my hair's journey

okay this is a bloody random idea.

me and bimb were (are) talking abt how important hair contributes to appearance.
after all its not called our crowning glory without reason right? :B

and i decided, just for fun, to post my pictures of my hair over the years.
like seriously. since year 0 to now.

age 0
omg freaking botak. this is in contrast to jh and jx, who were absolute monkeys .
the first one is like few days old. wtf ugly baby. hahaha.

age 2!

twist and tie ribbon. still pretty hairless and i think i look like a boy :x
see the 1 month old jh beside me, MORE HAIR WTF.
its funny how we're reversed now though ;p

age 3
bowl cut. really is like put bowl over my head .
i love baby jh's super epic expressions. like a retarded, but cute <3

 

age 4
still bowl cut, but more hair. jh looks like jx here !

age 5 and 6
MORE HAIR NOW. bwahahah fringe and shoulder length.
longest at 5 y.o. cause was gonna perform in K2 grad performance (:
double ponytail was like the most common hair style.
and see how me and jh are like twins :D

 

 

age 6 - 12
omg chopped off my long hair to obtain this! mushroom head

some dumb rule in rss stated that we had to keep short hair. ._.
and cause i started t wear glasses in primary 2, i look like a bona fide geek. :D


age 13 - 16
sec 1 and 2 was super toot please, the comb-back-no-fringe days.
and then my sec 3 and 4 was like, trying t layer and grow a decent fringe.
usually fail max cause my hair is naturally wavy and i dio wavy fringe.
so bimb i know your pain !! :x






age 17 till now.
after sec 4 i decided to be more daring and do smth crazy to my hair.
all along i just tolerated my frizzy hair and stupid fringe,
cause didnt really wanna care much about hair during school days cause we'd have to tie anyway :B
so i knew i was probably going poly, and plus the fact that i wanted a change.
went along with my aunt to her hairdresser and told him
" Just cut anything that you think suits me. Long or short i dont care"

asymmetrical bob. bwahahah i actually like this, the mid-length one esp.
might consider going back to mid-length bob on day. :B

 

 

after much pestering my mom allowed me to dye my hair ! :D
actually i have a case of premature graying. inherited from my mom.

red streaks red streaks omg love.

also alternated between bangs and sideswept bangs. 
still dont know which suits me best. :x

glam hair for my uncle's wedding. 

quite amazed at how my short shoulder length can actually make this up !

and as a bonus i found this photo of me and ahgong. we is so cute. :D

 

decided to go full on red hair. still trying to get back bright red.

aunty helen (my awesome hairdresser for 10 plus years) tells me its hard.

cause my hair is naturally v black and cant absorb color that well.

short of bleaching i cant really do anything :x

 

went reddish brown cause of SIP, and before i started work.
wanted to leave better impressions to the boss.
BUT NOW I THINK IT DOESNT MATTER ANYMORE. :D
  


my super uber long hair at its longest.

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

tadaaaa. from no hair to a lot of hair. ;D

walao damn tiring to compile all those photos cause gotta hunt them down.

and blogger sucks when uploading photos -.-

nevertheless it was fun cause i took a walk down memory lane ;)

i love my parents ♥

i was brought up mainly by my grandparents and aunts,

cause my mom and dad were workaholics back then.

i rarely see them, except on thursdays when mom tended to take leave cause ahma had work.

even then i also had school. so the time i spent with my parents was quite limited.

in my eyes,

mom doted on me quite alot. hehehe. 

we've maintained an awesome bond till now. :D

dad was forever the fierce and stern one. he wouldnt hesitate to punish me if i got out of line.

even if sometimes its not even my fault. T.T *stares at jh*

so i've always been quite scared of him, till few years back.

its like he finally started to know me :D

dad and mom had been slogging their guts for the past few years to provide for us.

over the period of 5 years they've lost so much weight, gained so many aches and pains.

i really appreciate them for their selfless efforts. <3

i'm sort of thankful that they've decided to close the business.

though its my dad's dream to have his own eatery, but i feel like its a good thing.

because seeing them work their fingers to the bone, its damn sad and worrying.

its not easy to survive in this competitive industry, with rental and manpower problems.

and they're so much happier now without it. x)

their own work schedules are flexible, and they now have more time to spend with us.

both of them also gained weight! hahahah. 

and now that me and jh have both graduated, 

they kinda have lesser to worry about in terms of financial issues.

time for them to enjoy life liao. :D

老爸老妈，辛苦你们了。谢谢。 (:

birthday wishes

was having dinner at my grandmother's at woodlands,
and the topic somehow shifted to my birthday this year.

first thing my uncle said was, huh you're 21 this year already? .______.
and then he said, what present you want? 21's the only year you can ask for anything .

i thought about what he said for a while, and you know what?
i cant think of anything i want.

i know i have a list of shopping stuff and all that, but its nothing huge.
i dont need a new phone, or laptop. though jh is insisting that my laptop is dying. ._.
PLUS this laptop has gone through so much shit with me, i cant bear to change it!
all my memories from oltc and ocp and pbl leh <3
the biggest thing i ever want is a trip to Japan, but even i know it wont happen soon.

so i guess the practical thing to give me is cold hard cash. :x

but to be honest.. i dont want that either. hahahaha.
its so.. boring. lol. okay maybe impersonal is a better word.
i prefer my presents to have some thought and sincerity behind it.
doesnt have to be expensive.
like, you can give me a bottle of red tea and i'm gonna be v happy (and high, mwahaha)
*thats what stupid yj gave me for my 16th birthday. 1.2L of H&E green tea LOL.

same thing goes for celebrations.
i dont want a big event where everyone has to mingle. cause its just gonna be awkward.
i only want a day well spent. with the people i care about.

simplicity is always the best. (:

smoking.

smoking has been one of my most hated.
came across this thai ad that syai shared on fb.




like like like ! both me and jh wonder, how would Singaporeans react?

ITS PAYDAY!

and this is the best of all so far, because i finally get to enjoy the full bonus !
like omg i felt sooooo happy after seeing my account balance. LOL.

here's what i plan to do with my hard-earned cash.

- give 100 bucks each to laopeh laobu.
- treat my whole family to a meal
- school fees payment in sept. DAFUQ.
- sept lepak trip with ahpok. <3
- save for next year's taiwan trip with clique! omg this i cant wait. :D
- save for JAPAN. goodness knows when. HAHAH.
- clear some places off my glutton list !

and my shopping list. these are needs, not wants. :B

- flats
- forever21 jeans, light wash and black denim.
i'm running out of pants to wear to work; my current pairs feel loose :x
- small bag to replace my red field camp bag, which is falling to pieces soon.

suddenly feeling happier than i did in days. x)

anticipation x disappointment

ever get the feeling of looking forward to something, be it an event or person or item?

while waiting you feel so happy, you cant help but wish that each second could pass faster.

sometimes even waiting for it is okay, because you know it'll be worth it.

recall that feeling of euphoria?

but sometimes its not always a happy ending.

sometimes you'll find that the long anticipated moment can come crashing down on you .

at the last minute, the last second.

and then you'll think, what the fuck did i hang on for?

you feel so cheated, like the carpet's been pulled out underneath your feet.

you dont even know how to react.

so now i've learnt, 

always anticipate, but also expect disappointment.

cause if you get used to it, numbness will set in, and neutralised to only patience.

here's to forever waiting.

rantings. II

another mrt drama, this time featuring the commuters.
whats the issue now, you ask?

an aunty and a younger girl arguing over a reserved seat.


