wide, I open my eyes
And now all I wanna see, is a sky full of lighters
A sky full of lighters

ouch

the kind of pain that contradicts and will never be understood.

进退维谷

stranger (?)

You can get addicted to a certain kind of sadness

Like resignation to the end, always the end

So when we found that we could not make sense

Well you said that we would still be friends

But I'll admit that I was glad it was over

But you didn't have to cut me off

Make out like it never happened and that we were nothing

And I don't even need your love

But you treat me like a stranger and that feels so rough

No you didn't have to stoop so low

Have your friends collect your records and then change your number

I guess that I don't need that though

Now you're just somebody that I used to know

lyrics to this song that i used to dislike. 

didnt like the tune at first, but radio 91.3 kept spamming it and i started listening to the lyrics.

instant like hahaha. guess i'm suay kuan like that.

songs without meaning is just.. noise. 

which is actually majority of the songs now. :/

and..
i sometimes wonder, about the transition of stages in friendship.
its a cycle really, from stranger to friends and if you're not careful, back to stranger in the end.

some connection weakens and deadens and disintegrates. why?
is it because people stop trying?
or its because someone tried too hard?

but i guess what makes it worse, is that memories dont ever fade.


some friends i lost contact with, due to distance.
others i chose not to contact them, cause i felt that they've changed.
but in truth, i cannot deny the mark that they have left in my life.
and who knows? they might have thought that i'm the one who has changed instead.

human interaction is complicated indeed. :x

effort

found 2 pieces of work from when i was taking freehand drawing as a elective. <3

painstakingly dotted on the shades, really proud of my work and patience :D

lost.

at a loss for words.

no idea what to do.

not a clue as to what my next step should be either.

a thin thin line.

edit: BAH, I KNEW IT. I KNEW THIS WOULD HAPPEN.

SOMETIMES REALLY, I JUST REGRET MY DECISION SO DAMN FUCKING MUCH.
SO PISSED I COULD SMASH SOMETHING RIGHT NOW.

FUCK YOUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU.

sometimes this is enough (:

PBL dinner ytd evening! 

it was such a last minute thing, but i'm really damn happy that we managed to make it.

went to MOF のMy Izakaya, 

and wtf saw levon and lzl there as they were leaving. small world much? :D

the guys went shopping for their formal wear after.

zomg i swear, i'm glad t be a girl cause menswear is just too bloody expensive.

one guy's blazer can buy three of mine LOL.

didnt wanna go home yet so we tried to think of places to lepak.

we suck at nightlife; no place we could decide on, even though we had cars.

thats quite pathetic if you think abt it :x

by a twist of events we ended up exploring TP. LOL.

my forever favourite school; temasek polytechnic <3

going there evokes countless memories sia. 

even though some of the buildings are no longer the same, 

just being there is one of the happiest feelings i can ever imagine.

its like almost every nook and cranny holds some part of me. (:

till now i have never regretted going tp.

cause what i've gained from that decision is irreplaceable; not by any degree i could have had.

yes life might have been much easier than now,

but i am determined that these tripping stones WILL be stepping stones instead. :)

i'd rather go through hardships with awesome people supporting me 

than to endure a smooth but solitary journey.

its like never going back to ajisan ramen after going to ramenplay LOL.

<3 clique

and so in the end, i still gave in. 

was so determined not to bother or care, but i guess i just missed them too much :x

so much for my insistence >.<

my hair's journey

okay this is a bloody random idea.

me and bimb were (are) talking abt how important hair contributes to appearance.
after all its not called our crowning glory without reason right? :B

and i decided, just for fun, to post my pictures of my hair over the years.
like seriously. since year 0 to now.

age 0
omg freaking botak. this is in contrast to jh and jx, who were absolute monkeys .
the first one is like few days old. wtf ugly baby. hahaha.

age 2!

twist and tie ribbon. still pretty hairless and i think i look like a boy :x
see the 1 month old jh beside me, MORE HAIR WTF.
its funny how we're reversed now though ;p

age 3
bowl cut. really is like put bowl over my head .
i love baby jh's super epic expressions. like a retarded, but cute <3

 

age 4
still bowl cut, but more hair. jh looks like jx here !