whats your first impression when you read the sentence?
who's fault do you think it was? 10 seconds to think!
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
most people would automatically think its probably the young girl's fault.
but read on. (:

apparently the young one was sitting down, and the aunty had to ask her for it.
upon sitting down, the aunty still scolded her for being rude, and insulting her to be from China.
to her credit, the girl actually tolerated it for awhile, trying to distract herself with her phone.
but hell eventually broke loose and both were screaming at each other in public.

whose fault ?
i'd say, definitely the aunty

yes, the girl could have been more proactive, i.e. giving up the seat automatically.
but this is definitely naive thinking.
how many people do you see, who give up seats to others who need it more?
and how many people do you see, ignoring the pregnant/injured/elderly?
the latter definitely preceeds the former.

even i, myself, am not perfect.
i know i tend to fall asleep on the train, so i try to take the non-reserved seats as much as i can.
actually i try to stand more, LOL.
cause i know i'll be a potential head-nodder/shoulder-leaner :x

and sometimes even when i wish to offer my seat, i will hesitate.
because there are stupid people who will rush over once my butt leaves halfway.
happened so many fucking times alr, you'd think they're about to faint or what sia. -.-
anyway my trick is i try to catch the attention of my target, and make sure he/she is otw.
which is hard to do on crowded trains. potentially paiseh hahah.

this wont happen if everyone had more consideration for each other.
i quote my awesome colleague siti.
"seriously, if ppl want to give up their seats, they WILL give up their seats, sticker or no sticker."

but i digress.

the main point of my rantings is the general attitude of the elderly in Singapore.

i've seen and observed enough at my workplace, far more than enough actually.
and i can tell you, the society is going to the dogs.

since young i've been raised to show respect towards my elders.
i would try as much as possible to help them if i can.
being advanced in age, they're not as clear-minded or fast, so some patience is needed.

but old people nowadays are not as simple.
i would go to the extent to say that they use age to manipulate you 
i know it sounds very jialat, but its the bitter truth.
they behave as if you owe them the respect, as if you should bow to their every whim and fancy.
they'll demand sympathy and understanding. yes i use the word demand.
they even fake ignorance and push the blame to you for not reminding them.
make one mistake and they'll scold you for being inexperienced, just because you're young.
(okay maybe its just my xmm face, LOL)
they even have split personalities. give in to them and they're nice; you dont, they become nasty.
and they dont even say a simple thank you, or feel grateful.
its expected of you to give in to them, even if they are wrong.

and i would say that the situation is only going to get worse,
judging by the patients in their mid-40s whom i encounter.
by then i do NOT want to be working in the polyclinic. *shudders*

anyway, of course not all elderly people i come across are like that.
there are those who thank you repeatedly, those who silently smile and listen.
they respect you for providing guidance, and are grateful.
they accept your help and even feel apologetic about bothering you.

because they dont act like they deserve it. which makes them deserve it even more.
they are the ones who earn my respect.

and in my opinion,
respect earned is more worth than respect due to.
its the most valuable and sincere.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

if you changed, would it all still remain the same?

a glutton's wishlist.

om nom nom.
making myself a list of places i want to try when i'm in a glutton mood ! :D

- hatched
- tonkatsu by ma maison
- wild honey
- eggs and berries.
- tcc. (yes embarassingly i have NEVER been there. going soon with jh for the 1-for-1!)
- paradise dynasty. for the multi-colored xlb!

MUST TRY ONE DAY BEFORE I DIE.

and places where i want to go again.


- MARCHE. fuck i've been saying this for 3 years !
- ramen play. i forsee bimb will be bugging me to go soon so this is not so bad.
- spaghetti goemon. me and ahsai's favourite.
- sakae teppanyaki !
- marukin ramen
- ding tai fung. i miss the fried rice. LOLOL.
- temasek poly. ( for the mensa dory fish/bizpark chicken cutlet/itas curry chicken)
- genting's dimsum place. for the AWESOME EGG TARTS AND CHEESE PRAWN ROLL.

okay, seriously i'm feeling damn hungry now.

and i realised, majority of the places specialise in japan cuisine. :B
which is somewhat a bad thing cause this means ahpok is highly unlikely to join me. damn.

rantings

shittiest week ever at work. and it seems like its gonna be like that for awhile. :/
being runner and phlebotomist at the same time is no joke, i swear i can lose weight.
sometimes i feel like storming out of the lab and taking the bus home sia.
especially when we're trying our very best to clear the crowd,
and some patients decide to be complete assholes. _l_

take for example, this guy who purposely looked at his watch when he finally came into the lab.
his queue number was 8x(?), he pointedly shook his head.
later on when i took his blood, he actually said this:
"you all very slow today, usually i wait longest 40 mins. today 1 hour"
i pointed out that we're shorthanded, with only FOUR staff working instead of the usual six.
and he SHAKE HIS BALD HEAD, AND SAID "then you all should be faster. very slow leh"
!@#$%^&

another example.
this impatient guy wanted to multitask and check on his doctor's queue number.
my colleague asked him not to leave the queue, cause his turn was coming soon,
and we dont have the manpower to go looking for him.
he rebutted with "no staff go find staff la! this is your problem"
fuck you la, you think any dog or cat can work meh.
so easy to find staff i would've bought them online liao. zzzz.

another example.
wah this one, i dont wanna be racist also cant.
indian father, carrying his newborn baby for the jaundice test.
i told the mother to wait outside, cause we have limited space and a one-to-one policy.
and then i sat down to take the baby's blood.
i asked for the baby's left leg. HE TRIED TO PUT THE BABY ON THE TABLE.
told him, NO, you carry him. HE TRIED TO MAKE ME CARRY THE BABY. 
dafuq.

so the mother heard the commotion and u-turned. she didnt make things better wtf, just stand there.
i ask her to please go out, the dad say what. "she's the mother, cant she stay here?"
NO. so the stupid lady went out, muttering abt me not being able to communicate.
FUCK i think its your husband being stupid please.

oh they were a twenty-ish young couple, not the sari-wearing old fashioned kind.
so somebody tell me why they're so ignorant and block-headed? -.-
maybe i didnt shake my head enough, or maybe they're still using infrared.


oh and the worst kind.
tell them wait outside, they go see doctor.
tell them to go home, they wait outside for their receipt.
and when they realise their mistake, they claim,
AIYA, WHY YOU NVR TELL ME. MAKE ME WAIT WAIT WAIT.
or
MY DOCTOR ASK ME FOR RESULT, WHY YOU NVR GIVE ME.
sighhhhh. i dont retina scan your blood and come up with results immediately pls.
we're technologically advanced but not THAT good.


seriously some times i just wanna throttle patients who refuse to LISTEN.
hello, you're in MY LAB. YOU listen to ME. not the other way round !
and this is HEALTHCARE, not customer service.
THE CUSTOMER IS NOT ALWAYS RIGHT.

its really a pain in the ass when they insist that we should accomodate to them.
especially when its against our protocol.
its just NOT DONE AUNTY, CANNOT HORH UNCLE.
and dont think i look xmm means i dont know HOW TO PRICK YOUR FINGER.

damn i'm getting worked up. lol.
really limitless leh, the stuff i can complain about.
maybe one day i should publish a book on this. >:/

okay la some patients are also damn nice la.

one uncle smiled and said, "okay la, no staff i join you. come, give me instructions."
and some people told us, "wah, xin ku ni men le", and complimented us on our speed.
actually they dont even have to compliment us. (cause i know we're efficient, LOL *diudiu*)
just a simple, sincere thank you or a smile from them, its enough.
at least our effort is recognized, and they understand our predicament.