age 5 and 6
MORE HAIR NOW. bwahahah fringe and shoulder length.
longest at 5 y.o. cause was gonna perform in K2 grad performance (:
double ponytail was like the most common hair style.
and see how me and jh are like twins :D

 

 

age 6 - 12
omg chopped off my long hair to obtain this! mushroom head

some dumb rule in rss stated that we had to keep short hair. ._.
and cause i started t wear glasses in primary 2, i look like a bona fide geek. :D


age 13 - 16
sec 1 and 2 was super toot please, the comb-back-no-fringe days.
and then my sec 3 and 4 was like, trying t layer and grow a decent fringe.
usually fail max cause my hair is naturally wavy and i dio wavy fringe.
so bimb i know your pain !! :x






age 17 till now.
after sec 4 i decided to be more daring and do smth crazy to my hair.
all along i just tolerated my frizzy hair and stupid fringe,
cause didnt really wanna care much about hair during school days cause we'd have to tie anyway :B
so i knew i was probably going poly, and plus the fact that i wanted a change.
went along with my aunt to her hairdresser and told him
" Just cut anything that you think suits me. Long or short i dont care"

asymmetrical bob. bwahahah i actually like this, the mid-length one esp.
might consider going back to mid-length bob on day. :B

 

 

after much pestering my mom allowed me to dye my hair ! :D
actually i have a case of premature graying. inherited from my mom.

red streaks red streaks omg love.

also alternated between bangs and sideswept bangs. 
still dont know which suits me best. :x

glam hair for my uncle's wedding. 

quite amazed at how my short shoulder length can actually make this up !

and as a bonus i found this photo of me and ahgong. we is so cute. :D

 

decided to go full on red hair. still trying to get back bright red.

aunty helen (my awesome hairdresser for 10 plus years) tells me its hard.

cause my hair is naturally v black and cant absorb color that well.

short of bleaching i cant really do anything :x

 

went reddish brown cause of SIP, and before i started work.
wanted to leave better impressions to the boss.
BUT NOW I THINK IT DOESNT MATTER ANYMORE. :D
  


my super uber long hair at its longest.

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

tadaaaa. from no hair to a lot of hair. ;D

walao damn tiring to compile all those photos cause gotta hunt them down.

and blogger sucks when uploading photos -.-

nevertheless it was fun cause i took a walk down memory lane ;)

i love my parents ♥

i was brought up mainly by my grandparents and aunts,

cause my mom and dad were workaholics back then.

i rarely see them, except on thursdays when mom tended to take leave cause ahma had work.

even then i also had school. so the time i spent with my parents was quite limited.

in my eyes,

mom doted on me quite alot. hehehe. 

we've maintained an awesome bond till now. :D

dad was forever the fierce and stern one. he wouldnt hesitate to punish me if i got out of line.

even if sometimes its not even my fault. T.T *stares at jh*

so i've always been quite scared of him, till few years back.

its like he finally started to know me :D

dad and mom had been slogging their guts for the past few years to provide for us.

over the period of 5 years they've lost so much weight, gained so many aches and pains.

i really appreciate them for their selfless efforts. <3

i'm sort of thankful that they've decided to close the business.

though its my dad's dream to have his own eatery, but i feel like its a good thing.

because seeing them work their fingers to the bone, its damn sad and worrying.

its not easy to survive in this competitive industry, with rental and manpower problems.

and they're so much happier now without it. x)

their own work schedules are flexible, and they now have more time to spend with us.

both of them also gained weight! hahahah. 

and now that me and jh have both graduated, 

they kinda have lesser to worry about in terms of financial issues.

time for them to enjoy life liao. :D

老爸老妈，辛苦你们了。谢谢。 (:

birthday wishes

was having dinner at my grandmother's at woodlands,
and the topic somehow shifted to my birthday this year.

first thing my uncle said was, huh you're 21 this year already? .______.
and then he said, what present you want? 21's the only year you can ask for anything .

i thought about what he said for a while, and you know what?
i cant think of anything i want.

i know i have a list of shopping stuff and all that, but its nothing huge.
i dont need a new phone, or laptop. though jh is insisting that my laptop is dying. ._.
PLUS this laptop has gone through so much shit with me, i cant bear to change it!
all my memories from oltc and ocp and pbl leh <3
the biggest thing i ever want is a trip to Japan, but even i know it wont happen soon.