so yes, i do derive some satisfaction from these nice people.
and this job is sorta worth it because of them.
especially those old people who keep thanking us and smiling toothlessly. :B

and of course, the BONUS.
omg i'm gonna be rich on 25th June. HAHAHAHAH.
planning to treat my family to a meal!
they are alr deciding between ding tai fung or aston's liao WTF. :x

gratitude

i generally find myself an easy person to please; usually i dont ask for much.
cause i've learnt that high expectations can only lead to great disappointment.
so to reduce my risk of getting depression, i request from myself to only do the best i can.
as long as i have given my all, i shouldnt regret. (:

and it doesnt just apply to me, but to the people around me too.

simple random acts which show their concern, is enough to make me really blessed and happy.
which is why i'm feeling so superbly grateful for the people who are always there for me.
my family, boyfriend and clique. <3 them lots.

whenever i find myself on the verge of giving up, they always have my back.
with their words of encouragements and actions, they're part of the reason why i persevere.
cause i dont wanna disappoint their faith in me. (:

i tell myself,
先苦后甜。加油靖婷 ！:D

hurt

有一天，我真的会崩溃。
不是突然累了，是很累很累了。

why do i end up hurting those i care about?

blanko. or blanco?

sometimes i wish i could rewind back to certain times and wipe out that moment.
then maybe these events would never have happened.

yes there might be losses, everything might change.
some existences would cease, and some others may result.
we might all be happier now, but we may also not be.
we might gain, and yet lose what we have now.
seems like that single key point back in time was the reason for everything now.

whats the point of saying this again?

oh.
just to remind myself that everything, good or bad, happens for a reason.
and its shaped us to who we are today.

good, or bad?

TGIF !

in full appreciation of the weekend after this busy busy week.
had lectures for the whole week except thurs and sun, omg no joke.
thank goodness next week will be toned down.

true, i still have lecture tmr afternoon, but i'll be seeing my awesome pbl group after tt ! :D
so its not so bad.
and thank you ahpok, for sending me to school on two occasions. <3

today was awesome.
lab finished earlier than expected, cause of my ever efficient lab partner LEVON TEO. <3
she had craving for tom's palette, so off we went.

there's nothing like ice-cream and bestfs to end a hectic week :B

tom's palette is really om nom nom, i love their creative flavours.
so far i've tried Guinness stout, Green Tea, Mango Sticky Rice, Granny's Fav, Asian Tea,
some crumble thingy that has the magic 'sparkly' powder in it,
and my ever favourite Salted Caramel Cheesecake ! hehehe.
i never fail to order that every time i go. :B

next time i want to try the Lavender ice-cream. and the Yuzu flavor. #happyglutton

_________________________________________________________________________

nothing in life is absolute, so treasure every second.
cause you never know if you'll have another day.
you dont want to leave with regrets.

bind me with strings

i'd love to go overseas someday.

Taiwan, Thailand, Japan.

Japan, i definitely want to go before i kick the bucket. :B

but not now.

i have too many commitments, too many ropes tying me down.

i'd take leave, but there's school to consider.

only once a year does my school ever have a vacation, 

and its just a measly one week.

better than nothing i guess?

it gets so frustrating sometimes,

how i get left out of family trips and all.

i can only send them thru the gates, or hang around waiting for them to land.

i can only listen to their itinerary.

and they always have to hear my rejection.

life sucks.

and i'm glad you know it.

Graduation

its the time of the year again.
just last year, on 26th May 2011, we officially graduated from TP.
cant believe its been a year already.


I keep thinking times will never change
Keep on thinking things will always be the same
But when we leave this year we won't be coming back
No more hanging out cause we're on a different track
And if you got something that you need to say
You better say it right now cause you don't have another day

everyone is busy with their own lifes.

sometimes it gets so hard just to plan a meet-up.

and i'm scared that i will one day lose this bunch of important people.

Cause we're moving on and we can't slow down

These memories are playing like a film without sound
Will we think about tomorrow like we think about now?
Can we survive it out there?
Can we make it somehow?
I guess I thought that this would never end
And suddenly it's like we're women and men
Will the past be a shadow that will follow us 'round?
Will these memories fade when I leave this town
I keep, keep thinking that it's not goodbye
Keep on thinking it's a time to fly


As we go on, we remember all the times we've had together.

And as our lives change, come whatever, 
We will still be friends forever.

(?)

i'm still not over it

one emotional moment, when revisited, is enough to reopen wounds.
the tears just keep coming.

i still miss you alot, ahgong.
你在那里过得好吗?

心有余力不足

so many things that i want to do, hope to do but i just cant.
cannot.

still unbelievable

yes i still am very happy tt i can finally drive LOL.
its one of the biggest accomplishments i have in my life right now. HAHAH.

past few days i've been driving at every chance i've got.
first time i did i drove on the highway some more. :x
kinda not a wise choice cause i was still getting used to my dad's car.
scared my sisters a little. my mom alot LOL. they complained that i was jerky :(

cut me some slack lehhh, i've nvr gone beyond 60 plus dudes! my instructor is to blame!

okay no la actually michael is awesome cause he's super patient with me.
and he's very careful and somewhat strict about road safety, which is a good thing.
must thank cliff for recommending him (Y)

subsequent times were better i guess, cause dad stopped nagging so much.
for my own opinion, i feel tt i still need to work at controlling my speed and turning.
quite prone to sharp turns/wide turns. :x

just now was the best though. SOLO.
mwahahah i got to drive ahpok home. and fetch jx from ahma's hse. all by myself.
thanks dad for trusting me with the car :D
was kinda nervous at first, but deep breathes did the trick.
and nothing happened. even parked nicely HEHEH.

which is why i feel so happy now. :DD

happy mother's day !

thank you for bringing me into this world.
thank you for nagging at me to clean up my table.
thank you for being there for me when i'm down.
thank you for accepting ahpok.
thank you for working so hard to support the family
thank you for giving me two irritating but awesome younger sisters
thank you for EVERYTHING.

i love you laobu :D

officially a legal driver

SO SO SO HAPPY AND RELIEVED ITS FINALLY OVER.

thank you EVERYONE who smsed me to give encouragement and luck <3
you guys motivated me to do my best and not disappoint you all :D


best of all, both me and bimb managed to complete it tgt from start to finish!
took our BTT tgt on 4th march after signing up one week before.
and after much trials and cursing and gossiping abt our instructors,
we passed tgt on 11th may !

1 year 2 months. okay wtf tts actually longer than i wanted it to be. HAHAH.

but anyway, the feeling of passing is really surreal.
i cant even believe it at times man. its like OMG DID I REALLY? :D

tester was lenient. and the fuck, he tried to scare me sia !
cause back at the office he started off telling me tt my driving is still not v good.
and my heart sank like shit cause i thought i did okay.
*ESP THE SLOPE OMG THE SLOPE I OVERCAME IT *estatic*
at most just not v smooth and confident, but no major mistakes la.

so i started peeking at the demerit points list and trying to figure out whats the final score.
and panicked when i couldnt see it written on the same (first) page.
at that moment i was seriously considering never coming to ubi again :/
then he said "must improve ah. but i gave you a PASS."
i heard that bloody magic word and i started smiling like a monkey.
dont rmb what really happened, but i think i was only thanking him and smiling liao la.
:DDDDD pass pass pass :DD

and then abt 2 hours later, bimb came out from the tester's office grinning. HUAT AH. HAHAH.
was feeling v nervous for her too, paced up and down near the dropoff point for her return. :x

anyway now we're both convinced that we really are best buds. LOL.

and i still cant believe its over ! moment i've been yearning for.
being able to drive is shiok.
means tt i can go all over singapore easily alr ! food places here i come :B
and i've been saving up and scrimping cause lesson fees were another burden i had to shoulder.
on top of my own phone bill, transport fees and all shits miscellaneous.
need i mention my poly AND uni fees?
fuck this shit, sucks to feel like an adult long before i turn 21.

but i keep reminding myself that what doesnt kill me makes me stronger. (:

PASS PASS PASS PASS OMG!!

the very very sickening sentence

WE SHOULD MEET UP SOON .

i absolutely hate this sentence.

countless people whom i havent met in a long fucking while have said this to me.

and i tell you, the meet up almost NEVER happens.

if it happens it'll also be at another mass gathering.

where everyone around you is saying the SAME thing. its a collection of empty promises nia.

how soon is soon? when one of us turns 21 (again)?

or maybe when one day you need me for a favour?

as age catches up, you realise the world is really v hypocritical and realistic.

if you mean it, SET A DATE. DISCUSS WITH ME AND WE'LL WORK IT OUT.

its not very difficult right? not if you truly want to maintain this friendship.

*just a deviation, but ugh i hate 21st birthdays.

you feel so obligated to buy an expensive present for someone you barely know.

just because that person invited you to their party. whom they spent a bomb on.

and at the event you wont actually be able to talk to the host cause he/she is so busy.

its like some pre-wedding dinner rehearsal. just switch the angbaos with the present nia.

what happened to meaningful gifts and presents with thoughts?

thats why i usually avoid going for 21sts unless i know the person well. 

and you need to socialise with people and entertain them with polite qns wtf. 

its like CNY with kaypoh relatives who ask everyone the same thing.

call me anti-social, but dont lie to yourself when you know its how you feel inside, deep down.

i'd much much rather have a simple dinner with people i know. 

treat me macspicy i also dont mind. :D

i understand that as the days move along, people usually get distanced from each other.

due to schedule conflicts, or change in environment. 

sometimes you'll realise you dont see or talk to this person anymore. and its kinda sad.

when i appreciate the people around me, i make sure i put in a substantial amount of effort.

no matter how busy i am or how tired, i'll squeeze out time for my loved ones.

this is the one principle i am sticking to, and i'm proud to say i can do it 90% of the time.

i dont expect the same for everyone, but this is just how i will manage my relationships.

it takes two hands to clap though. irrefutable fact.

no point running after someone and slapping him/her on the cold shoulder right?

sometimes i try my best to make time, but if the other party doesnt, there's little i can do.

till some extent, i may just give up and just wait for him/her to u-turn.

cause in my opinion, there is always a point of return.

and if the distance just gets further, well. bon voyage and au revoir.

i'm still here if you miss me.

P.S. the last sentence doesnt apply if you're a bastard intending to make use of me. it aint happening.

Moral of the story? 

ASK ME WHEN I AM FREE TO MEET UP, INSTEAD OF TELLING ME SOON. 

thank you the tinsel rack !

mentioned ytd tt i won an fb like and share competition organized by TTR.
nowadays blogshops love to organise such things to promote their sales,
and actually i think its a good idea sia. you shld see my timeline, always flooded. LOL.

anyway this time was a random thing, cause i didnt even hope to win !
maybe i should have bought 4D ytd also, since my luck was so good ahahah. :B

so because i'm in such a good mood and feeling v grateful,
shall dedicate this post to TTR, as thanks for letting me win something. x)

the tinsel rack has become my favourite blogshop, out of the many i subscribe to.
their clothes always seems so comfortable and best of all, comes in many color choices !
i love clothes which makes me feel happy to be in. heheh.

so most of the time i end up getting tempted by their collections.
like seriously tempted, until i bug my bestf and bf and mom for their opinion on if i should buy.
their prices are totally worth for the quality la,
its just that i'm a very broke supporter :x

and i love love their customer service. always very efficient and friendly !
i rmb i had to delay payment once cause the atm couldnt issue receipts and i didnt have ibanking yet.
they were understanding about it and didnt blacklist me *touched*

just look at their formspring, always gotta entertain questions by customers, sometimes repeated ones.
and some rude people who love to criticise or make sarcastic remarks about everything.
its definitely not easy to handle such irritants, but they managed it well, so kudos!

not to mention the crazy timing they always stay up till to complete invoicing !
if i didnt rmb wrongly the latest (or earliest) ever was 5 plus AM IN THE MORNING WTF.
just to ensure that their treasured customers are able to see the sacred invoice once they wake up.
this is indeed very touching and worthy of applause ;)

most of the time i'm corresponding most with Joyce, ttr's boss/head minion.
she runs ttr with her younger sister Jolene, and i think they've done an amazing job. (Y)
me and jh have been talking abt opening our own for 2 years and nothing's happened yet. HAHAH.

i've been reading Joyce's blog, initially to sneak peek upcoming items.
but now its more like reading a friend's blog. (:
most people get the impression blogshop owners have super relaxing lifestyles.
machiam taitais, only eat shop drink and wait for money to roll in.
but read Joyce's blog and you realise that there really is hard work involved also.
so you really have to admire them for their efforts. :D

to show my love i'm gonna list out some items i was tempted with, and those i bought.
its a good walk down memory lane,
and Joyce & Jolene, if you're reading this. please feel proud of what TTR has managed to achieve!

endless temptations and loads of happy clothes for a very satisfied customer.
and i'm sure i'm not the only one. :D

my history with ttr began with the 32th collection !
chanced upon their site and i fell in love with the castles in the air chiffon kaftan top, muted indigo.

too bad it was already out of stock.
but i loved their site layout and their previous collections,
so i subscribed to their mailing list. (:

first purchase was from the 36th collection, front cascade high waist shorts in grey.

love love the comfortable and smooth material and the unique cascading detail.
at the moment i cant fit into it anymore cause i've lost weight, damn. probably gonna go alter it :B

collection 40, crusader's boyfriend blazer in classique cream with mint lining
a temptation that didnt translate into practicality.
didnt think the cream color was gonna stay pure for long, HAHAH.
but i love the contrast sleeves.


collection 41, wreath of joy tunic in berry pink.
i loved the floaty chiffon material and the cheery color.
but xmas period is not the time for me to buy clothes! too broke from gift hunting.


LOVE TOGA TOPS.
collection 43, angel sleeves toga in pure white/daffodil yellow
missed it, regretting now :(

 

can i emphasize on my love for colors? :D
collection 44's sunshine avenue dress in periwinkle purple and kelly green.
wasnt into wearing dresses at the time so i didnt get it.
like no reason to wear dress for lec/tut leh. HAHAH.

 

collection 51's urban legend high waist jeans in dark denim
ordered mine via restocks.
took me super long to decide on buying cause i was hesitant abt high waist jeans.
scared it'll make me took weird; i have a short torso-long legs body proportion. :x
but this pair disminished my fears :D

matched it with collection 56's lets play reversi tunic in orange/nude
ordered that via backorders.
the color turned out brighter than the original batch, but i loved it!
 

was tempted by collection 52's glow in the neon dress in fluro orange/blazing blue,
i love their bold use of colors! and the square sleeves.
but was too broke so gave it a miss.
 

collection 54, summer love high waist shorts in white. jh bought the same in dark denim.
     

while they were at collection 5x, ttr got a physical rack at KissJane Bugis. *pops champagne*
another place for me to visit besides bugis street, heheh.
everytime i enter KJ the first rack i'll go to is TTR. cause its nearest to the entrance LOLOL.
see, placed there for supporter's convenience :B

collection 62, tinkle bell's top in electric blue!
one of my top favorites. wanted it when i saw Joyce's preview on her blog.
the color + the pixie hem was loveeeee.
but when i tried it on at KJ, the cutting wasnt v flattering. so byebye. ):
nvm la, see it on their pretty models dx and mel can liao. #optimistic

   

time traveller's dress in ash blue from the same collection was also another temptation,
but i didnt get invoiced :x



collection 65, dancing with rainbows culottes in kelly green/electric blue
omg i actually loved all the colors, went keesiao hahahah.
didnt get cause i started working and dress code was pants.
but i managed to psycho pearlyn to buy the electric blue at KJ. #borrow.
 

collection 76: its raining colors was not very temptation filled, in terms of clothes.
but i liked their photoshoot a lot! never knew how rainy days could become so happy.
very cute concept, i like.