so i guess the practical thing to give me is cold hard cash. :x

but to be honest.. i dont want that either. hahahaha.
its so.. boring. lol. okay maybe impersonal is a better word.
i prefer my presents to have some thought and sincerity behind it.
doesnt have to be expensive.
like, you can give me a bottle of red tea and i'm gonna be v happy (and high, mwahaha)
*thats what stupid yj gave me for my 16th birthday. 1.2L of H&E green tea LOL.

same thing goes for celebrations.
i dont want a big event where everyone has to mingle. cause its just gonna be awkward.
i only want a day well spent. with the people i care about.

simplicity is always the best. (:

smoking.

smoking has been one of my most hated.
came across this thai ad that syai shared on fb.




like like like ! both me and jh wonder, how would Singaporeans react?

ITS PAYDAY!

and this is the best of all so far, because i finally get to enjoy the full bonus !
like omg i felt sooooo happy after seeing my account balance. LOL.

here's what i plan to do with my hard-earned cash.

- give 100 bucks each to laopeh laobu.
- treat my whole family to a meal
- school fees payment in sept. DAFUQ.
- sept lepak trip with ahpok. <3
- save for next year's taiwan trip with clique! omg this i cant wait. :D
- save for JAPAN. goodness knows when. HAHAH.
- clear some places off my glutton list !

and my shopping list. these are needs, not wants. :B

- flats
- forever21 jeans, light wash and black denim.
i'm running out of pants to wear to work; my current pairs feel loose :x
- small bag to replace my red field camp bag, which is falling to pieces soon.

suddenly feeling happier than i did in days. x)

anticipation x disappointment

ever get the feeling of looking forward to something, be it an event or person or item?

while waiting you feel so happy, you cant help but wish that each second could pass faster.

sometimes even waiting for it is okay, because you know it'll be worth it.

recall that feeling of euphoria?

but sometimes its not always a happy ending.

sometimes you'll find that the long anticipated moment can come crashing down on you .

at the last minute, the last second.

and then you'll think, what the fuck did i hang on for?

you feel so cheated, like the carpet's been pulled out underneath your feet.

you dont even know how to react.

so now i've learnt, 

always anticipate, but also expect disappointment.

cause if you get used to it, numbness will set in, and neutralised to only patience.

here's to forever waiting.

rantings. II

another mrt drama, this time featuring the commuters.
whats the issue now, you ask?

an aunty and a younger girl arguing over a reserved seat.


whats your first impression when you read the sentence?
who's fault do you think it was? 10 seconds to think!
.
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.
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.
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.
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.
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.
.
most people would automatically think its probably the young girl's fault.
but read on. (:

apparently the young one was sitting down, and the aunty had to ask her for it.
upon sitting down, the aunty still scolded her for being rude, and insulting her to be from China.
to her credit, the girl actually tolerated it for awhile, trying to distract herself with her phone.
but hell eventually broke loose and both were screaming at each other in public.

whose fault ?
i'd say, definitely the aunty

yes, the girl could have been more proactive, i.e. giving up the seat automatically.
but this is definitely naive thinking.
how many people do you see, who give up seats to others who need it more?
and how many people do you see, ignoring the pregnant/injured/elderly?
the latter definitely preceeds the former.

even i, myself, am not perfect.
i know i tend to fall asleep on the train, so i try to take the non-reserved seats as much as i can.
actually i try to stand more, LOL.
cause i know i'll be a potential head-nodder/shoulder-leaner :x

and sometimes even when i wish to offer my seat, i will hesitate.
because there are stupid people who will rush over once my butt leaves halfway.
happened so many fucking times alr, you'd think they're about to faint or what sia. -.-
anyway my trick is i try to catch the attention of my target, and make sure he/she is otw.
which is hard to do on crowded trains. potentially paiseh hahah.

this wont happen if everyone had more consideration for each other.
i quote my awesome colleague siti.
"seriously, if ppl want to give up their seats, they WILL give up their seats, sticker or no sticker."

but i digress.

the main point of my rantings is the general attitude of the elderly in Singapore.