 

collection 77, fairylights fishtail skirt in tiffany mint. one of TTR's successful series.
this is the collection which got me a really big headache/heartbreak.
loved the skirt so so so much. favourite !!
but due to considerations over length and practicality i decided not to get it.
later on when restocks came i decided to buy, since i was still lusting over the piece.
AND i forgot to include sizing in the comment.
AND there werent any more backorders for mint!! *fainted*

so i ended up getting the navy one.
mad love the material, its sooooo comfortable.
and in the end it doesnt make me look short. :B

and i heard there's a version three coming out !! #excited ttm




collection 78: wonderland. SUPER CUTE CONCEPT.
the descriptions were so cute la! all fairytale based cause the shoot was done at USS.

"Once upon a time, an evil cackling witch turned the Prince into a frog with a thousand year old spell. In order to save the Prince, the Princess had to give the frog a kiss before the clock strikes 12. She went to the pond and gave the frog a loving kiss, but no Prince appeared. The Fairy God Mother appeared and told the Princess, "My dear, the witch didn't tell you this: That you have to be wearing something happy when you kiss the Prince." The Princess pondered over it for a long time, and just 5 minutes before 12, she told the Fairy God Mother to give her a top full of happy looking polka dots. The Prince turned back into his human form and he lived happily ever after with the Princess."

100 points for creativity. :D

collection 85's tree fairy toga in periwinkle
one of my favourites <3 its a toga. its one of my favourite colors. wtf i want.
mad love this one, but i didnt get invoiced !
and no backorders cause its festive season. emo emo emo.
hopefully similar pieces are in the planning. #optimistic



collection 94's all i wish for cardi blazer in wine red.
FAVOURITE BLAZER of the moment !
ordered this via backorder after much thinking. no regrets!
so damn comfortable and lightweight. slouchy too, so its not too formal.
exactly what i'm looking for please!

  

so tonight will be their 102th collection. huat huat huat!

in my opinion, TTR has done a great job.
they've kept up to date with current trends, and also have their own style.
prices are also kept pocket-friendly, yay for me :B
their quality really is superb. worth every cent. (Y)

in short, love love TTR <3
and thank you for reading this lengthy post. :D

a day to be thankful for.

happy vesak day !
an awesome and fulfilling day on the whole.

so its the first time in 6(?) years that i'm able to spend vesak day relaxing.
cause for the past few years its always been helping out at my parents' chai peng stall.
no complains, but its just a change (:

on this happy saturday, when i FINALLY HAVE A SAT OFF YAY NO WORK,
we decided to go pulau ubin!
levon found this online deal on streetdeal.sg which offers a package for ubin.
cycling + kayaking/snorkeling + free lunch + fish spa at 20 bucks per pax.

6 of us (the girls and ahpok & cs) happily signed up.
who knows we dio scammed, 上了贼船 !

firstly, we went there only to be informed that snorkeling is currently not available.
such a disappointment cause i was kinda looking forward to try it. :/

secondly, the service was super lousy.
you get the impression that the staff doesnt bother about you and feel irritated that you're there -.-

thirdly. lobster spaghetti is like tiger prawn. HAHAHAH.

fourth. the kayak me and ahpok shared nearly capsized !
i have no idea if its my bf's problem or the kayak. maybe both HAHAHAH.
BUT SCARY LA, KEEP SINKING TOWARDS THE END.
i totally dont wanna land headfirst into the dirty looking water please.
some more with the huge fish inside. they look like flat piranhas!

speaking of fish, had our first try at fish spa!
i've been wanting to try this ever since it came out heheh.
the doctor fishes (Garra rufa) slough off the dead skin cells on your feet when you dip em into the pool.
super ticklish sensation, omg we laughed and screamed like shit at first.
then you learn how to tahan and keep calm.
end up it feels quite shiok eh ! and idk but i feel like my legs are smoother HAHAH.

but on a side note i doubt i will dare to try anymore.
cause after i tried to research on these fishes (sok was asking what are they),
i realised tt this type of 'spa' has been banned in some parts of the US due to sanitary concerns.
and UK issued a warning about the spread of blood borne diseases if infected patients bleed into the water.
#scared die #first and last try

cycling. hmm that was both fun and scary too.
ubin is legendary for cycling (and the accidents), so i guess i was abit apprehensive.
prepared alcohol swabs and plasters, levon even more higher level,
she brought chlorohexidine and betadine too, hahahah.
ended up both of us got injured, LOL ! heng only minor scrapes.

*i zoomed down a slope, wtf got difficulty with back brake and couldnt stop in time.
cannot jam front brake some more cause i'll definitely fly. like superman.
heng cs and pok, who alr reached the bottom, stopped my impending doom.
cs pushed his bike forward to cause a 'collision' and break the speed
then pok tried to haul me out of the mess.
maybe cause i was prepared to crash, but i didnt cut myself as badly as the previous time.
this one was right knee slight scrape, right big toe area scrape,
left third toe and left index finger slight sprained feeling. but on the whole, still fine. :B
( previous one required stitches and couldnt stop bleeding :x )

but nevertheless,
I ENJOYED THE DAY AT UBIN. cause i spent it with some of the people i love most <3

and the day/night continued to get better.
because i reached home, logged on to facebook and saw tt i won an fb like and share contest!
organized by my favourite blogshop, the tinsel rack
been supporting them for awhile now, since october 2010. bloody long eh !

gonna do a short appreciation post to show my love for them laterrrr.
because they really are my favourite. :D

AND BEST OF ALL.
i think i finally got the confirmation i wanted.

kept this secret for some time now, but i told my mom about pok alr.
actually jh leaked it out when confronted, and she didnt get mad or upset or what !
in fact she was like, I KNEW IT, I KNEW SOMETHING WAS UP.
and then i couldnt deny it (duh), so out came the secret.

so somewhere around march when my dad went genting,
my mom got ahpok to come over for lunch.
and gave me the nod of approval.
HAPPY SHIT ME

but she also warned me not to convert, and tt she intends to tell my dad soon.

and one month later, april, my mom threw the bomb at my dad.
WHICH DIDNT DETONATE. SURPRISINGLY.
wtf i was panicking when jh told me tt he knows.
i even asked her if she wanted to move over t ahma's hse temporarily,
cause i was scared tt he might blame her for keeping such a hugeass secret
turns out to be an unnecessary worry ._.

damn, he didnt throw me out like i initially feared.
he didnt even ignore me, just treated me like normal.
#anti-climax

and today when i officially announced it,
wtf he was even smiling and joking.
HAPPY SHIT ME X 10000.

cant believe that i spent so many years in irrational(?) fear.
all along our plan was to establish ourselves as independent individuals before we told our parents.
this meant finishing our education and establishing our careers,
which we estimated to be 7 years or more.
and in that sense, it would be easier to convince them that there wasnt any problem with interracial r/s.

damn long i know but we were so sure and willing to wait. (:

and i have been craving for this acceptance.
looking at my sister and best friends, i sometimes get this pang of jealousy.
in a sense that, they're able to be accepted by their family. that they dont have to hide or feel guilty.
i wanted to be able to tell my mom any shit abt my bf, but i couldnt. until now at least :D

so today, i'm really very thankful that i finally have the green light from my parents.
thank you mom and dad, for respecting my choice. <3

FOUR YEARS AND FIVE MONTHS I'VE BEEN WAITING FOR THIS MOMENT.
*pops champagne*

but please dont expect to receive any red invites yet cause ahpok still has to finish his diploma. HAHA.

HOTA

finally received the letter from HOTA.
and I was ready to fill in the yellow form to opt in for MTERA when my mum stopped me.

*just as background info:
- once you hit 21 you're automatically under HOTA, which states tt in the event of brain death, your organs, namely the kidney, liver, heart and cornea, will be harvested and donated.
- MTERA is an optional scheme where you can choose to donate more parts e.g. lung, bones, skin, etc, for medical/treatment or research purposes.
- brain death is different from cardiac death, and there are lots of criteria which you have to fulfil before you are eligible for organ donation.

short rant about the criteria:
WTF ITS SO HARD TO QUALIFY.
must die in hospital, must be brain death.
the only situation where i can think of,
is if someone clobbers me on the head hard enough to make me suffer brain injury.
not as if i want anyone to try la, but its slightly sickening to know that i might not be of help :/


and to be honest, brain death is really a hard fact for people to accept.
cause the person still seems 'alive and breathing', 
as the life support machine is still ensuring that circulation and respiration is continued.
but there will never be any chance of waking up. NEVER.


it takes great strength to switch off the machine, and even more so to allow transplant after that.

so my mom was like, panicking when she heard i was considering donating my organs after death.
literally begged me not to do it, cause she said losing me would be hard enough. :/
actually i hesitated abit after hearing her pleading. for few seconds.
but then i thought of all those people i could potentially help, so yeah sorry mum. not gonna opt out.

and she damn cute, take away the booklet cause she thought she could prevent me from joining the scheme.

actually had discussed this issue over dinner before. with relatives my mum's side.
dont know why we were talking about such a morbid topic though. :B
their points were similar;
about how difficult it would be for the family members to accept, and how the deceased would feel, etc.
because being the religious sort, they believed that the soul would still be present in the body for a period of time after death, and hence any sort of operation would cause the deceased to 'feel' pain.

but.. i'm already dead. keeping my organs with me to the grave would be like bringing my atm card along.
rather than waste it by incineration, why not donate it to the people who need it desperately?
sure i 'might' feel pain, slicing through my skin and fats (wtf),
but what is pain compared to the patients?
they have been waiting for a miracle to happen, and since i can help, i will.

i voiced out my opinion, and the whole table went silent and stared at me LOL. *paiseh*
really, i'm not trying to be brave or 伟大 but its really just how i feel.
i know how important organ donation can be, and how one can change lives.

take my own boyfriend's dad for an example.

he was diagnosed with kidney failure 15 years ago,
and he received a transplant only 3 years back.
thats close to 12 years of weekly dialysis treatments tt he had to go through.
imagine, having to be poked by a thick needle every week for 12 freaking years.


this is a picture of an arterioventricular fistula.
renal failure patients may go through a surgical procedure to create a link between the vein and artery to allow easier blood flow during dialysis.

and if you think its nothing much..



this is how it will look like in the long run.

i first saw a arteriovenous fistula when i was at work.
as the patient rolled up his sleeve for me to take blood, i felt a deep pang of sadness for him.
to think of the pain he had to go through was.. unimaginable.

some other patients i experienced later even had them on BOTH ARMS.
some larger than the photo either, and sometimes you could even see it throbbing, pulsating.

i actually asked some patients if it hurts.
most of them told me. 我习惯了/ i'm used to it already.

... so heartbreaking.
imagine being used to PAIN.

and by some twist of fate i had the honour of poking ahpok's dad himself, LOL.
first patient of the day some more. hahah.

anyway, i realised i digressed a bit, but my main point is,
with the transplant, he never has to worry about the one day where his veins may collapse
and they have to find a different place to poke the needle in.
he can now do without the weekly visits to the dialysis centre, which affected his work,
as well as ahpok's mum who has to accompany him for each visit,
cause dialysis usually leaves the patient feeling weak.
and most important of all, he regained his freedom;
never will he need to depend on a mechanical kidney again.

Organ transplant definitely gives hope to not only the patients, but their family as well.

sure, there might be risks of rejection, which makes the effort goes to nought.
but i believe that if you never try, you may never know what impact you could make.

take it as the last good deed i do before i leave. (:

*and really. if in the event any shit happens to me, (CHOY)
please show this to my parents so they'll understand my wishes.

school > work

feeling really unproductive today,
except for the achievement of getting past slope on circuit 3 times, no stalling. :D

was random clicking on my blog archives.
and i realised that in any of the months before graduation, my life was much more interesting.
like damn, now then i get the full impact of 'school is better than work'.

the list of many retarded but fun happenings, really miss it la.
even SIP was much more fun sia. totally not like now.
you just feel like clockwork, and super stagnant.
and its sorta depressing.

now the best part of every day is after 4.30pm. wtf. _l_

musings

林俊杰 - Love U U


Love U U 我像孤独的渔夫 说不出爱的温度
很想给你幸福 你却自我保护
转弯处 只剩下潮汐之外的荒芜

Love U U
我在海里迷了路 找不出新的归宿
思念越尝越苦 心跳乱了脚步
怎么我读不懂你唇语之间的无助

就算用尽所有真心 却到不了你的心底
回忆难以靠近 你是我奢求的唯一
让我用尽所有力气 只要你相信
我最坚持的声音 只剩一句 Love U U, stay with me.
能不能别这样放弃 能不能就放开自己
海浪穿透我的伤心 请听一听爱的声音

就算用尽所有真心 却到不了你的心底
回忆难以靠近 你是我奢求的唯一
让我用尽所有力气 只要你相信
我最坚持的声音 只剩一句 Love U U, stay with me.


one of my favourite songs from my favourite singer's new album. 
its also one of the songs which i really feel the depth of emotion weaved in the lyrics.
heartrending.


relationships. never straightforward and never easy.

the color of your stupid collar.

so i read today's TNP article about how women reject guys who are of lower job status.

and i found it fucking ridiculous, pissed me enough to make me rant here.

blue-collar vs white-collar.

while whites are usually using their brains, blues usually work with their skills.

both categories of jobs are important and significant to the society.

both types make an honest living.

so what's with the discrimination?

just based on the salary and the fucking uni certificate?

it doesnt determine the kind of morals a person has what.

neither does it reflect on the character of a person.

these two are the qualities which determines the value of a human, not the superficial things.

no one cannot gurantee that they are perfect,

even though they supposedly had the 'higher' level of education.

sometimes i think its bullshit.

you know how to study but no morals, wtf for?

become a bastard who backstabs and twists words with your glib silver tongue?

just on friday afternoon at mac.

me and pok overheard this two TKGS students talking about elitism in singapore.

one was complaining abt the affiliation system in the RGS/RI schools.

she was ranting about how they can only study, no need study also auto go in.

even aggregate 200 also can enter the school.

which is fucking not true.

i believe there is a different sort of stress in those schools,

such that their students are always able to score really well and get into the affilate.

simply because it is expected for them to be able to go in.

its like a natural route of progression to them.