i've seen and observed enough at my workplace, far more than enough actually.
and i can tell you, the society is going to the dogs.

since young i've been raised to show respect towards my elders.
i would try as much as possible to help them if i can.
being advanced in age, they're not as clear-minded or fast, so some patience is needed.

but old people nowadays are not as simple.
i would go to the extent to say that they use age to manipulate you 
i know it sounds very jialat, but its the bitter truth.
they behave as if you owe them the respect, as if you should bow to their every whim and fancy.
they'll demand sympathy and understanding. yes i use the word demand.
they even fake ignorance and push the blame to you for not reminding them.
make one mistake and they'll scold you for being inexperienced, just because you're young.
(okay maybe its just my xmm face, LOL)
they even have split personalities. give in to them and they're nice; you dont, they become nasty.
and they dont even say a simple thank you, or feel grateful.
its expected of you to give in to them, even if they are wrong.

and i would say that the situation is only going to get worse,
judging by the patients in their mid-40s whom i encounter.
by then i do NOT want to be working in the polyclinic. *shudders*

anyway, of course not all elderly people i come across are like that.
there are those who thank you repeatedly, those who silently smile and listen.
they respect you for providing guidance, and are grateful.
they accept your help and even feel apologetic about bothering you.

because they dont act like they deserve it. which makes them deserve it even more.
they are the ones who earn my respect.

and in my opinion,
respect earned is more worth than respect due to.
its the most valuable and sincere.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

if you changed, would it all still remain the same?

a glutton's wishlist.

om nom nom.
making myself a list of places i want to try when i'm in a glutton mood ! :D

- hatched
- tonkatsu by ma maison
- wild honey
- eggs and berries.
- tcc. (yes embarassingly i have NEVER been there. going soon with jh for the 1-for-1!)
- paradise dynasty. for the multi-colored xlb!

MUST TRY ONE DAY BEFORE I DIE.

and places where i want to go again.


- MARCHE. fuck i've been saying this for 3 years !
- ramen play. i forsee bimb will be bugging me to go soon so this is not so bad.
- spaghetti goemon. me and ahsai's favourite.
- sakae teppanyaki !
- marukin ramen
- ding tai fung. i miss the fried rice. LOLOL.
- temasek poly. ( for the mensa dory fish/bizpark chicken cutlet/itas curry chicken)
- genting's dimsum place. for the AWESOME EGG TARTS AND CHEESE PRAWN ROLL.

okay, seriously i'm feeling damn hungry now.

and i realised, majority of the places specialise in japan cuisine. :B
which is somewhat a bad thing cause this means ahpok is highly unlikely to join me. damn.

rantings

shittiest week ever at work. and it seems like its gonna be like that for awhile. :/
being runner and phlebotomist at the same time is no joke, i swear i can lose weight.
sometimes i feel like storming out of the lab and taking the bus home sia.
especially when we're trying our very best to clear the crowd,
and some patients decide to be complete assholes. _l_

take for example, this guy who purposely looked at his watch when he finally came into the lab.
his queue number was 8x(?), he pointedly shook his head.
later on when i took his blood, he actually said this:
"you all very slow today, usually i wait longest 40 mins. today 1 hour"
i pointed out that we're shorthanded, with only FOUR staff working instead of the usual six.
and he SHAKE HIS BALD HEAD, AND SAID "then you all should be faster. very slow leh"
!@#$%^&

another example.
this impatient guy wanted to multitask and check on his doctor's queue number.
my colleague asked him not to leave the queue, cause his turn was coming soon,
and we dont have the manpower to go looking for him.
he rebutted with "no staff go find staff la! this is your problem"
fuck you la, you think any dog or cat can work meh.
so easy to find staff i would've bought them online liao. zzzz.

another example.
wah this one, i dont wanna be racist also cant.
indian father, carrying his newborn baby for the jaundice test.
i told the mother to wait outside, cause we have limited space and a one-to-one policy.
and then i sat down to take the baby's blood.
i asked for the baby's left leg. HE TRIED TO PUT THE BABY ON THE TABLE.
told him, NO, you carry him. HE TRIED TO MAKE ME CARRY THE BABY. 
dafuq.

so the mother heard the commotion and u-turned. she didnt make things better wtf, just stand there.
i ask her to please go out, the dad say what. "she's the mother, cant she stay here?"
NO. so the stupid lady went out, muttering abt me not being able to communicate.
FUCK i think its your husband being stupid please.

oh they were a twenty-ish young couple, not the sari-wearing old fashioned kind.
so somebody tell me why they're so ignorant and block-headed? -.-
maybe i didnt shake my head enough, or maybe they're still using infrared.


oh and the worst kind.
tell them wait outside, they go see doctor.
tell them to go home, they wait outside for their receipt.
and when they realise their mistake, they claim,
AIYA, WHY YOU NVR TELL ME. MAKE ME WAIT WAIT WAIT.
or
MY DOCTOR ASK ME FOR RESULT, WHY YOU NVR GIVE ME.
sighhhhh. i dont retina scan your blood and come up with results immediately pls.
we're technologically advanced but not THAT good.


seriously some times i just wanna throttle patients who refuse to LISTEN.
hello, you're in MY LAB. YOU listen to ME. not the other way round !
and this is HEALTHCARE, not customer service.
THE CUSTOMER IS NOT ALWAYS RIGHT.

its really a pain in the ass when they insist that we should accomodate to them.
especially when its against our protocol.
its just NOT DONE AUNTY, CANNOT HORH UNCLE.
and dont think i look xmm means i dont know HOW TO PRICK YOUR FINGER.

damn i'm getting worked up. lol.
really limitless leh, the stuff i can complain about.
maybe one day i should publish a book on this. >:/

okay la some patients are also damn nice la.

one uncle smiled and said, "okay la, no staff i join you. come, give me instructions."
and some people told us, "wah, xin ku ni men le", and complimented us on our speed.
actually they dont even have to compliment us. (cause i know we're efficient, LOL *diudiu*)
just a simple, sincere thank you or a smile from them, its enough.
at least our effort is recognized, and they understand our predicament.

so yes, i do derive some satisfaction from these nice people.
and this job is sorta worth it because of them.
especially those old people who keep thanking us and smiling toothlessly. :B

and of course, the BONUS.
omg i'm gonna be rich on 25th June. HAHAHAHAH.
planning to treat my family to a meal!
they are alr deciding between ding tai fung or aston's liao WTF. :x

gratitude

i generally find myself an easy person to please; usually i dont ask for much.
cause i've learnt that high expectations can only lead to great disappointment.
so to reduce my risk of getting depression, i request from myself to only do the best i can.
as long as i have given my all, i shouldnt regret. (:

and it doesnt just apply to me, but to the people around me too.

simple random acts which show their concern, is enough to make me really blessed and happy.
which is why i'm feeling so superbly grateful for the people who are always there for me.
my family, boyfriend and clique. <3 them lots.

whenever i find myself on the verge of giving up, they always have my back.
with their words of encouragements and actions, they're part of the reason why i persevere.
cause i dont wanna disappoint their faith in me. (:

i tell myself,
先苦后甜。加油靖婷 ！:D

hurt

有一天，我真的会崩溃。
不是突然累了，是很累很累了。

why do i end up hurting those i care about?

blanko. or blanco?

sometimes i wish i could rewind back to certain times and wipe out that moment.
then maybe these events would never have happened.

yes there might be losses, everything might change.
some existences would cease, and some others may result.
we might all be happier now, but we may also not be.
we might gain, and yet lose what we have now.
seems like that single key point back in time was the reason for everything now.

whats the point of saying this again?

oh.
just to remind myself that everything, good or bad, happens for a reason.
and its shaped us to who we are today.

good, or bad?

TGIF !

in full appreciation of the weekend after this busy busy week.
had lectures for the whole week except thurs and sun, omg no joke.
thank goodness next week will be toned down.

true, i still have lecture tmr afternoon, but i'll be seeing my awesome pbl group after tt ! :D
so its not so bad.
and thank you ahpok, for sending me to school on two occasions. <3

today was awesome.
lab finished earlier than expected, cause of my ever efficient lab partner LEVON TEO. <3
she had craving for tom's palette, so off we went.

there's nothing like ice-cream and bestfs to end a hectic week :B

tom's palette is really om nom nom, i love their creative flavours.
so far i've tried Guinness stout, Green Tea, Mango Sticky Rice, Granny's Fav, Asian Tea,
some crumble thingy that has the magic 'sparkly' powder in it,
and my ever favourite Salted Caramel Cheesecake ! hehehe.
i never fail to order that every time i go. :B

next time i want to try the Lavender ice-cream. and the Yuzu flavor. #happyglutton

_________________________________________________________________________

nothing in life is absolute, so treasure every second.
cause you never know if you'll have another day.
you dont want to leave with regrets.

bind me with strings

i'd love to go overseas someday.

Taiwan, Thailand, Japan.

Japan, i definitely want to go before i kick the bucket. :B

but not now.

i have too many commitments, too many ropes tying me down.

i'd take leave, but there's school to consider.

only once a year does my school ever have a vacation, 

and its just a measly one week.

better than nothing i guess?

it gets so frustrating sometimes,

how i get left out of family trips and all.

i can only send them thru the gates, or hang around waiting for them to land.

i can only listen to their itinerary.

and they always have to hear my rejection.

life sucks.

and i'm glad you know it.

Graduation

its the time of the year again.
just last year, on 26th May 2011, we officially graduated from TP.
cant believe its been a year already.


I keep thinking times will never change
Keep on thinking things will always be the same
But when we leave this year we won't be coming back
No more hanging out cause we're on a different track
And if you got something that you need to say
You better say it right now cause you don't have another day

everyone is busy with their own lifes.

sometimes it gets so hard just to plan a meet-up.

and i'm scared that i will one day lose this bunch of important people.

Cause we're moving on and we can't slow down

These memories are playing like a film without sound
Will we think about tomorrow like we think about now?
Can we survive it out there?
Can we make it somehow?
I guess I thought that this would never end
And suddenly it's like we're women and men
Will the past be a shadow that will follow us 'round?
Will these memories fade when I leave this town
I keep, keep thinking that it's not goodbye
Keep on thinking it's a time to fly


As we go on, we remember all the times we've had together.

And as our lives change, come whatever, 
We will still be friends forever.

(?)

i'm still not over it

one emotional moment, when revisited, is enough to reopen wounds.
the tears just keep coming.

i still miss you alot, ahgong.
你在那里过得好吗?

心有余力不足

so many things that i want to do, hope to do but i just cant.
cannot.

still unbelievable

yes i still am very happy tt i can finally drive LOL.
its one of the biggest accomplishments i have in my life right now. HAHAH.

past few days i've been driving at every chance i've got.
first time i did i drove on the highway some more. :x
kinda not a wise choice cause i was still getting used to my dad's car.
scared my sisters a little. my mom alot LOL. they complained that i was jerky :(

cut me some slack lehhh, i've nvr gone beyond 60 plus dudes! my instructor is to blame!

okay no la actually michael is awesome cause he's super patient with me.
and he's very careful and somewhat strict about road safety, which is a good thing.
must thank cliff for recommending him (Y)

subsequent times were better i guess, cause dad stopped nagging so much.
for my own opinion, i feel tt i still need to work at controlling my speed and turning.
quite prone to sharp turns/wide turns. :x

just now was the best though. SOLO.
mwahahah i got to drive ahpok home. and fetch jx from ahma's hse. all by myself.
thanks dad for trusting me with the car :D
was kinda nervous at first, but deep breathes did the trick.
and nothing happened. even parked nicely HEHEH.

which is why i feel so happy now. :DD

happy mother's day !

thank you for bringing me into this world.
thank you for nagging at me to clean up my table.
thank you for being there for me when i'm down.
thank you for accepting ahpok.
thank you for working so hard to support the family
thank you for giving me two irritating but awesome younger sisters
thank you for EVERYTHING.

i love you laobu :D

officially a legal driver

SO SO SO HAPPY AND RELIEVED ITS FINALLY OVER.

thank you EVERYONE who smsed me to give encouragement and luck <3
you guys motivated me to do my best and not disappoint you all :D


best of all, both me and bimb managed to complete it tgt from start to finish!
took our BTT tgt on 4th march after signing up one week before.
and after much trials and cursing and gossiping abt our instructors,
we passed tgt on 11th may !