those who cant simply will have to bow away from the rafflesian spotlight.

because there is no way they will allow students with lower calibre to enter.

thats the saddening truth.

at that point of time, i could really smell the serious stench of sour grapes from her.

other than affliation system, she was also ranting about how these people will succeed in life,

simply because they were educated there.

are you dumb? they study super hard to keep up with standards, thats why they have the drive!

and that being said, if they were only book smart and not street smart.

they wouldnt survive in the real world either.

felt like telling her, eh bitch, with an attitude like yours,

even if you made it to cambridge you'd get stoned to death cause you're such a retard.

assuming so much that you dont know abt and snobbing them like you dont wanna be part of it.

but shit man, you do, cause the way you scold them is so tinged with vinegar.

i dont believe in the school affecting you, at least not to a large extent.

its the attitude you embody.

i come from really good pri/sec schools and look at where i am sia.

compared to some of my friends (you guys know who you are :D),

if i were to be affected by how far am i from the 'ideal' route,

i should have committed suicide by now.

instead i'm happy with the route i've chosen,

cause its brought me experiences education can never give me.

oh and i realised i deviated quite abit. LOL.

anyway the whole point of my tirade is: fight for what you deem it worth. *spartan roar*

at least the blues would better understand what is the meaning of hardship.

know how to strive for whatever they lack, instead of expecting it to come to them.

sometimes i feel people have high expectations, but no ability to work hard to achieve it.

dont understand what these shallow people aim for.

maybe thats why there are an increasing number of women left on the shelf.

too calculative, too selfish. set super high standards alr.

they nvr reflect on themselves, see if they are actually worth it anot.

and come on la. 21st century liao, dont you guys believe in feminism?

carve out a career for yourself instead of dreaming of becoming taitais la !

like damn, why depend on the guy sia.

really, look on the inside rather than the outside.

its much much more worth it. (:

what if and if nots.

skipped lecture today to go mitju warehouse sales with bimb and levon !

ended up not buying anything cause nothing practical caught my eye,

and i was nearing my spending limit already.

i blame my favourite blogshop thetinselrack for tempting me :B

but okay la its always awesome to be able to meet up with bffs even if its for awhile. :D

caught the vow with taupok and bimb later on.

i was quite hyped about the movie but it fell short of my expectations.

touching yes, but the ending seemed slightly sloppy. D:

but it provided an interesting debate between me and taupok. hahah.

so..

what would you do if you lost all memory of the people you love?

what would you do if the person you love lost his/her memories of you?

what would you do to regain back these memories?

would you choose to hold on or give up?

would you prefer to forget, or be forgotten?

memories are what shapes us, we are who we are now because of events.

without them we would be nothing.

cause we wouldnt know how to treasure if we had never lost.

we wouldnt know how to love if we had never been loved before.

we wouldnt know happiness before we understood tears.

essentially, we would die without memories.

no impression of who, what, where, when, how. not even of ourselves.

the mind would be like an empty shell, with no sense of purpose. ):

i hope this never happens to me *touchwood*

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

trust is like a mirror.

once it is broken, it can never be the same.

even if you attempt to fix it, the cracks will forever be there.

life after death

i think.. ahma might be suffering from mild depression.

a lot of times she's thinking of ahgong and crying.

and other times she has the misconception that everyone deems her as useless.

the truth is, i doubt even she knows what she really wants.

on weekdays, i make it a point to go back every evening after work.

sometimes she complains tt no one bothers to go back for dinner anymore.

only leave her at home to take care of baby wayne and do housework.

she likens herself to a maid. ):

she feels that without ahgong, she has no status and no importance already.

its not true.

my aunts would sometimes buy lunch back for her.

they have tried to call ahma to chit chat, but they always get scolded for nothing.

i think, to the point tt they are too sian to call alr.

making it worse was seeing her cry last weekend.

sunday has traditionally been our family day, everyone would come back for dinner.

so that day everyone was watching tv, playing with the kids. just like normal.

ahma was sitting near me.

she stared off into space, wiping her eyes as though i didnt see the tears.

she then began to open a cupboard near her, as if she was searching/tidying it.

when i asked her what she was looking for, she simply shook her head.

so even when the whole family is around,

ahma is still feeling the emptiness inside.

her behaviour is seriously making me v v v worried.

but i dont know what to do.

except to talk to her more, i have no idea at all.

someone help me? ):

actually it makes me wonder, how to people ever cope with death?

its such a permanent loss.

yes in spirit he/she is always with us.

but its also different.

i know that i definitely havent made a 100% recovery yet.

i cry occasionally, i feel this emptiness inside.

its really impossible to heal a gaping hole. is it?

i've wondered many times, what would happen if i died.

who would grieve, who would cry.

such a morbid thought. hahahah.

yet another emo post. sigh.

sometimes i really dont like to think about such things but it just pops into my mind. :/

religion and respect.

i got really pissed off after seeing this tweet from a friend.

he has been tweeting religious stuff,

which i am actually fine with cause i believe in freedom of speech.

however this really was uncalled for.

this is what he tweeted: "To be human is to be Muslim"

so i asked him, "so are non-muslims inhuman? wtf?"

and this, is his reply:

"i dont mean it in that way. There's a deeper meaning to it. hope u dun take it the wrong way. Anyway i've removed it. just chill nxt time. Dun have to go "wtf" at me. Hav a nice day."

i believe i could have said a thousand more insulting things than just a wtf.

his attitude drives me freaking mad. sooooo self-righteous.

he smokes.

once we went out tgt, the bill was wrongly calculated.

and he wanted to us to pretend that we never saw the error, just take it as a discount. -.-

as a human, he is already a fail.

lets not factor in the fact that he is a muslim shall we.

if there is a deeper meaning, kindly educate us ignorant fools then.

if you thought you were perfectly right you didnt need to remove the tweet.

and if you didnt want to be mistaken, maybe you should think twice before you even type.

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dont understand why is there a need to prove which religion is the best.

each person has their own beliefs, i dont think there is a need to force it upon others.

when i was in ahs the same thing happened, and i got so turned off by it.

in fact some people were so bloody pushy, even till now i have such a bad impression.

there's this constant debate over who's God is the real one.

to the point that people of other faith are being put down.

dont they realise that they are being completely disrespectful?

it doesnt reflect well on their religion either.

thats why i'd rather remain a free thinker.

so long as i live by my morals and principles, its enough.

the hunger games.

the movie everybody is talking about.

which made me and ahpok curious enough to buy tickets. LOL.

its a film adaptation of a trilogy by suzanne collins.

set in a world where the country is split into districts.

each district is different, in terms of their lifestyles and financial status.

which reminds me of the society in 'In Time'. another awesome movie <3

so every year each district, 12 of them in total,

has to send a pair of tributes to take part in a gory tornament.