1 year 2 months. okay wtf tts actually longer than i wanted it to be. HAHAH.

but anyway, the feeling of passing is really surreal.
i cant even believe it at times man. its like OMG DID I REALLY? :D

tester was lenient. and the fuck, he tried to scare me sia !
cause back at the office he started off telling me tt my driving is still not v good.
and my heart sank like shit cause i thought i did okay.
*ESP THE SLOPE OMG THE SLOPE I OVERCAME IT *estatic*
at most just not v smooth and confident, but no major mistakes la.

so i started peeking at the demerit points list and trying to figure out whats the final score.
and panicked when i couldnt see it written on the same (first) page.
at that moment i was seriously considering never coming to ubi again :/
then he said "must improve ah. but i gave you a PASS."
i heard that bloody magic word and i started smiling like a monkey.
dont rmb what really happened, but i think i was only thanking him and smiling liao la.
:DDDDD pass pass pass :DD

and then abt 2 hours later, bimb came out from the tester's office grinning. HUAT AH. HAHAH.
was feeling v nervous for her too, paced up and down near the dropoff point for her return. :x

anyway now we're both convinced that we really are best buds. LOL.

and i still cant believe its over ! moment i've been yearning for.
being able to drive is shiok.
means tt i can go all over singapore easily alr ! food places here i come :B
and i've been saving up and scrimping cause lesson fees were another burden i had to shoulder.
on top of my own phone bill, transport fees and all shits miscellaneous.
need i mention my poly AND uni fees?
fuck this shit, sucks to feel like an adult long before i turn 21.

but i keep reminding myself that what doesnt kill me makes me stronger. (:

PASS PASS PASS PASS OMG!!

the very very sickening sentence

WE SHOULD MEET UP SOON .

i absolutely hate this sentence.

countless people whom i havent met in a long fucking while have said this to me.

and i tell you, the meet up almost NEVER happens.

if it happens it'll also be at another mass gathering.

where everyone around you is saying the SAME thing. its a collection of empty promises nia.

how soon is soon? when one of us turns 21 (again)?

or maybe when one day you need me for a favour?

as age catches up, you realise the world is really v hypocritical and realistic.

if you mean it, SET A DATE. DISCUSS WITH ME AND WE'LL WORK IT OUT.

its not very difficult right? not if you truly want to maintain this friendship.

*just a deviation, but ugh i hate 21st birthdays.

you feel so obligated to buy an expensive present for someone you barely know.

just because that person invited you to their party. whom they spent a bomb on.

and at the event you wont actually be able to talk to the host cause he/she is so busy.

its like some pre-wedding dinner rehearsal. just switch the angbaos with the present nia.

what happened to meaningful gifts and presents with thoughts?

thats why i usually avoid going for 21sts unless i know the person well. 

and you need to socialise with people and entertain them with polite qns wtf. 

its like CNY with kaypoh relatives who ask everyone the same thing.

call me anti-social, but dont lie to yourself when you know its how you feel inside, deep down.

i'd much much rather have a simple dinner with people i know. 

treat me macspicy i also dont mind. :D

i understand that as the days move along, people usually get distanced from each other.

due to schedule conflicts, or change in environment. 

sometimes you'll realise you dont see or talk to this person anymore. and its kinda sad.

when i appreciate the people around me, i make sure i put in a substantial amount of effort.

no matter how busy i am or how tired, i'll squeeze out time for my loved ones.

this is the one principle i am sticking to, and i'm proud to say i can do it 90% of the time.

i dont expect the same for everyone, but this is just how i will manage my relationships.

it takes two hands to clap though. irrefutable fact.

no point running after someone and slapping him/her on the cold shoulder right?

sometimes i try my best to make time, but if the other party doesnt, there's little i can do.

till some extent, i may just give up and just wait for him/her to u-turn.

cause in my opinion, there is always a point of return.

and if the distance just gets further, well. bon voyage and au revoir.

i'm still here if you miss me.

P.S. the last sentence doesnt apply if you're a bastard intending to make use of me. it aint happening.

Moral of the story? 

ASK ME WHEN I AM FREE TO MEET UP, INSTEAD OF TELLING ME SOON.