24 tributes have to kill each other to survive, cause only one victor is allowed.

sort of like gladiators. :x

purpose of it all?

to punish them for staging a rebellion which happened a long time ago.

the govt phrased it in a much nicer way, but we all know its bullshit.

seriously some heavy propaganda going on :x

i wont go into other details, cause i'm against spoilers for people who havent watched :B

i'll just give my comments. heheh.

katniss everdeen is <3 !

she's got this steely resolve, plus she's really brave.

ice queen on the outside but to her loved ones, she doesnt put on that front.

jennifer lawrence as katniss = eye candy throughout the show.

love her eyes and cheekbones heheh.

the kind of manipulation that the capitol guys used is damn evil la.

using human lives as pawns in their games. humanity at its worst and lowest point.

but you'll see some touching scenes as well.

like this death scene, i actually teared,

but uh its cause i went to think of my ahgong;

whether he had gone thru the same thing when he passed away. :/

so overall, it was an awesome movie !

made me wanna read the trilogy liao hahah.

cant wait for the film's sequels too. :D

this is really meaningful, and it represents my kind of view about life. (:

everyone is made unique, with their own positives and negatives.

its all about how we interact that makes a difference.

can take it as either complementary, or contrasting.

for me, i think i'm somewhere in the corner of the puzzle. hahah.

i dont have a wide social circle; i know lots of people but only those few are really close to me.

you guys know who you are.

thank you for being part of my life, for making it colorful and exciting. :D

there are some who used to be close, but sadly i drifted from them.

maybe because we started to move away into different worlds.

but hmm, to a certain extent i take that as an excuse,

because i always believe that true care and sincerity can never seperate friends.

its simply a case of insufficient effort.

still, thank you for all the memories we created.

and there are some whom i just cant stand.

hypocrites, backstabbers, childish keyboard warriors LOL.

enough said. haters gonna hate :B

thank god you guys are gone.

those nights in Beijing

Dr Lee brought over a DVD ytd evening.
He converted the videotape of our 1998 overseas trip to Beijing, which remains the furthest place I've been till today.
Fourteen years ago zomg, and I was still a bloody playful monkey. :D

Watching the dvd brought out so many memories.
Iconic moments, some of them I've forgotten cause it was simply too long ago.
Example? Me happily wearing my beanie, then running over to jh and grabbing hers off. LOL!
Told you I was a monkey. :D

And of course, precious shots of my beloved grandparents whom we went with.
Ahgong and ahma :D
They really doted on us a lot.
Like I went to photobomb the both of them when they wanted to take a photo.
At first ahma shooed me away, then she rethought and asked me to come back :3
And when ahgong was eating, I went to mess up his hair (or comb it neater, as it was my excuse then ;p), and he didn't shoo me away or scold. *my privilege hehehe*

And my laopeh. Damn funny, him and his uber thick mop of hair. Jacky Chan LOL.
It's reduced to a neater crew cut now :B
Other than tt, he's still the same, always good-naturedly complaining abt how we shld appreciate his hard earned money. Hahahah.

Not forgetting my aunt and Dr Lee!
Hehehe our dry-parents :B
They really treated us like their own, and we owe a lot to them for teaching us how to behave in public.
Dr Lee was especially strict abt manners :x

As i reminisced abt those times, I also felt this loss inside.
Sort of a happy but hollow feeling.
Cant help but rmb that ahgong is no longer around. :/

Aiya I know I v suay kuan one. but this is just me :x

Thankful that Dr Lee managed to salvage the tape, cause its definitely a part of our precious memories. :B

I wanna go on a family trip soooooon! :D

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i've been blogging since 2005.

SEVEN YEARS OMG.

and this means seven years of memories and rants.

started this purely out of fun, cause blogging was like the new thing at that time.

over time it became sort of my habit.

it was super fun to just recall what i did and record it down.

sorta like a virtual time capsule. :D

now, reading through the old posts brings up soooo many memories.

every single shit through secondary school till now.

moments with my loved ones <3

my writing style has definitely changed as well. wtf last time i sounded so childish LOL.

see now so mature. *HAHAHAH bullshitting*

so i've decided to try to blog once a week.

though my life is super boring now.

i believe i can still find a few patients to rant about. :B

at least preserve some memories in case i lose them in an accident. LOL. *touch wood*

mix and mash of song lyrics.

put my music player on random and just picked lines which spoke to me.

quite fun uh the result :B

somehow everything fits.

and this is what i mean by music therapy.

wonder which genius can guess all the songs correctly. HAHAHA.

-

只因为你总说 Everything will be okay

I'm always online

even if the sky is falling down

even if the present were to be cleaved by the setting sun

our shadows will continue to overlap one another

我不想长大，长大后世界就没童话

为什么结局没欢笑而是泪流满面

我只求爱情能够不要那么样复杂

让我们回去从前好不好，天真愚蠢快乐美好

i'm not afraid of moving on

its how hard it is to make it look so easy

i dont ever let it show

用淚稀釋的往事 漸漸消失

優雅的固執 用我倔強的方式 盡情放肆

你听我说 要好好学着去生活

就算未来有多少错

至少还有我的问候

The echoes fill your soul

They won't say which way to go

Just trust your heart

To find what you're here for

Open another door

But I'm not sure anymore

It's just so hard

i'm sorry i cant be perfect

now its just too late, and we cant go back

i'm sorry i cant be perfect.

不属于我，我不会难过

我会紧握拳头把那伤心都赶走

幸福明明很强烈，却不知觉难过流泪

绕的路太远不后悔，我们是最美的轮回

为什么不说心里话

you tell me tell me why~

this is not what i intended

if you wanna build up your love, gotta put the hate down

will you be the same as when i saw you last,

tell me how much time has passed

好想再回到那些年的时光

好想告诉你我从来没有忘记

i cant breathe but i still fight while i can fight

你要离开，我知道很简单

也许时间是一种解药，也是我现在正服下的毒药。

one year since my ahgong left us. how time flies.

i remember the day super vividly.

was at clique chalet, watching the sun rise and feeling thankful for such a beautiful morning.

kfc breakfast after and was even planning to go www.

then all shit happened in one phone call.

sometimes i wonder, what if i was at home.

what if i was around to notice tt something was wrong, just like the first time?

why wasnt i able to make it back home in time?

should i have protested more strongly against the decision for him to undergo chemo?

all these questions, left unanswered and forever a mystery.

a regret that i will forever carry, not being by my ahgong's side for the last time.

its so unfair.

from the beginning, i've tried my best to stay near him.

hospital, home, at his every appointment.

why is it tt the moment i am away, he leaves?

and it came so suddenly i didnt even know how to react.

i just kneeled there like a dumbshit, saying sorry repeatedly.

but he was already gone..

its just unfair.

i wasnt upset tt he had passed on.

i was heartbroken because he went on without us being there.

in fact i had even tried to visualise his passing. morbid i know.

but in my dreams i wanted him to leave with all of us by his side.

we would cry, wail, but he would have a chance to see all of us for the last time.

dreams are fake.

and again, life is unfair.

now i look at our photo together, and i remember tt he is still looking over us.

so i have no choice but to cheer up and stay strong.

because ahgong didnt choose to leave, but he had to.

he left with the dignity tt he had, no pain no suffering in the last moments.

he left remembering our smiles, not the tears.

he may not be physically present anymore, but he's always in our hearts.

this is what i tell myself whenever i face those questions.

one year might have seemed sufficient to forget, but everyone is still quietly grieving.

its like a wound, getting better but the scar is still there.

there's this hollow feeling sometimes. like a black hole, an abyss.

when i'm with my family, it feels much better.

reminiscing and visiting him and sometimes crying does help to ease the pain too.

whats the most potent cure though?

i look at ahma. and remind myself tt its now my responsibility to take care of her.

we lost our grandfather, but she's lost her lifelong partner, her pillar of support.

he was much much more to her, and her pain is defintely immeasurable compared to us.

so i morph into this super granddaughter mode and just smile and smile (:

and it helps that i have a super awesome circle of friends who always have my back.

my boyfriend and best friends are people that i cannot live without.

lending me their ears/shoulder, niamming, encouraging, comforting, cheering me up.

these are the little things that helped me through tough times.

so ahgong, i want you to know that i'm fine.

i know you're still here for us, watching us.

i'm still sad, but not living in regret.

still missing you, but i'll stay strong for you.

just like i always have. (: